After pancreatic cancer – coping with loss
A place to support each other after a loved one has died, whether they were a partner, friend or family member. Grief can affect people differently, so please be kind and respect others' views on how they choose to cope.
83 topics in this forum
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Losing my mum 💜
by May888- 8 replies
- 3k views
Some people may have followed my story on here In the “advanced pancreatic cancer” forum few months ago. Just a little background, my mum was diagnosed with PC which had spread to liver and stomach end of March. Was due to start chemo, with delays from the hospital communicating blood test results, things deteriorated rapidly with my mum. 27th June she passed away. I was with her when she passed away in hospital. When I called for the rest of family to get to the hospital, sadly they didn’t make it in time, but I was glad I was with my mum until the end and she wasn’t alone. fast forward 14 weeks, and today was suppose to be my mums 74th birthday. I …
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What is going on?
by Tip Top- 2 followers
- 16 replies
- 3.1k views
I lost my partner of 40 years three weeks ago. He was my soulmate, we did everything together. It was expected but happened quite quickly in the end. Pancreatic cancer was a tough journey but he had a good death in the hospice with his family around him. We have had the funeral, which was lovely, and my family have been around, although they will leave soon and I will be on my own. I loved my partner with all my heart. We did everything together and the thought of living without him is intolerable. What I cannot understand though, is that I don’t seem to be grieving. I have cried but not much, and day to day I appear to be coping fine. I am getting things done, …
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Trauma
by rhi- 1 follower
- 15 replies
- 3k views
How do people deal with the trauma this disease brings? The things I’m experiencing and seen no person should have to go through. Why don’t people tell you about the risk of strokes with pancreatic cancer? I am completely and utterly traumatised and it’s not even finished yet!!!!!
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Is there any hope?
by Me Mouse- 2 followers
- 8 replies
- 897 views
We’ve been on this crazy journey for 18 months. My husband was lucky, PDAC in tail, caught early enough for curative surgery. He did surgery. He was in the 20%. He did 12 rounds of highest Folfirinox cocktail. Consultant said, all gone. Yes, we believed that. Pain never went away. Scans were inconclusive and dismissed as ‘muck’ from surgery. We’ve had 2 months of ‘pain free’. He was never pain free. And after 6 scans being told its ‘muck’, no one (but me) believing the pain, watching the weight drop off, not able to eat, vomiting, he reached crisis. We knew it was back. Weeks before Consultant reacted …
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Friends
by Janecav- 2 replies
- 413 views
I lost my Husband 10 weeks ago, after 11 weeks of symptoms then he died. At first the support from my friends was good but now it seems like this life changing event never happened for them.My friends of 40 years seem to not understand the traumatic events of diagnosis and then me caring for him at home and finally losing him. One friend has recently lost her parents but has withdrawn from me all together.I emailed her to say could we get together and support each other in our grief but she sent me back a frankly harsh reply saying I must meet her half way as she has messaged me but I dont reply for days sometimes.I have been doing that, its true but because I don't …
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Hoping to give Hope
by Golfer65- 1 reply
- 1.1k views
Very sadly I lost my beautiful wife last November to this terrible cancer she was only 57. My wife felt ill 1 month after her 50th birthday party , and after tests revealed lesion on the head of the pancreas we were all so shocked as she was such a fit lady. i had private healthcare so a whipple op was done very quickly she endured the chemo over the years well and she lived with cancer. I know the cancer got her in the end but she lived 7.5 years after diagnosis…. Why? No one could give me a straight answer, but with stubborn determination and of course a briliant surgeon if it’s caught early and operable fight to get a whippel op ASAP im sure it gav…
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It's been a year...
by rogs- 3 replies
- 2.6k views
It is exactly one year ago today that my beloved wife Margaret lost her battle with this awful cancer. In that year I have spent too long beating myself up about what I could - or should - have done differently in those difficult months before the end? If the truth be told, probably very little. I do personally now regret the decision we both made to try what is rather oddly known as 'palliative ' chemotherapy? Those who have experienced chemotherapy will know there is very little about it that can be described as 'palliative'. The side effects tend to be pretty brutal for many folk, and that can rob you of precious quality time, which is one of the things you…
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An anniversary I don't want
by Isa- 9 replies
- 22.6k views
I can't believe a year has gone by. I'm just so sad and the world goes on and doesn't notice.
