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Just needed some guidance really


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My dad is been told he’s terminally ill when pancreatic cancer he has is also in the liver and in surrounding lymph nodes of pancreas he was diagnosed in June 15 4 days after my sister turning 18 had a stent put in due to itching and jaundice he’s had the whipped prodceedure done sept 15 gemcitbine in Oct 15 finished in may16 he then had Folfirinox in may 17 completed in nov 18 he then had chemoraidiotherapy feb 18 finished March 18 then he had second line chemotherapy in aug 18 he had 4 cycles of it to be told it’s not working in December 18 he’s under guys cancer centre for all this he also had to time with blood clots in the kidney which he still has injections which I do every night and now there’s nothing else and are seeing if XX can help with some trail if he gets one as he couldn’t on two previous so what I’m trying to get is what else is there as I feel he’s a Guinea pig as they really don’t know what to do with him and passing him to someone else he seems to think he’s going to get better and other days he’s dying he’s still doing 3days a week at work but that’s now a struggle to do I tried to be tackful in asking was there anything he wanted to do and he got angry by saying I’m not dying anytime soon he doesn’t want to go on holiday as I felt he could do with a break I’m only 28 myslef and have 3 young children 9 2 and my sister 21 and just avoids it all and seeing him once in a blue moon but I get it me and my dad don’t have the best relationship and he’s no longer with our mum as that was a domestic violence situation he lives with us my son 9 has therapy due to not knowing what’s going to happen to his grandad and feels angry as to why his grandad has to go to heaven I just needed to vent it out as it’s just boiling up inside me and I don’t what’s best in Deeling with his mood and it’s only me helping my dad we have no one else he didn’t like the care he got with district nurses and I want to do it all as he’s my dad and I’m not ready to let go as yet

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am not sure that anyone can really guide you. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job supporting your dad and your children, through what is an unbelievably difficult situation. It sounds like you are doing the lions share of the supporting and that must be hard too. I hope that it doesn't come between you and your siblings. Someone once said to me when you look back on this time how would you like to think of yourself. What values and qualities? Patience, strength, compassion, maybe just try to hold onto those qualities that it sounds you are already showing. Let these qualities/values guide you and make sure you get support for yourself. Your Dads erratic emotional responses must also be really hard to bear but are probably completely normal and to be expected but I know that this must be hard for you. I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. I hope we all beat it. xxx

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