After pancreatic cancer – coping with loss
A place to support each other after a loved one has died, whether they were a partner, friend or family member. Grief can affect people differently, so please be kind and respect others' views on how they choose to cope.
80 topics in this forum
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A message of thanks of behalf of Linda
by LindaH- 12 replies
- 26.5k views
Dear all at the forum I am Natalie, Linda's daughter. My mum sadly lost her battle on the 22nd of December. But this message is more of thanks to you all. She always spoke of the support she got from everyone here, and the friends she made. You all managed to keep her spirits up and her heart filled with hope for a brighter future for everyone struggling with this disease. I would like to now try and take on her challenge of making awareness and hopefully ultimately beating this disease once and for all. I wish you all the best for the future, carry on your own battles for her too, and never give up hope. Make every day the best you can, and live life just the w…
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This time of year
by Dfarmer- 1 reply
- 16.5k views
Hi all It's almost 4 months since mum died. I still check in every day and although haven't posted you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Still finding it really hard. I still expect to see her and I still hear her voice, which I don't want to change. It was a year ago Friday that mum had the ct scan and then had the phone call calling her back to the hospital on 21st December. At that point we had no idea pc. Christmas was hard last year as mum knew it wasn't going to be good news. She was down and was feeling sick. I am already worrying about Christmas day. My dad and brother are coming for the day and I know it's going to be emotional. Dad is finding things very to…
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Biopsy
by carolelisabeth- 2 replies
- 17.8k views
Hi, my husband has just had 2 mri scans which show a lesion on the body of the pancreas and a possible 2 smAll lesions on the liver, which they are not sure if they are cancerous( but probably) he is going fora biopsy.my problem is they say that eve if the biopsy comes back negative it wouldn't necessary mean they are not cancerous and would do another biopsy to make sure. These seems very time wasting to me has anyone else been in this position. Some advice pleaae
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Biopsy
by carolelisabeth- 0 replies
- 15.1k views
Hi, my husband has just had 2 mri scans which show a lesion on the body of the pancreas and a possible 2 smAll lesions on the liver, which they are not sure if they are cancerous( but probably) he is going fora biopsy.my problem is they say that eve if the biopsy comes back negative it wouldn't necessary mean they are not cancerous and would do another biopsy to make sure. These seems very time wasting to me has anyone else been in this position. Some advice pleaae
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my story and struggling x
by zozie1- 6 replies
- 24.5k views
It feels strange writing this, I joined the forums last year when I felt that I needed support and then seemed to be coping ok so never posted or replied to anything, in fact I very rarely even logged on. This is long I'm afraid but I need to get it down and tell my story. My Mum was living in Tenerife when on July 19th last year she rang me to tell me she was in hospital with the words she always used 'its nothing to worry about' little did any of us realise at the time how serious it was and how it would end. Within the week Mum was diagnosed with a tumour blocking her pancreatic and bile duct - tests revealed that this was cancerous. She had a stent fitted and left ho…
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- 11 replies
- 30.2k views
Its been 4 long weeks and I am only now beginning to realise she is gone. I still feel stunned at the swiftness and no opportunity to fight. On the 14th November it would have been my parents 43rd wedding anniversary which the hospice Dr said she would definitely make. This disease is so sneaky even the specialists don't know how it will play out. Once we are passed Wednesday then it is on to Christmas which will be heartbreaking as she was so looking forward to spending that first Christmas where her grandchildren would get excited about their presents and be fully aware of an occasion. They keep saying Granny has had to go away hasn't she mummy at the oddest ti…
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- 0 replies
- 17.2k views
Hello This is familiar to me and something I still wonder about too. My husband spent a lot of time sorting out lots of practical matters. He made list upon list of things that needed to be done and spent a lot of time showing me things that he usually took responsibility for, knowing that he would not be there, hoping that I would be able to manage these things. He dealt with the whole thing in a very pragmatic fashion, with very little emotion. He would often sit silently, seemingly vacant, but obviously thinking, but even when asked, never shared his innermost thoughts with me. I have tried to put myself in his shoes and can only guess that he must have been terr…
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Bereavement Support Groups
by susikus- 7 replies
- 28.6k views
I have been sent an invitation to a bereavement support group that starts in April and meets monthly for 6 months (run by Macmillan). I wondered if anyone had any experience of such groups. I am thinking about going. I, like so many others before me, am reaching the stage where support is fading away (rightly so, I am not complaining) and the days seem never-ending. I cry every day, but I also laugh and work and comfort others. And then I catch myself thinking 'what's the point?' Pete was my best friend for 32 years and, frankly, widowhood sucks. I love my dogs to bits and they give me a reason to get out of bed every day, but it's hard to see how life will get any bet…
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New Year
by DRAD3- 11 replies
- 33.8k views
This day last year, I sat with my 2012 calendar, filling in dates to remember and felt sick with worry and fear because I knew that the year ahead was going to be a dark, dark time and I wondered whether I would have the strength to face it. It was dark and the most difficult time I have ever faced and I have been haunted by the experience of it and the weeks leading up to Christmas were draining - I literally felt empty. Seeing people prepare for the holiday season and the continuous "what are you doing for Christmas?" just made me really angry and drove me to question what it was all about. What it turned out to be about was spending the day, just me and my daughter,…
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this time of year...