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My Beloved Husband
by Travellingwidow- 2 replies
- 2.6k views
On this day five years ago my beloved husband left this world after a five month battle with pancreatic cancer. He had had four months of weight loss and pain and scans etc prior to this and was misdiagnosed. When he was eventually diagnosed on 3rd May it had already spread to his liver, spine and lungs. He was put on a very light chemo regimen because he was so frail and on 12th August we were told that it wasn’t working. I just need to say I miss you darling and love you more than ever. To those of you going through this, cosset yourself, allow yourself to feel the pain. I used to berate myself in those early years for some of the decisions I made or fai…
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depression
by vishalghatul- 1 reply
- 3.1k views
the sudden loss of a loved one can trigger a variety of psychiatric disorders in people with no history of mental illness , according to researchers at columbia university's mailman school of public health and colleagues at columbia's school of social work and harvard medical school .
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Cannot believe I've lost my husband
by Sukicat- 3 replies
- 5.6k views
We had been together for just over 40 years - married for 35 and I was 17 when we met. He was told a lesion found on his pancreas following a CT scan on Dec1st 2020 was probably cancerous but biopsies needed to confirm. Delays in getting a confirmed diagnosis from the biopsies, developing jaundice and stent insertion meant chemo was not started until end of Feb and he passed away on 12th April aged 62yrs. I don't know if I'm in shock, denial disbelief but it feels unreal I felt I was attending someone else's funeral. I feel so angry our future has been taken away we had so many plans in retirement. He was fit and well before diagnosis and thought his minimal symptoms …
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Losing my Mum and my Grandad 💜
by Littlebird- 1 reply
- 2.9k views
I have had many unfortunate losses of family members to cancer. My Nan and Grandad when I was little. My other Nan when I was a teen. Other distantly related but dear to heart members too. But losing my Mum 3 years ago was the worst. And it’s still the worst pain I’ve experienced, and it continues. Those memories, being in her home, seeing things she would have liked. She was having trouble with kidney stones just as I was moving out of our family home around 6 years ago. After many tests and back and forth with doctors it all seemed to be muddled up somehow and no answers were given. During this time, she was eating less, she was showing how her jeans didn’t …
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Dealing with loss at this time
by deb68- 1 reply
- 6.9k views
I have been reflecting on the triggers I feel during lockdown and wondered how other people are coping? I lost my beautiful daughter Gemma to pancreatic cancer 10 years ago at 27 years old. I have found these strange times extraordinarily difficult – even though life is always difficult and different without her. The constant sadness of families affected by the virus and the endless hospital scenes have brought back some very traumatic memories of when Gemma was ill and I think it’s easy for those of us who have lost someone to pancreatic cancer to feel even more isolated and alone as the whole world struggles to come to terms with Covid-19. Those feelings of loss an…
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Dads 1year anniversary of his death
by R19902009- 1 reply
- 5.9k views
My dad passed away this time last year I am going to the hospice to light a candle and write in the remembrance book and be where we saw him for the last time I feel it was only a few months ago we last him and feel I have seen him and my girls speak of him everyday and say they see him there 3 and 2 so it comforts me knowing he’s around us still x
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Writing this to help me cope
by Corinne- 13 replies
- 26.7k views
I lost my husband to this very aggressive cancer seven weeks ago so I am that raw emotion stage where tear inducing memories are everywhere and I am reminded of him all day long leading to a very deep sadness. We had been together 45 years, married for 42, and he died just too young at 66 years old, only 4 weeks after diagnosis. He had been suffering from back pain for some months but as he had broken some bones in his foot and had to wear a cast, his consultant thought that the two were related and once the cast came off the pain would subside. Unfortunately two days after the cast was removed my husband became seriously ill, unable to sleep or eat, his blood tests …
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Feeling depressed.
by rufusthedog- 1 reply
- 13.1k views
Hi everybody, My mother passed away to cancer one month ago. I am 30 years old, engaged, and my mother was my best friend. My mood lately is all over the place. I know that's normal and that it's okay. One second I'm happy and positive, the next i'm depressed, and on and on. I'm a generally happy and positive person, like my mom was. I'm still pretty happy and managing to hang in there, but with a huge gaping hole in my heart and a constant cloud of depression that follows me wherever I go. I know this is normal, i'm not looking for anybody to tell me that. I'm depressed, and it sucks. I'm 30 years old, i'm about to start doing IVF with my boyfriend (so we don…
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Dad passing away
by R19902009- 4 replies
- 18.2k views
My dad sadly passed away on 16 March 2019, 9.20 am after battling so hard since June 2015 in St. Christopher’s hospice. They were absolutely brilliant and cared so well. He was there for 5 days and did 2 nights in hospital before going to hospice. I cared for him right up until then. It’s been almost 8 weeks and still waiting for him to call me or send a text. My almost 3 year old wants to go and visit granddad at the special hotel as she called the hospice, bless her. My 9 year old is still crying most nights - he’s more upset as he was off to see marvel with him but sadly didn’t get the chance. I don't know why I’m writing this, but I felt people would under…
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Jeff lost his battle
by suzyma61- 3 replies
- 12.6k views
Hi, Only had the courage now to post that my husband Jeff lost his battle on the 10th of October 2018. He spent most of last year in hospital. It took 9 weeks for the doctors to make a definite diagnosis. There didn't seem to be any sense of urgency and we both went to hell and back. I know I have to move on with life but finding it incredibly difficult at the moment. Thanking you all for your support xx
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Moving on . . . .
