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Anxiety overwhelming 1 and 1.5 years later


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Hello all. I haven’t been on here in a while.

My story is that 1.5 years ago I lost my wonderful mum to pc after a 5 year battle and 5 months later we lost my dad to the same deadly disease only 2 weeks after being diagnosed with PC.

I’ve really just been surviving.

The last 6 years have really just been about surviving and prior to my mums death I never allowed myself to think of the inevitable, I tried to just stay in the now.

People tell me how strong I am and how they couldn’t do it etc but as we all know here you don’t get a choice.i fed like the duck that is pleasantly swimming on the surface of the water but absolutely struggling beneath.

I’m so overcome with anxiety these days. I’m often thinking what else could happen. My 6 yr old dgt has a health condition that increases the likelihood of health problems so my fears are not completely unreal.

Recently I realised an error at work since around the time of my mums death. An admin error related to leave- I don’t owe leave or anything but haven’t been recording it as I should. I’ve beem in an absolutely spin since. I believe I experienced the first panic attack of my life on Thursday evening. Terrifying but I knew it was anxiety and not heart etc.

I have 2 bosses as such. I can’t seem to make a plan on how to tell them and admit such a big mistake/ feeling like a failure. After all everything everyone here goes through it seems ridiculous. If I had been in a better place when o realised this I would handle it better but was already going through a rough patch and this has really tipped me over.

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Hi, So sorry that you have had such a difficult time and that things are still tough for you.

Did you have any involvement with a hospice? Maybe they may be able to offer you some support or bereavement counselling? You have been through a lot without time to pause.

I work in HR so thought I might be able to help with the work issue.

You say you don't owe any leave or anything, so it shouldn't big deal to the company. It was a genuine mistake made at a very difficult time and they should understand that. It's not all your fault - they should be monitoring leave too.

What are the implications - have you used more leave than you thought? How will your mistake impact on you? Whilst this feels like a big deal to you right now, I'm sure it can be resolved.

If you can tell me more I can try and help.

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PCUK Nurse Jeni

Hello Staystrong,

Thank you for your honest post.

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time of late, and that you are struggling with anxiety. You have been through quite a lot in relation to pancreatic cancer, and must have been a devastating blow to lose both your parents to this disease, so close to one another.

Have you been to see your gp to outline how you feel at all? if not, then it would be recommended that you do - you may be able to be referred for some help in relation to the anxiety.

Its so nice of St.Pancreas to offer her advice about the HR issue - and very fortuitous that she works in the field. I tend to agree with her - often things appear worse that they are when you are feeling low and anxious. Most of the time, as St.Pancreas said, folk are reasonable and will recognise it was a genuine mistake, made in times of high stress. Try not to worry about it but just go to your bosses and talk to them about what you have discovered. Often, these things are much better once they are out in the open, and a plan formulated as to what to do going forward.

I hope it works out well for you.

You are welcome to email us should you need further help.

Kind regards,


Jeni Jones

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse

Support Team

Pancreatic Cancer UK

email: nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

support line: 0808 801 0707

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