by louiepc- 6 replies
- 21.2k views
Hi everyone, old friends and new, it's this time of year, that many of us dread. I cannot believe that it's almost a year since I lost my mum. I am taking one day at a time and not looking too far ahead at all. Next sunday is her anniversary, and I know I probably should go to church or do something like that, but I have this overwealming feeling that I want to go to the beach and blow the cobwebs away. I find solice at the seaside, and feel her around me there. I hope everyone, wherever you may be on this awful journey, has as happier Christmas as they possibly can. If you have your loved one with you, make your memories, lots of hugs and time together, …
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Welcome to this new forum on coping with loss 1 2
by PCUK Nurse Jeni- 31 replies
- 58.9k views
Welcome to this new forum. We hope this forum will be a space where you can support each other after the loss of a loved one.
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Keeping Gary with me
by DRAD3- 2 replies
- 15.3k views
Hi all Just wanted to share with my forum family how I am now keeping my lovely husband Gary with me. As many of you know, Gary died in April and it has took me several months to think about what I wanted to go with his ashes. It is such a responsibility that sometimes weighed heavy - I so wanted to do the right thing and I kept changing my mind which told me that I needed to wait and not rush things. I finally took delivery today of a beautiful glass paperweight and pendant, both had been hand crafted and blown to include some of Gary's ashes. The ashes create the most beautiful pattern in the glass and almost make it come alive. They are both engraved with persona…
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Music
by Ellie- 5 replies
- 16.4k views
I heard the most beautiful song this weekend. Some of you may find it will comfort you. It's called "To where You Are" by Josh Grogan. You can find it on You Tube. Love Ellie x
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My father Nick Sibcy 1945 - 2011
by spongle15- 11 replies
- 23.2k views
100 miles of stunningly beautiful Cornish coast, 7 days of exhilarating walking, much laughter and thousands of pounds raised for charity…one inspiration… On 26th November last year, I sadly lost my Dad, Nick Sibcy, to Pancreatic Cancer. Having only been diagnosed six months before, he faced his illness with incredible grace and dignity, keeping his wonderful sense of humour and charm to the end. In celebrating his life, we plan to take Dad’s ashes on one final journey along the South West Coast that he loved so much. We will start at the gates of the Royal Naval College, Dartmouth, where he trained to be a Naval Officer in the 1960s, and over a week will travel the…
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Ali - Helen
by louiepc- 2 replies
- 11.7k views
Hi Helen I saw your post last night - but can't find now. I wanted to say something, how hard it must be in the run up to the first anniversary. I haven't got to the "dates" yet, things still ticking along as normal. My firsts for when Mum got really ill will be June. I went to the crem today with Dad, we sorted out a placque for Mum, this will take about 10 weeks, so more than likely in the midst of the "firsts". It was the first time I have been there since mum's funeral, broke down in tears, remembering standing outside after the service. I don't think that we - as the people standing by - will ever get over losing a loved one, whether they are our …
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A very difficult Mother's Day
by louiepc- 5 replies
- 10.7k views
today has been so very hard. I had been dreading this day for some weeks, with all the "happy" tv mum's and the adverts being bombarded out of the tv, at every opportunity. I have wanted to scream at the telly and tell it to stop, but of course you can't. I am a mum, to three gorgeous children, who wanted to do lots of lovely special things for me. They have made today, but it's been bittersweet. I went to church, again I was dreading seeing all the mum's with their mum's there, but it wasn't too bad, lit a candle for mum, had a cry, and I felt that she was with me, by my side, keeping me going. This last week has been very emotional, I think that the denial i…
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Inspiring Story
by ali- 8 replies
- 15.5k views
Hi to everyone some of you remember me from last summer. My mum died in June from PC. She went from being a very healthy,active 79 year old around this time last year to feeling ill end march/april and fell asleep June 12th. As you know it is truely awful. only way i can look at it is that it was so rapid that she did not suffer for months and months with some of the awful symptoms.But is still so raw. On a brighter note--i am a Practice Nurse and yesterday i was talking to a lady who was bringing her mother-in-law to me for an appt. We got chatting and i said i had lost my mum last summer to PC.She said that her own mother had suffered from PC aged 63.Her mothe…
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Bereaved Partners Support Group
by Support Team- 0 replies
- 8.2k views
