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It's been a year...

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It is exactly one year ago today that my beloved wife Margaret  lost her battle with this awful cancer.  
In that year I have spent too long beating myself up about what I could - or should  - have done differently in those difficult months before the end?
If the truth be told, probably very little. I do personally now regret the decision we both made to try what is rather oddly known as 'palliative ' chemotherapy?  
Those who have experienced chemotherapy will know there is very little about it that can be described as 'palliative'. The side effects tend to be pretty brutal for many folk, and that can rob you of precious quality time, which is one of the things you can ill  afford to lose with terminal cancer.


'They' tell me things will start to get easier...... What they don't say is when?
I still miss Margaret desperately every day , and look on jealously at those folk in the Cancer Research and Macmillan TV adverts,  whose smiling faces show that their cancer treatments are being successful.... I'll bet not many of them are suffering from Pancreatic Cancer?

But that's unfair of course....  I do wish them all well, and still donate what I can to a number of cancer charities. We can all hope that one day the survival rates for Pancreatic Cancer start to rival those of some other cancers, which have seen dramatic improvements in recent years.  

I'm sure the researchers are doing their very best to try and make that happen.

Until that time I - and I'm sure many other folk - am very grateful to those who do their very best to help people cope with Pancreatic Cancer today.... 

The specialist nurses and hospice teams. The district and palliative care nurses. Indeed, all the medical professionals who do their very best to help us cope with this most deadly of cancers. Without them, I'm not sure how many of us would manage at all!


I can no longer say 'this time last year' any more, when referring to anything Margaret and I did together.  
That seems like a milestone passed. What I do need to do is try and not let that 'milestone' become a 'millstone'.
It is time to try and look forward.  But it's not going to be easy....


My advice to those of you still on this sad journey is to try and maximise your quality time..... It is very precious.

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Hi Rogs you could do nothing to prevent the loss of your beloved Margaret, pancan doesn't take prisoners, it doesn't care about us, don't blame yourself for what pancan did to Margaret.

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