Trauma

[rhi]

How do people deal with the trauma this disease brings?

The things I’m experiencing and seen no person should have to go through. 
Why don’t people tell you about the risk of strokes with pancreatic cancer? 
I am completely and utterly traumatised and it’s not even finished yet!!!!! 

[broju]

I don’t know, rhi!! It just goes on and on. 
You probably won’t get any replies to your post as it’s hard to write when you can’t offer a positive answer.

But there are many of us out here who understand just what you’re experiencing now and will in the future so feel free to express yourself. We will all understand.

Take care.

 

 

 

[Thesea]

Think I'm traumatised too.  The ins & outs of that seem too complicated & personal to explain.  Cared for my ex-partner, erstwhile friend at the end of his life.  Thanks to help and advice from the hospice his symptoms / pain were fairly well-controlled in the last few weeks in my opinion but it's a cruel disease for sure.  Nobody wants to talk about it now.  Not even our children who loved him dearly.  It's hard to talk about terminal illness in a straightforward way perhaps.  There's the physical side, the emotional side, the practicalities, the relationships between people.  An awful lot of trauma in a relatively short space of time in which you learn a lot but never, it seems, quite enough.

Can you bring yourself to write a little more?    

[rhi]

Thanks to you both for responding. My beautiful Mum passed away on the 28th March. 1 day short of 11 weeks from her diagnoses. The last week was horrific. She suffered a stroke, her second in as many weeks. They said the best thing to do was make her comfortable and I just don’t think she was, definitely not at first.  We were never advised of the risk of strokes or, what it would have meant when they said they could make her comfortable. It was just horrific. They could have prepared us by having frank discussions but they didn’t. I suppose im just looking for an outlet. The reality hasn’t set in. It’s beginning to. I can’t begin to comprehend life without her but I have to. I just can’t believe she’s gone. It’s like I can and I can’t at the same time. I know it’s happened it’s just so unbelievable. I suppose I don’t know how to feel or who to talk to. I’m sick of crying. It’s just so heartbreaking for everyone: so bloody unfair. Everything just happened so fast. I’m so sorry you both had to go through this awful disease. It’s the worst.

[Thesea]

While I'm not sure if it is possible to really 'come to terms' with someone we love having a terminal disease, 11 weeks really sounds too short a period of time in which to even start doing that.  

The Hospice offered me counselling.  I haven't taken up the offer as yet but am keeping it in mind.  Do you think that might possibly help you a bit?

[rhi]

She had only engaged briefly with the hospice with nurses at home. It’s not something they’ve been in touch to offer and I’m not inclined to reach out to them either. Thank you again though. I suppose having an area to vent helps in a way. I think.

 

[Thesea]

I actually think even just responding to a few posts has helped me in some way.  If so, that's very surprising.  I can only think that perhaps it is really hard to talk about pancreatic cancer at all ... perhaps a lot of us bottle things up even more than we otherwise might.

[rhi]

I agree. Having an area where there is anonymity with people who have had similar experiences helps. I think. I know I’ll try and sleep tonight after having a good scroll around to see if anyone else out there feels the same way in some way. Hope you’re doing ok out there. I’ve had a pretty rotten day and need to spend some time repairing the eye bags I can’t seem to shake off. A small but daily reminder of the loss I’m feeling. 

[Pbasi]

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in October 2023. We were utterly shocked and devastated. Tried everything, but we knew what’s going to happen. We lost her few days ago and I am unable to accept the truth that I m never going to see her again. I just can’t believe this. She was a yoga instructor, healthiest person you could think of. Except two years ago she started loosing weight and her blood sugars were high. She started meds for diabetes but never had an abdominal ultrasound. I am in a hell of guilt, regrets of not doing enough for her, I wish it was caught little bit earlier, it might have given her few more months/years. She was only 54. I miss her so much. She  used to call me every day to talk but that phone doesn’t ring with her name anymore. I just don’t know how to accept the truth that she is not here anymore. I just can’t. During her regular chemo appointment she got high fever followed by a lung infection, it got worse quickly and she was put on ventilator. She had a cardiac arrest while on ventilator. This is not how it was supposed to work, but we couldn’t do anything. I am not ready to be a grown up without my mom. 

[Thesea]

So very sorry to hear of your loss Pbasi.  

Guilt must surely be a very common feeling.  I feel I didn't comfort & communicate with my relative quite in the way I should have when he was dying.  But I didn't know how quickly it would happen, didn't know if I'd be up all night ... two nights, maybe three ... in my mind I was pacing myself and probably truth is I was like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Do those who are at the end of their life really worry about thes 'little things though?'  To know you're loved is a massive thing, surely.  Maybe the details are not as important to them as we might think.  Does rather sound like your Mum must have known that you loved, admired & respected her. 

[rhi]

Me neither Pbasi, I know how you feel

[Janecav]

Rhi

I didn't think anyone understood how i currently feel but reading your post you have echoed exactly how I feel:- you said "The reality hasn’t set in. It’s beginning to. I can’t begin to comprehend life without her but I have to. I just can’t believe she’s gone. It’s like I can and I can’t at the same time. I know it’s happened it’s just so unbelievable. I suppose I don’t know how to feel or who to talk to. I’m sick of crying. It’s just so heartbreaking ".

 

I lost my Husband to PC and again over 11 weeks.I too am struggling to process all of this nightmare.But you've made me feel my emotions are valid and I'm not going crazy.So Thank you for posting this.

[broju]

Janecav

 

This site is good for venting as you can be assured those reading will understand exactly how you are feeling. It’s just hard to respond as encouragement is so hard to give in this world of PC. 
Rest assured you are not going crazy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[rhi]

On 8/12/2024 at 11:18 PM, Janecav said:

Rhi

I didn't think anyone understood how i currently feel but reading your post you have echoed exactly how I feel:- you said "The reality hasn’t set in. It’s beginning to. I can’t begin to comprehend life without her but I have to. I just can’t believe she’s gone. It’s like I can and I can’t at the same time. I know it’s happened it’s just so unbelievable. I suppose I don’t know how to feel or who to talk to. I’m sick of crying. It’s just so heartbreaking ".

 

I lost my Husband to PC and again over 11 weeks.I too am struggling to process all of this nightmare.But you've made me feel my emotions are valid and I'm not going crazy.So Thank you for posting this.

@Janecav

 

Thank you. I’m glad it brought you some comfort. Your feelings are absolutely valid. 
 

It’s been almost 5 months and the feelings of not believing this has happened are still there and I like I said before, I know it’s happened. I suppose it doesn’t punch me in the stomach every time now though.

 

I’ve sought and been engaging with counselling, it’s helped. I think, if you can find and source some. Having a safe space to air your feelings must be good for you.. ?

 

Try Cruse/ McMillan.

Take care, I understand
 

[rhi]

@Janecav how are you?

I often come back here to see how others are. It’s been nearly 6 months. I still feel like my heart is being gripped by an iron grip every time I think of my Mum. I still feel that stomach punch when I think of her.  
.I hope you’re keeping well and good? We just need to keep looking forward no matter how dark and lonely it can be.

a wee bit of hope everyday for a better one than the last

[rhi]

On 3/27/2024 at 7:52 AM, broju said:

understand.