Hi We have been contacted by the Bereaved Partners Support Group who asked us to make details of their group available. The Bereaved Partners Support Group (BPSG) is a support group for people who lose their loved ones to cancer, and is the first group of its kind. The aim of the group is to create a regular space for people to share stories and experiences with others who have experienced a similar kind of loss – a place for them to informally share and network. Although bereavement is a personal experience, it is very common to feel despair and hopelessness, and just knowing that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings is very cathartic in itself. Our sp…
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Poems at Mum's funeral
by louiepc- 1 reply
- 10.7k views
Just thought I would share the poems that we had at my mum's fuuneral. Afterglow I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one. I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done, I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happy times, and laughing times, and bright and sunny days, I'd like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun. Of happyt memories that I leave, when my life is done. Mum (one that I wrote and read out) Your hand was always ready to hold, If I fell, If I was scared, If I was sad, your arms would wrap around me, I knew everything would be ok. your smile lit the room like a sunbeam, m…
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Mum
by nickjw- 2 replies
- 9.2k views
I haven't contributed to these forums before, although I have looked through over the past few months and contacted PCorg directly and have found both the messages in the forums and the information from the organization supportive and inspiring. Mum was diagnosed, at the age of 63, with pancreatic cancer last July following about a year of bowel trouble which she finally insisted be checked out by a scan rather than taking different IBS medication after every GP visit. She immediately began a course of chemotherapy which lasted until November, which at first seemed positive - the chemical trail that they look for in assessing the tumor's activity had dropped faster than…
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psychic reading
by louiepc- 2 replies
- 10.6k views
Hi everyone this last week I've had lots of feelings of Mum being around me. I went to see my vicar last week, and at the end of our chat she started to say a prayer for me, I felt mum sit against my leg and place her hand on my shoulder. This feeling lasted for quite a while. I didn't feel scared or upset at all, I felt fantastic. I knew it was Mum, I said to my vicar afterwards, and she said - see, you were after your mum visiting you in dreams (which she hasn't yet) and you got something even better, her touch. I then went to a psychic reading on Sunday. Oh my goodness, Mum came through. I was in shock, and was quite doubtful but I feel it definately was Mum…
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Mum
by louiepc- 6 replies
- 10.2k views
life takes you by surprise sometimes. You can go plodding along, taking people for granted, being nice, being horrible, just being, then bammm - you are knocked to your feet by a massive life altering event... things will never ever be the same, you never think the same again, talk the same again, you may look similar, but that's the wonder of make-up - the gut churning wrench that you feel whenever you wake, or even think, blows you away. I feel so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I keep going for my Dad, brothers, Chris and the kiddies - one foot in front of the other - but slowly going nowhere. Mum was my everything - she knew everything about me - good and bad - I…
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I'm grateful that....
by Nardobd- 10 replies
- 16.9k views
...I at least have some time to show my husband just how much he means to me and how much I love him. Like, I suspect, most people, prior to his diagnosis we were caught up in the rat-race and this cosmic kick up the backside has made me realise that I needed to work much harder at our relationship. In the spirit of "laugh and the world laughs with you...." would anyone else like to share things that they are grateful for?
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Mum
by louiepc- 6 replies
- 11.4k views
It's been a week since we lost our beautiful Mum. I remember thinking before she went - how on earth do you get through every day, once you have lost someone? It's been a strange week. My Dad stayed with me on Friday and Saturday as we didn't want him on his own, and then on Sunday my Son stayed with him. I took Dad to church on Sunday, where Mum will have her funeral, and I had to be really strong for Dad, there was one point when I wanted to run out of the door and just keep running. They were talking about Christmas day only being the week before. Our Christmas day was wonderful, Mum sat up ate dinner even had a sneaky glass of wine. How is possible, that…
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- 8 replies
- 12.7k views
Hi Regulars on here will know me and my story, but to anyone new, hope this helps. Tonight I went to a clairvoyant evening, a last minute decision, in place of a friend who couldn't attend. I was picked out, the medium spoke of my Andy, dates, and specific things that had me sat holding my friends hands, crying and nodding as he was spot on. This morning I woke with a headache and a feeling of utter loss again, as I dreamt about my Andy, and waking up is always like for the first 2 minutes - its ok, then wham, reality hits. Tonight, I'm in bed with a sense of callm, a little less stressed. Whether you believe is up to you, but after tonight I know that all the pain,…