Stage 4 pc 3-6months to live

[mints]

My husband (50) has just been given 3-6 months to live??? after reading this web site I can relate to many of the experiences on it.

I feel angry that his G.P. did not pick up on it earlier, when 3-4 months prior to diagnosis,september 2010 he presented his doctor with..excessive weight loss,pain under his right rib,diarrhea and even yellowing in his eyes,the four basic symptoms.

He had various other tests, colonoscopy, x rays, ultra sound for gall stones, but not a C.T. scan.When all tests came back negative,he was given a presciption of co-codalmol for the pain and told he had I.B.S. Grrrrr

A&E diagnosed it, when he turned up with very dark urine.

Ten days later with stent in place he was diagnosed with stage 3 inopperable pc.

He took part in the Scalop clinical trial, but had so many problems with the stent he missed about 3/4 sessions, but did 6 weeks radiotherapy.

The trial was supposed to prolong his life, but in his case he was dogged with other problems,he was alergic to Creon and even a substitute enzyme made his throat swell up.

His energy levels are up and down with constsant diarrhea,steroids have helped but make him eat more which creates digestive problems.

I am absolutely heartbroken to watch the love of my life deteriate in this way, Cancer is a cruel disease at the best of times, but this....

I have had tears streaming down my face reading some of the accounts of what I may yet have to face.

He has the option of some more chemo, but has chosen not to have it.

I am trying to prepare myself for what's to come, but I don't think we ever can.

Dark days

[pamela]

I am so sorry to hear about your husband.My advice is to spend those special moments together,even if it's watching a film you both enjoy or listening to some music.It's not easy i know,but try and enjoy some quality time together.

Are you getting support from the macmillan nurses or district nurses as well as the oncologist.

Thinking of you.

Pamx

[mints]

Thank you pam, it's amazing how things like listening to music, or watching a film together become more special than ever.

We do have good support in district nurses and mc millan nurses.

[Nardobd]

Hello Mints and welcome to the forums...although I could wish to "meet" you under better circumstances.

I'm glad to see you have a good support system in place. As Pamela said, it's important to spend some quality time together. The only other advice I have is to treat hubby "normally" (well as much as you can). My hubby hates to be treated as though he's different because he has cancer and we try to ignore it as much as possible!

It's important to remember that your hubby might not suffer all, or any, of the same effects as any of the stories you read. In the 29 months since my hubby got his diagnosis (also stage 3 inoperable) the one thing I've learnt is that the disease is as individual as the person. One person has abdominal pain, another doesn't etc.

No, you can't prepare yourself...not only because it involves imagining yourself in an untenable situation but because you don't know what's around the corner. I was always a "planner" but this disease has taught me to take each day and make the most of it because now I can't plan.

Sending thoughts your way and I hope you post again soon and let us know how you and hubby are.

Kind regards

Nicki

[Ellie]

Hi Mints

I, too, am so very sorry to read about your husband. I have been there and lost my own husband 7 weeks ago. He was given 6-12 months and lived another 2 years, so please don't give up. I know the whole thing is a total shock and a nightmare and it is much easier said than done, but cherish every day you have together. You will find a hidden strength to help you cope with things. Life is just so utterly unfair, isn't it?

All I can say is that we are here, on this forum, to try and offer support for when you are struggling with it all. Someone will be here with a kind word of support, so do keep in touch. My heart goes out to you.

Love

Ellie

xx

[mints]

Thank you to both Nicki and Ellie,

Your replies have made me feel a bit more positive about his life span, it's such a difficult one to judge.

I find myself feeeling so angry at this disease, not just at cancer, but this particular cancer.The statistics are so low

[mints]

I am almost lost for words this morning.

My hubby sleeps more than he is awake, even if he does get up for a couple of hours, he nods in the chair.

I watch his breathing, to me it's irregular.

He keeps appologising for his confusion when he asks what day it is or when did so and so visit, I just say"don't worry ask away"

His mc millan nurse comes for a regular visit tomorrow ( his 51st birthday)

I expect she'll confirm whats in my head and in my heart...

[LizzyD]

I am so sad and sorry to hear of your husband's plight. Last October my husband was given 6-8 months to live. He refused chemotherapy as the extension was only 10-12 months with the chemo. He has prostate cancer as well as PC and the prostate cancer has spread to his bladder and bones. We are now in month 9 and he is still getting along reasonably. Don't despair. No-one can tell you how long your loved one has. My mantra is 'one day at a time'. I just deal with crises as they come along and try to enjoy the time we have left together. Love a lot;talk a lot and enjoy the good days.

Love Lizzy.

[lynbo]

Hi,

I agree with Lizzy, my husband slept a lot, so they reduced some of his tablets, they also caused him to hallucinate, just take a day at a time, we really shouldn't have to be in these awful positions to love, talk, and treat everyday a blessing xxx

[Nardobd]

Hi Mints

Lizzy and Lynbo are right, sometimes the meds have more side-effects than others. The difficulty is in getting the balance right.

