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Fifi

What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Fifi » Fri May 09, 2014 6:25 pm

I know my dad can't leave the house at the moment. But I was hoping that they could eventually sort his diarrhoea and he will be able to have days out. On Wednesday, I bought him 2 tickets to watch the St Leger at Doncaster. It isn't while September. He went mad when I told him and made me cancel them. He said I can't keep buying him things as it won't cure his cancer. I told him it was a Fathers Day gift. He said I made his diarrhoea bad and that I have to stop.

Today, I told work that I want to be with my dad when he gets the results of his colonoscopy, they said they understood. I text my dad to not worry about me getting into trouble at work, as they respect my decision. He called me, and went ballistic on the phone. People out of two different rooms heard him, and came out! He said if I turn up for the results, then he won't go for them and to leave him alone. He said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore " for the sake of his health ". I am making him worse.

I have tried calling and texting but he hasn't answered me. I was going to leave it for tonight now and then try again in the morning like nothing has happened.

Has anyone else had this problem please? And what happened please?

Leila x

janem
Posts: 29
Joined: Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:45 pm

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby janem » Fri May 09, 2014 8:03 pm

My dad was like this with my sister, whenever she visited it was 'your not staying long are you' or 'I was just about to eat my dinner'. He also refused to answer the phone to his oldest friend or let friends visit. The only people he seemed to tolerate was my cousin (to discuss their favourite football team), my daughters and myself. I let everything he said just wash over me, like why can't it just be over and I wish I could die sooner rather than later and I haven't got a life anymore. While my sister always questioned how much he ate and told him to think more positive. I'm not saying your father is the same though.

He is trying to come to terms with what is happening and just trying to protect you like he probably always has. I must be hard for them to cope with the role reversal as you must be to.

Just remember that despite what he is saying he still loves you deeply and soon will be asking for you.

Take care of yourself and just be there for him

sending you (cyber) hugs
Nikki

Fifi

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Fifi » Fri May 09, 2014 8:31 pm

Thank you Nikki,

Originally, he was like this with his girlfriend. Told her that she doesn't want to visit a dying man. All I want is for him to not get results on his own, good or bad. I know he doesn't like me spending money, so maybe he's worried about the train ticket. I know he is angry, I am angry too. I don't want this to happen to my dad.

I will try and speak to him again tomorrow.

Leila xx

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Didge » Fri May 09, 2014 9:14 pm

I'm so sorry - this is difficult. You could just turn up whether he wants you there or not. Or you could go along with what he says. Perhaps he feels he has more control when there is no input from other people. Maybe you could go anyway and offer to sit in the waiting room if he doesn't want you there (I suppose you'd have to have his permission to be in with the doc anyway). That way you'd be there if he changes his mind. Tough one! x

Fifi

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Fifi » Fri May 09, 2014 10:32 pm

He always sends me a goodnight text between 9.30-10.00pm. He hasn't done tonight.

I'm so sad.

x

Fifi

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Fifi » Sat May 10, 2014 9:17 am

I've just spoken to him. He is extremely upset. He said sorry, I told him it doesn't matter. I'm going with him for results now. Think he was just scared, understandably.

x

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Didge » Sat May 10, 2014 12:46 pm

That's good news. I feel for your poor dad as well as you. Glad there has been a 'making up' x

Fifi

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby Fifi » Sat May 10, 2014 1:44 pm

Me too. At least I suppose, he has someone who can release his anger out on. I would rather it be me than anyone else, because obviously, he can't push me away.

xx

sandraW
Posts: 1040
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: What to do when your pushed away?

Postby sandraW » Sat May 10, 2014 3:07 pm

That's good, at least you can be there with him and ask any questions you want to ask. I find my husband gets short with me too, we have made a pact, that when he feels down, or frustrated, he just tells me that he feels cross, and then at least I know what's coming !! but it must be hard when things happen over the phone, and you just want to give him a big ((hug)) take care sandrax