A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

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mogs
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:45 am

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby mogs » Wed Mar 05, 2014 4:57 pm

Thank you Cathy. That's so kind. I love that phrase and will keep on keeping on.
Jeni- thank you so much for taking the time to reply an explain all that to me. It really is appreciated. I spoke to mums oncologist today who answered some questions that I couldn't ask in front of her. It's so hard accepting that we can't do anything for them but I will support and fight this all the way with her. Already I can feel how much this has brought us closer and I will treasure the time we have left. Thank you again for all the support. I am so relieved to have come across this site and you have already helped in so many ways
Cara x

welshgirl
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:48 pm

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby welshgirl » Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:36 pm

Hello Cara

I've just been reading your posts and they are just like reading my own story last year. My mother was diagnosed with inoperable PC back in October 2012, she too was a healthy lady until she started to complain of pains in her side and radiating to her back. I was totally devastated at the diagnosis!!! Sadly mum lost her battle last October, she lived a year and a week from diagnosis but was brave from day one!!!

She was 75 but a young 75 and not only did I loose my mother but I lost my bestest friend in the whole world!!! I miss her SO much!!!

I feel for you with the journey you are going on. My advice to you would be to stay strong, cry when you are alone but stay strong in front of your mother. Most of all I would tell you to cherish each second you have with her, being there for her now will give you the strength to carry on. Your mother will live on in you!!!

Best of wishes

Nia x

mogs
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:45 am

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby mogs » Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:18 pm

Oh NIa thank you for posting that- especially after losing your mum in a similar way. You are so right. We are very alike and she too is my best friend. We do everything together which is why this is going to be so hard. Goodness knows how often we text each other in a day! I'm trying to stay strong but its the speed of his disease which frightens me. I just can't imagine her not being there. She's well at the moment- her pain relief has improved so going to make the most of being able to do things with her. She actually looks the best she has in months (which is crazy knowing what we now know). Thank you again for your message.I hope that you are still staying strong and cherish the wonderful memories left behind.
With love cara x

welshgirl
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:48 pm

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby welshgirl » Fri Mar 07, 2014 8:50 pm

Dear Cara

Mum was very well for 10months, she had good quality of life even though she was having chemo, she tolerated it well but both her and I knew right from the start that he battle would come to an end one day!!! She used to be a nurse so knew full well what the outcome would be. I also knew it but never actually thought or didnt want to think that the day would actually come!!!

Most of the time I was a realist and because of that I made sure that mum and I made the most of every second we had together. As we live in a seaside town I would take her down to the harbour in my car and we would just sit there chatting away or sometimes just sit quietly BUT enjoying each other's company. Mum and I were the closest and because of that I dont think I'll ever get over loosing her. With time I guess I have to come to terms and move on but mum will always live on with me and in me!!!!

Remember to take plenty of photos Cara, videos and whatever else you can just to look back and cherish what you had with her, they will be so precious to you. I am now thankful that I had the best mother in the world and that I was lucky enough to have her until she was 75, some are not that lucky!!!

Pancreatic Cancer is a fast mover but I took the decision to look after her in my home until the end. I know this decision is not for everyone BUT its one I took and now can look back and be thankful that I did my very best for her, she deserved the best!

I dont know what your circumstance are Cara but I was lucky enough to have a supportive husband and GP (I work for her). You have to be realistic about what going to happen and wherever possible just talk to you mum about what she wants, its so much easier for you to know what she wants and doesnt want.

I will be keeping an eye out for you Cara, I really do feel for you as I have been through exactly what you are going through, my heart goes out to you. If I can be of any help to you or if you would like to ask me anything, please feel free to do so ok, I'll be here.

All the best
Nia x

mogs
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:45 am

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby mogs » Sat Mar 08, 2014 10:38 am

Dear Nia,
Your message has touched me so much. I cannot believe that you have taken so much time to respond. Thank you. She starts her chemo on Wednesday so we're taking it from there really. See how she responds to it and how much she is able to do. We're a very small, close family and my 2 sons adore her-as she them. My husband is very supportive and is saying'do whatever you feel you need to-i'll be there' which I am so grateful for.
We actually spend a lot of time in West Wales(her chemo will be based in Cardiff)and like you will be grateful for the peacefulness and time that we can spend together there.
I lost my brother 12 years ago (leaving me an only child) so i can understand how difficult it is to move on when you've lost someone so close. You sound as though you're a strong woman and your mother would have been so proud of everything that you did for her.It takes a long time to heal but they do live on in and through you. My niece only has to say certain things or give a certain look and immediately, its like he is back in the room with us! I will keep talking to mum and follow her wishes but i too want to look after her as much as i possibly can. It's almost like the last big thing i can do for her. Does that make sense?? Again, thank you so much for offering your advice and support.I very much appreciate it.
with love and strength
Cara x

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby Cathy » Sat Mar 08, 2014 6:55 pm

Hi Cara

Very best of luck for Wednesday and the chemo starting.

Nia, lovely to hear from you again. I hope you are managing ok.

Cathy xxx

mogs
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:45 am

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby mogs » Sun Mar 09, 2014 12:56 pm

Thank you Cathy. Will let you know how it goes.

Fifi

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby Fifi » Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:02 pm

Cara,

How is the chemo going? I think you are doing so well. You standing your mums corner and that is what she needs. How are the hospital staff, are they keeping you informed? Are they telling you everything you feel you want to know? If not, call, call and call, until you have your answers.
Hope your mum is coping with the chemo and doesn't have too many bad side effects.

xx

Jwilson
Posts: 100
Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:52 am

Re: Feeling Alone

Postby Jwilson » Fri Mar 21, 2014 12:36 am

Hi Cara/mogs. So sorry to hear and read about your mum. With this illness for some people pain is not the biggest symptom they experience. As far as my husband was concerned pain was our number one concern. There were nights when he was screaming in agony. Get the out of hours doctor if it gets really bad. You just have to to get relief. There are morphine based drugs. Slow release...OxyContin taken night and morning and the dosage can go up and up and up so don't worry about the numbers you are hearing. At one stage Bills dosage stepped up every day for about a week until we got it under control. Also we had oxynorm for breakthrough pain plus two paracetamol every four hours. Ask the GP to get you a hospice nurse to help. They know all there is to know about pain relief and our nurse was simply amazing. Take all the help you can get. Ask for the drugs that you hear or read about as you should not have to watch your poor mum unable to sleep and in pain. If the pain runs to the back it's travelling along a nerve and there is another drug for that. I'm afraid I forget its name. Maybe your mum could have a nerve block treatment to relieve the pain? It's done by endoscope. Ask them about it anyway. What's the chemo? Gem/cap? If so it just makes you tired generally, not sick. I hope you are coping ok and that your mum is getting better care now
June