A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Judith16 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 7:24 am

On Tuesday 16th August at 10.20pm my husband Mark passed away in my arms. He fought so hard but in the end, this cruel disease took him.
His last 10 days were the most difficult, on oxygen at home 24hrs a day, uncomfortable and suffering the most terrifying anxiety attacks. We were having district nurses in to administer pain killing drugs and medazalan for the anxiety. Eventually through a syringe driver, but we still needed to phone for nurses to top up. Eventually on Monday morning the call came through to say there was a bed available out our wonderful hospice, it was such a relief.

Our last couple of days were so peaceful, he was in no pain and very comfortable, but grumpy!!! Bless him. I slept at the hospice and our children were amazing, cooked evening meals at home and brought them to the hospice, where we could sit outside and eat whilst Mark was sleeping.

There is a huge ache in my heart which wont go away, I feel lost, numb and unable to even think about funeral. Thank goodness for my children, who are sorting me out, propping me up even though they are suffering themselves.

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Wife&Mum » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:22 am

My heart goes out to you Judith. Thinking of you and wishing you strength to help you through the coming days. Love W&M xx

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby boa » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:49 am

Very sorry to hear your news but so pleased Mark was comfortable at the hospice.

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Ant11 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:29 am

So sorry to read your very sad news as your wonderful husband Mark is taken far too early from this dreadful disease. So pleased though your last few days were peaceful and you have great support from your family. Nobody can prepare you for the days, weeks and months ahead, just one step at a time. Sending you strength and prayers. Annette xxx

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Sueoliver » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:44 pm

Judith I am so sorry to read your news. I am glad you were at the hospice at the end they are wonderful places. I am thinking of you and I send you love and strength for the coming days.
Love Sue xxx


Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Marmalade » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:07 am

Darling Judith,

I am so very sorry that I was so wrapped up in my own situation that I have not been here for you. I am holding your hand across the interweb and sharing your grief.

It is a dreadful thing to be without the one who always held you up. I just keep telling myself that if Louis could bear his burden I must try and bear mine so that his life and suffering will not be for nothing and not be forgotten.

It's so very hard Judith but we will come through.

All my love, M xx

PCUK Nurse Dianne
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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby PCUK Nurse Dianne » Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:05 pm

Dear Judith,

We are sorry to hear your sad news of Mark's passing. Please do accept our sincerest and heartfelt condolences at this sad time. It is warming to know that this amazing forum family 'dig deep' to support you.

It was also lovely to hear that you found peace and respite in the wonderful hospice environment and hope that Mark was comfortable and peaceful in his last days there.

Thinking of you Judith with our deepest sympathy,

The nursing team,
Pancreatic Cancer UK

Proud Wife
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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Proud Wife » Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:53 pm

Thinking of you Judith xx

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby jay » Sun Aug 21, 2016 1:34 pm

I am so sorry Judith, thinking of you all
love Jayne

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Didge » Sun Aug 21, 2016 8:37 pm

Judith am so sorry to hear your news. Glad you have family to help you through the arrangements. Xx

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby sandraW » Mon Aug 29, 2016 2:20 pm

So sorry to her you have lost you beloved husband Mark to his truly horendous disease, I am pleased to hear you got to the hospice, they are amazing places and help to take the stress away from you, your famiy sound greatgiving you support, take care love sandrax xx

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Judith16 » Mon Nov 07, 2016 6:57 pm

Hi All
I have not been on here a lot since my husband passed away, its been a whirlwind of paperwork and emotions. Still not believing he wont walk through the door every evening. Still I am coping with friends and family to help me on the way. The things I have done so far, visited friends in Yately on my own. The biggest so far was driving myself to Cornwall on my own to visit more friends. Mark had always done the driving on long journeys, so I decided the sooner the better to do it on my own. I had a Sat Nav, a road map, a post it note with the main roads plus of course a photo of Mark on the front seat. I did it in 4hrs 20 mins with just one comfort stop, I was so proud of myself, plus I got back to. No speeding tickets in the post!!

On the 19th November, my husbands masonic lodge is holding a Charity Ball to raise funds specifically for Pancreatic Cancer UK, they have asked me to say a few words about PCUK about what it does and how the moneys are spent etc. I am hoping to get some facts and figures from the website, maybe one of the nurses could point me in the right direction.

Aside from that we raised in Marks memory just over £1400 from the funeral.

Much love to everyone battling this disease and the loved ones who are caring for them x

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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Veema » Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:13 pm

Judith...that's brilliant.

I lost Nige on 23rd September and I am now starting to do the stuff that he has always done...I've done some tiling in the bathroom today and sorted some stuff in the garage out! I always used to have such a lot of confidence in myself, but as I've got older it's ebbed away and I really need to get it back.

What a fantastic amount you raised from the funeral...I hope your charity ball raises loads too.

Much love


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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby Dandygal76 » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:54 am

Hey Judith, what a brilliant amount raised from the funeral. People are just so lovely and generous around this ghastly disease that it is sometimes overwhelming. Cornwall is so lovely, I used to spend my summers in Mevagissey because my uncle owned the wheelhouse restaurant and B&B on the harbour front. I remember those long journeys though and my mum used to drive us down there in a mini !!

I hope the rest of the family is coping as well. I think you are doing amazingly well and it is still early days. I think as I have got older I have lost certain skills, my main one being able to deal with any electronic gadgets. I can't even set the tele up to all the gadgets. I just rely on the boys and my other half.

I hope the charity ball is an absolute success and I am sure the PCUK nurses will help you with the facts and figures.


PCUK Nurse Jeni
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Re: Struggling with it all

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Tue Nov 08, 2016 3:50 pm

Hi Judith,

Thank you for posting and for doing some fundraising for the charity - we are so very grateful.

In terms of facts and figures, yes, of course.

If you would like to email our communications team, who look after all things PCAM (Awareness month), then they will let you know the main stats we are working with this PCAM.

Their email address is:


I hope this is OK? And thank you again so much.

Kind regards,

Jeni Jones
Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse
Support Team
Pancreatic Cancer UK
email: support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk
support line: 0808 801 0707