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just a bit of a scream


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Hello to everyone and heartfelt sympathy to Mark on the loss of his partner recently.

I have no specifc reason for coming on today other than to silently have a scream at what this disease is doing to my beautiful daughter. Gemma is holding her own but it is so heartbreaking to watch her slowly fading away each day - and even more frustrating that NO treatment at all can be considered as by the time the diagnosis was confirmed she was just too weak. What really gets to me is that if they had performed the surgical biopsy last year when the troubles first occured, she would have been strong enough to have surgery and maybe chemo and then would have had a higher survival chance. I feel so strongly that more is not being done to detect this cancer early and that even though it is extremely rare that someone so young can get it, perhaps if they ruled out the worst case scenario first and worked backwards when diagnosing, they would find these things earlier. Instead we had to go through all the most likely more minor scenarios - ie gallstones, gastritis etc first before they would consider it might be a tumour. All this despite me asking on more than one occasion if there was any possibilty it might be cancer!

I am sorry that I am ranting a bit but have five minutes at my pc while Gem is still sleeping before I have to give her the morning medication and am soooo fed up with feeling hopeless and helpless. As a mum I am programmed to make things better for my children but I can't make Gemma better and it is tearing me apart.

Gemma is a beautiful young lady with a real gentle tranquility about her and she is so calm and inspiring - our Macmillan nurse said she was quite humbled by her! It just seems to be me who is ranting and raving!!

Wishing everyone on this site all the best luck in the world - I don't post very often but will often look at the site for mutual support and comfort and it never fails to provide that. With love to everyone affected by pc.


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Hi Debbie

I think that all carers are programmed to look after our children, spouse, parents etc and the frustration because we percieve that we're not achieving anything is immense (I had a rant on the carers' section of the forum recently myself). Sometimes, no matter how much we do, it doesn't feel like enough! What we are achieving, of course, is letting our loved ones know that we are there for them, love them and will fight all the way with them. Personally, I'd willingly swap places with Ted if I could and I'm sure you feel the same about Gemma.

So, just to say you're not alone.

Lots of love and hugs

Nicki xxx

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