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My thoughts on this miserable thing


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One outlet for me is writing. Thought I'd share. No feedback asked for or needed.

7 weeks 3 days and 4 hours. Less than 2 months and life has been redesigned around me. Mother now patient, child now carer, friends helped now friends helping, hospital now home. Every day the probabilities evolve and normality changes. Prognoses masking people behind the portion of each percent.

Each day at a time. Each life sucking, drawn out, cancer filled day. Fighting to climb out of the miasma of everything to do with the disease, desperate to see glimpses of an old reality around it. How do you deal with something this outrageously huge and unfair?

You do.

You draw on the visceral core of what it is to be human. To survive.

This battle has only just had it's lines drawn. We are outnumbered 4 to 1. If our surgeon decides the battle is not, on balance, to our benefit 3/4 of our troops leave with him. If he stands with us it's 20% chance of being here, relatively whole, enemy slain, in 5 years. No general would authorise this fight, but they are not in charge. It's the ones with everything to lose, clawing until their last breath to protect the loved ones and way of life they leave behind.

Chemical warfare and targeted strikes. Lots of collateral damage. Many times ahead, looking at the suffering and doubting this is worthwhile.

Each day at a time. Each painful, nauseous, fearful day. Each pain free, fantastic, laughter filled day. Each kind of day in between. To survive.

Edited by InfoForMum
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I completely understand your pain and pray that your Mum can win this battle over a sly and monstrous enemy. My husband has battled this insidious disease for over 5 months and unfortunately lost his battle earlier today.

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What an earthshattering day. I truely hope you have people with you who you can lean on and hope you return to lean on forum members, who will understand without you having to explain as you try to find some peace with this in future.

Bless you for taking the time to wish me and my Mum well.


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