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Mum gone 😓


Mrs T
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In June 2022, we found out that my best friend, my mum had stage 4 PC. 63 years young. This was after numerous tests and scans due to Unexplained weight loss, lack of appetite, feeling full, tiredness and excessive burping. I was with her when we found out the news. She lost her brother to the same thing 18months prior, which made it worse as we all knew what was to come. She took the news so well and was such an inspiration.  She was given 6months to live.

 

We had to wait a week for a oncolgy appointment, which is ridiculous.  She decided against treatment.  We had a phone appointment with a dietician , which was informative but unfortunately a few days later she practically lost her appetite so at this point eating anything atall was a bonus. Mum became more fatigued as the days went on, which she struggled with. Everything slowly became 'hard work'. 

 

We booked a last holiday, but unfortunately she became ill. At this point she was spending a lot of the day sleeping, vomiting, increased urination and very weak. We assumed it was just the toll of the PC but found out that her blood sugar levels were extremely high (she was type 2 Diabetic). She was actually suffering with severe Diabetic Ketoacidodis (DKA) has anyone else experienced this?  She was admitted into ICU and spent over a week there.  We were told it may be fatal. After four days they managed to get her as stable as could be but she then became end of life as the PC  accelerated.  The only blessing was she didn't experience pain like my uncle did. We made the decision to get her home.

 

End of life was near....her feet and toes started to become blue, not eating or drinking, she became withdrawn then unresponsive . Five days later she passed away ...thankfully with no pain , at home. I take comfort knowing that she came home, was painless and didn't prolong the end of life stage. Her way. Her terms . Her journey was from June- July 2022 My mum passed away 6weeks after diagnosis, 6days ago.  It's all been a lot. 

 

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this, hopefully it will help to get things off my chest or/and help someone else . If anyone is or has gone through this feel free to contact me. 

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I’m so sorry Mrs T. It’s such a cruel disease and you’ve had a double whammy losing your uncle as well. Well done for getting her home. I know how much of a difference it can make for our loved ones to die in their own beds surrounded by family. 
 

The next weeks and months won’t be easy, but you do learn to live around the grief. Be kind to yourself and do things because you want to, not because it’s what’s expected of you. Celebrate her life.

 

Sending good wishes. 

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Floofmom

So very sorry to hear this Mrs T.  It's shocking how fast it all happened and I can't imagine how stunned you must feel. It's good that she wasn't in pain and she got home too.  Thank you for sharing.  I know everyone has different experiences but sometimes things resonate with others and they get some comfort in reading and know that they aren't going through things alone.  Thinking of you and your family and hoping that you get through the coming times together xx

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17 hours ago, Borobi said:

I’m so sorry Mrs T. It’s such a cruel disease and you’ve had a double whammy losing your uncle as well. Well done for getting her home. I know how much of a difference it can make for our loved ones to die in their own beds surrounded by family. 
 

The next weeks and months won’t be easy, but you do learn to live around the grief. Be kind to yourself and do things because you want to, not because it’s what’s expected of you. Celebrate her life.

 

Sending good wishes. 

Thanks Borobi ...just hope I hope I have the strength.  X 

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IMissYouDad

Hi Mrs T

 

It's a difficult time for sure, hard to get your head around what has happened, why it happened and how quickly life changed for you. I was in a similar situation last year, my dad passed 5 weeks after diagnosis and due to covid rules at hospitals we weren't allowed to see him for the first 3 weeks as he wasn't deemed to be at end of life stage. Infact, we kept being told he had around 12 months. He grew weaker and weaker - no option to have surgery and also too weak for chemo. The cancer spread to his peritoneum and he had malignant asites so prognosis was poor. 

 

The whole experience was very traumatic and it definitely won't ever go away. It's hard to gain perspective at a time like this but when I'm drowning in my grief, my mind wanders and it dawns on me, that my dad got to live to the age of 67. He got to experience life, people, good food, make memories etc.. a shorter life than some but it was full. Many aren't so lucky and they are robbed of life before it really begins.  