by Justamo- 7 replies
- 27.3k views
Moving on. Physically, yes, but emotionally, no. Peter and I had actually looked, mildly, for a smaller house before he was diagnosed with PC. We had seen a couple of bungalows, but either they weren’t in the right area, or else were much too expensive, or were snapped up before we had a chance to view, so we hadn’t done very much about it. And then, of course, we landed on Planet PC and all other matters paled into insignificance. Despite having lived in this house for almost 40 years, I’ve never really been crazy about it. It was a convenient purchase when we were looking for somewhere suitable for my father, Peter and me, and my stepson, and suited us well e…
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She's gone 1 2
by InfoForMum- 34 replies
- 72k views
Hello lovely folk, In true style I'm probably not going to be brief here and I'm unlikely to pull punches about what happened, so if feeling fragile, perhaps leave for another day. This is the very last chapter of our story. The story I've written with no respect for brevity elsewhere here. You can find the second chapter of our story via the link below and that links to the early days when Mum was first diagnosed. http://forum.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=1168 Those who've been kind enough to follow my Mum's journey have probably noted my long absence and guessed what's been going on. After a 2 week hospital stay to put right a bout of se…
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Carrying On 1 2 3 4
by Guest Marmalade- 77 replies
- 123k views
Hello all, It seemed to me that "Our Journey Without Chemo" had run it's course and that life after Louis deserved a thread of it's own. Louis funeral was all we and he had hoped for. Good people, good music, wonderful flowers, so many speaking so well of him and the most beautiful service. I cried when they played his beautiful music, I cried to hear the readings and I cried when he was carried out of the church and when he went through the curtains at the crematoria. They were not great howling tears but constant streams of salty water which would not stop. Despite all these tears I have been calm. Not happy nor distraught but calm and every day I wait fo…
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Worried about my son...
by Proud Wife- 16 replies
- 37.3k views
My son is 21. We lost his dad (my husband) 10 months ago. They were incredibly close and idolised each other. He has coped so very well....up to now and the one person who I want to turn to for advice is of course no longer here. My son was able to carry his dad's coffin into the crematorium. He was able to stand up and deliver an amazing tribute to his dad without so much as a wobble. He's spent the past 10 months looking out for me and helping me stay strong (ish). Not only has he lost his dad but has also moved home with me and started a new job after being made redundant at the end of last year. So basically, everything that was familiar and comforting to hi…
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Magical mum
by sophva- 3 replies
- 16.9k views
Hi Everyone, After a 4 month battle with Pancreatic cancer, we lost our mum this week. She was diagnosed on 29th December after complaining of bloating/feeling full for about a month (that we're aware of, she often kept these things to herself) and following about 10 days of testing we were told she had stage 4 Pancreatic cancer which had spread to her peritoneum. She went through one round of chemo and then had a bowl bypass (we still wonder if this was necessary) and the surgeon said she was riddled with cancer. They also said she wasn't responding to chemo, so they wanted to just get her comfortable as mum was in severe pain right from the beginning until the end. …
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First Xmas (& advice needed on mediums)
by natters- 5 replies
- 19.5k views
Hi, havent been on in a while. Hope everyone is okay. This will be the first xmas without my lovely daddy. Feels like a lifetime I havent seen him and yet,this time last year, he was here with us xmas shopping (in between chemos). I miss him so much. I have never really been in to mediums but have been thinking about seeing one to try to make contact with him, as it may provide some comfort. Views on this would be very welcome.... xx
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Forum Threads II
by Dandygal76- 18 replies
- 37.8k views
Hi PCUK and nurse Diane I note that there was no right of reply to the message stating that the 'non cancer chat' thread had been removed and so I created my own thread to allow such reply. I cannot recall now where PW posted but I hope it was in the 'coping with loss' section I have posted on because it is still early days for her loss and so I considered it a part of what she needed right now. Perhaps it could have been moved there if not? I was wondering... do you still keep a copy of the thread or has it been deleted for all time? I would really appreciate a copy sent to me if that would be in accordance with your protocols. I have been in a place several ti…
