A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby kateeighty8 » Tue Sep 22, 2015 1:11 pm

Hello Sandra, thanks for your message. So sorry to hear that you lost your husband, it's so terribly sad. My sister and I are trying to support my mum wherever we can but at times feel quite useless. Sometimes it's enough just to go and sit with my dad while she goes out for a bit, it is such a full time job looking after someone so unwell and I worry that she doesn't get any time for herself. Of course there are lots of hugs and tears too, and she is very good at talking about things openly. She is so amazing.

Dad is trying to stay positive and get the most out of each day. He is doing a few 'bucket list' things when he has the strength, which is both a joy to see and heartbreaking in equal measures. I have told my almost grown up daughters that they need to get on and think about their own bucket lists NOW because all of this really has shown us that life is so precious and we need to live every day to the full while we are fit and healthy. Dad's enthusiasm is as contagious as ever and he is inspiring us all. He has shown that no matter how physically weak you become there are still things that can give you joy, and with the help of good friends and family these things can be achieved.

I hope you are all well. I think about all your stories and advice every day and it gives me strength. Thank you x

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby Marieb » Thu Sep 24, 2015 9:47 pm

Hi Kate

So sorry to hear about your dad. For many of us the story of misdiagnosis is very familiar and one that I can personally relate to. It makes me so mad that this is considered to be a silent cancer...I wasn't silent, I was complaining with the key symptoms for months!

I am so sorry to hear that your dad has so little time but you sound like a really close family. Make the most of your time together, it is very precious.

I was lucky to be offered Folforinox as I am young and fit but it looks like even for me it's proving very difficult.

take care of yourselves, and thank you for taking the time to reply to my post...its great to know that there is support out there through all of this.

Marie X

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby kateeighty8 » Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:55 pm

Hello all, sorry I haven't posted in a while.

Just to let you all know that my Dad passed away peacefully yesterday morning. He remained at home throughout, surrounded by family and cared for and loved to the end by us all, particularly my wonderful Mum who has done everything she possibly could for him. She attended to his every need 24 hours a day, barely sleeping, keeping him comfortable, fighting his corner when needed with the occasional unhelpful professional, protecting his dignity, helping him to make the most of each day, and of course simply loving him.

I cannot explain how much Dad will be missed and how difficult it is to believe that he truly is gone. I'm simply heartbroken. I am so pleased that he went so peacefully, with no pain, cherished in his own home. Pleased too that we all had the chance to talk properly with him, tell him anything we wanted him to know, share our tears and laughter with him, and those last important hugs and kisses.

Both the Macmillan and Marie Curie nurses were marvellous, so supportive and knowledgeable, a real source of comfort to my Mum.

As a family we have become closer, and our focus now is on supporting my Mum and looking to the future, while keeping Dad firmly in our minds and hearts.

Thank you to anyone who has replied to my post, you have all been so kind. All your advice and good wishes have made a very real difference to me. I hope that sharing my experience has helped others to feel less alone too, and I would encourage anyone to join in the conversations here. I certainly will continue to follow your stories and hope to contribute if I can be of any help in return.

Much love to you all.

With great sadness,


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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby belgrade » Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:42 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad has lost his fight, but glad that it was peaceful and in his own home. I lost my husband to this cruel disease just over 2 years ago and don't know how I would have coped without my 2 daughters. Your Mum will need a lot of support and understanding in the coming weeks and months, sometimes very hard when you yourself are grieving. Your Dad will never really leave you as you will always carry him in your heart. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Take care,
Hilary x

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby Marieb » Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:43 pm

Hi Kate

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, from your words it is easy to tell that you loved your dad very much. pancreatic Cancer is so cruel but it at least sounds like he had a peaceful death. I lost my mum last year, she had a condition called Sjogrens Syndrome, it isn't normally terminal. She went into hospital for what we thought was something minor and 10 weeks later we lost her. In her final days she was looked after by MacMillan nurses and like you we were able to be with her night and day.

I will always be grateful for that time and the way she was supported to die well with the people she loved.

You and your family are in my thoughts tonight.


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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby WilliamS » Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:50 pm

So sorry to hear your news Kate. Thinking of you and your family.

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby sheena » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:32 pm

So sorry to hear your news x

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby Sueoliver » Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:02 am

Dear Kate,
I am so very sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself and your lovely Mum.
Thinking of you all,
Love Sue xxx

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby jay » Sat Oct 03, 2015 10:42 am

I am so sorry Kate, thinking of you and your family,
love Jayne

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby sandraW » Sat Oct 03, 2015 11:04 am

Kate, I am so sorry to hear the sad news you have lost your lovely dad, but its good it was so peaceful, and that you all had the time to be together as a family and say your goodbyes.
I am glad you got the support you needed from the nurses, they on the whole do a marvellous job.
Your dad's decline was obviously very quick, and you must all still be trying to come to terms with that, as well as the shock of loosing him. I am sending love and strength to you all, and I hope the latter memories are soon forgotten, and your memories become that happy time, of him playing volleyball on his holiday with his grandchildren just a few short weeks ago. take care, love sandrax xx

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby Didge » Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:24 pm

So sorry to hear your sad news xxx

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby kateeighty8 » Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:31 am

Thank you all for your kind messages. This really is a terrible time, but I feel so fortunate to have a loving family around me and we are all supporting each other.

Bless you all, I hope you are all doing ok,



Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby Fifi » Sun Oct 04, 2015 12:44 pm

Kate, I am very very sorry to read about your lovely brave Dad.

This illness is so horrible and cruel. When my Dad passed, a nurse said to me, " he takes the best first".

From only a few posts, it is easy to see how much your Dad was loved. I hope in time, you can take comfort from the fact that your Dad knew how much he was loved, and how much he loved you. Precious times.

Take care and don't be afraid to let out any feelings you have, no matter what they are.

Thinking of you and your family.

Leila xx

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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby kateeighty8 » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:23 pm

Thank you so much Leila for your messages, your words are a great comfort, I didn't really think before about it all that way, but you are so right about how we have loved each other. And some of the most precious times are not always the most obvious, it can be simply a private moment, a throw away joke, a knowing glance…

As to feelings, it's a roller coaster and I'm not sure what's round the next bend.

I hope you are finding some peace yourself. I hope you have someone to talk to and share your feelings and thoughts. Please get in touch with me if you need to share - I'm not sure how that is achieved through this medium, but I hate to think that you feel alone and hope I could help.

My thoughts are with you,


PCUK Nurse Rachel C
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Re: So frightened for my Dad

Postby PCUK Nurse Rachel C » Tue Oct 06, 2015 3:40 pm

Dear Kate,

I am so sorry to hear this sad news.

On behalf of everyone at Pancreatic Cancer UK I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences.

Our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

From all the support team
Pancreatic Cancer Nurse Specialist
Support and Information Team