 

It certainly won't be easy and you won't forget this time.. the pain will overwhelm you more often than not, but all you can do is keep going. 

 

Sending you lots of love. Xx

 

 

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Hi Mrs T,

 

I am sat here in the hospice watching my dad take what could be his last few breaths and I cannot tell you the sadness I feel as I read your story.

 

This b**tard cancer has ruined far too many lives. I wish I had words of comfort  for you but all I can say is I am so grateful to you for sharing your experience. 

 

We wanted to keep dad home too but sadly his symptoms simply could not be managed so we have been brought to the hospice only to be told you have days.. possibly less. 
 

He is currently quite settled but I reckon it’s the drugs they have pumped him up with. I just pray he goes in peace now and this 3 months of suffering finally eases. His breathing keeps changing but I’m not sure if that’s the secretions or him approaching the time :( 
 

I don’t think any amount of time will ever prepare us in letting go of a loved one. I just hope we all find some peace and comfort one day.. sending you a big big hug xx

 

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Support Team

Dear Mrs T,

 

Sending our condolences and thoughts to you on the sad passing of Mum.  Being able to have Mum at home with you where she was pain free and comfortable must have been a blessing.

 

Hopefully in time you will remember special memories and joyful times spent with Mum.

 

Sending our heartfelt thoughts to you.

 

Administrator

Pancreatic Cancer UK

 

 

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On 7/31/2022 at 8:22 PM, IMissYouDad said:

Hi Mrs T

 

It's a difficult time for sure, hard to get your head around what has happened, why it happened and how quickly life changed for you. I was in a similar situation last year, my dad passed 5 weeks after diagnosis and due to covid rules at hospitals we weren't allowed to see him for the first 3 weeks as he wasn't deemed to be at end of life stage. Infact, we kept being told he had around 12 months. He grew weaker and weaker - no option to have surgery and also too weak for chemo. The cancer spread to his peritoneum and he had malignant asites so prognosis was poor. 

 

The whole experience was very traumatic and it definitely won't ever go away. It's hard to gain perspective at a time like this but when I'm drowning in my grief, my mind wanders and it dawns on me, that my dad got to live to the age of 67. He got to experience life, people, good food, make memories etc.. a shorter life than some but it was full. Many aren't so lucky and they are robbed of life before it really begins.  

 

It certainly won't be easy and you won't forget this time.. the pain will overwhelm you more often than not, but all you can do is keep going. 

 

Sending you lots of love. Xx

 

 

I too try to focus in the positives. My mom was at peace with her diagnosis as like your dad she had a fulfilled life and was happy with all aspects, not having any regrets etc. Her cancer journey was short and not drawn out in pain and lengthly suffering. 

 

I'm just keeping busy with funeral arrangements....Still feels so surreal.  Thinking of you ❤️ 

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We lost our Beautiful, brave Mum on 7 May 2022 to this awful disease.

She was diagnosed Nov 21 - So she fought bravely to the end, but lost so much weight it was heartbreaking (tears writing this).

She managed to be home for Christmas & New year, but was back in hospital 14 Feb, only 6 more days after that at home, then hospital & finally hospice.

She never once complained.

Watching the disease progress in someone you love, the fact that they cannot eat or drink, but are dry & thirsty is awful.

I pray for anyone whos is currently suffering from this terrible condition, & their families.

Sending love x

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PCUK Nurse Rachel R

I'm very sorry to hear about your lovely brave Mum Jil.  You must miss her very much.  She sounds like an amazing special lady.  I'm sure you were such a comfort to Mum. 

Thanks for your support to others affected by this devastating disease.

Rachel

 

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse

Pancreatic Cancer UK Support Line: Freephone 0808 801 0707 (Mon, Tues, Thur, Fri from 09:00 - 16:00hrs and Wed from 10:00 - 16:00hrs)
or email: 
nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

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