Everytime I watch Ted sleep I'm sure he's about to 'pop his clogs' any minute...He intends to keep proving me wrong!

I hope the Macmillan nurse's opinion is much more optimistic than what you seem to think. Let us know either way.

Love

Nicki

[mints]

Thank you for everyone your kind thoughts and wishes.

I was having a bit of a bad day the other day,crying quite a bit.

You try to stay strong for so long then something goes wrong and suddenly everything is wrong.

I went to collect his meds from the pharmacy,once again, they didn't have all of them,not the end of the world ,but...

We had just increased his pain relief so that could be why he is so sleepy.

His macmillan nurse said she or the district nurses would flag up when they feel things are getting worse.

At the same time they were talking about"being prepared"with equiptment in place,do not resus,and morphine injections with pump.

I'm looking forward to going out with a friend this afternoon for a "posh coffee" and a chat, I suspect I'll be doing all the talking,but any outlet we have helps.

Thank you all.

[mints]

My husband collapsed and died early yesterday evening.

The tumour was quite close to a main artery, so maybe something ruptured, don't know!

I popped out to the shops, was gone for half an hour, came back to find him collapsed on the floor, called the paramedics, but it was already too late

I am struggleing with the fact he was alone, in my head we were trying to prepare for a gradual deteriation, although it was explained to us this could also happen.

I've called a few of his freinds and heard grown men cry, he was so loved by so many people.

Any advice on how to get through this please,it just hurts so much...

[ali]

Hello

i am so sorry for you but your darling husband is no longer suffering.

i have just posted to Endee and was browsing the boards when i read of your distress.

you have done all you could recently and he knew that

thinking of you at this awful time

Helen xx

[LizzyD]

I am so sorry to hear that your husband has died so suddenly. I can only imagine how shocked and devastated you and your family must be. Please don't dwell on the fact that you were out when he collapsed. We can't stay with our loved ones 24 hours a day and there is probably little you could have done had you been in. The suffering this disease causes is very severe and in some cases over a very long time, so maybe it is better that your loved one is not suffering any longer. God bless and comfort you over this very distressing time,

Much love from Lizzy.

[lynbo]

Mints

My thoughts and prayers are with you my lovely, I know it probably won't make you feel better but I always question myself on what happened the day Andy passed, and there is no answer, you done everything you could and more.

Xxxxxx

[Nardobd]

Oh Mints....I wish I could be there in person to give you a hug. I'm so very sorry.

You have to take comfort in the fact that you did everything you could. None of us have the luxury of making decisions in hindsight. Much love to you my friend - I'm sending thoughts of comfort and strength your way.

Love

Nicki xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Mints,

I am very sorry to hear about your husbands sudden death. On behalf of the charity, please accept our condolences at this difficult time.

In terms of coping, then your GP may be able to offer you some bereavement counselling when the time is right for you, of course.

In the meantime, the support service is available and may be of some help to you. Can be contacted by emailing support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

[ali]

Hi Jeni

can relatives use this service --i/we lost our mum 6/52 ago and are struggling to come to terms with it all--such short time from diagnosis to actually sleeping away.

Not sure if you read all posts or any but i have posted a few since prob. end june

Thanks

Helen xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Helen,

Yes, of course you can use the service.

If you would like to drop me an email with your phone number to the email address above, then we can have a chat.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

[ali]

Hi Jeni

Thanks i might do ,just back to work today

Thanks

Helen

[mints]

Thank you everyone for all your comments.

It really helps to vent feelings on a website where people know what your going through, or feeling.

The days leading upto the funeral (on monday 1st aug)were busy. My son was absolutely brilliant, helping me with all the arrangements

unfortunately he knew what to do,he lost his 3 year old daughter(my granddaughter) to lukeamea 7 years ago.

Whilst everyone is telling me what a wonderful man my husband was,and stating that he was far too young(51) it brings some comfort.

As life goes back to normal for eveyone else, my grieveing starts, I feel a bit lost at the moment, and I know it will take time, but I wish I could click my fingers and feel better.

Back to work next week, being busy seems to help me at the moment.

I know it's earlydays, but at some stage I feel I will have to get involved in something regarding raising the profile of this dreadful cancer.

Right now, I'm on the mend.

[Nardobd]

Mints I wish there was some way to ease the pain. In time it becomes less raw. You know that you did everything you could for your husband and the most important thing he had was the support of a loving and beloved wife. Wherever you go a little piece of him goes there with you because you'll keep him in your heart.

Love

Nicki x

[lynbo]

Mints

Thinking of you, sending love and prayers

Lynbo xx

[laura]

dear mints,, been following your so very short story, am so sorry to hear your hubby lost his fight, thinking of you at this time

love n hugs laura xx

[deb68]

Dear Mints

I haven't been on the site for some time but was a regular user whilst my daughter was ill last year - I lost her at 27 years old to pc and we have just commemorated her first anniversary. I just wanted to let you know that after reading your posts my heart went out to you and I wanted to say how very sorry I am.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

With love

Debbie.x