Time

[Michaela1]

So sorry for your loss fairy. I doubt I will be any consolation to you knowing that there is no more physical pain anymore! I know you will be going through huge emotional pain, but please try and take some comfort from your mum's relief from her pain. Again so sorry for your loss, I know I will face the same pain as your mum one day, but I hope I have the support from my partner as you gave your mum.x

[PCUK Nurse Rachel R]

Dear Fairy

I am so sorry to hear your sad news that you lost your lovely Mum. Please do accept our sincere sympathy at such a difficult time.

We are here if ever if you wish to talk or even just to listen.

You did everything you could for Mum, I'm sure she would be incredibly proud of you.

Thinking of you,

Rachel

Rachel Richardson

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse

Support Team

Pancreatic Cancer UK

email: nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

support line: 0808 801 0707

[Veema]

So sorry for your loss Fairy. Please do take some comfort that your lovely Mum is now free from pain and suffering and know that you did your absolute best for her. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do...watch someone suffering and feel totally useless...so your feelings are understandable.

Much love and strength as you face the next steps.

Vx

[Fairy]

Michaela1 wrote:

> So sorry for your loss fairy. I doubt I will be any consolation to you

> knowing that there is no more physical pain anymore! I know you will be

> going through huge emotional pain, but please try and take some comfort

> from your mum's relief from her pain. Again so sorry for your loss, I know

> I will face the same pain as your mum one day, but I hope I have the

> support from my partner as you gave your mum.x

Dear Michaela,

Thank you for responding, your kind words mean a lot. I really hope I haven’t upset you or made you scared of what lies ahead, that was not my intention. I just feel (amongst other things) frustrated that this hideous disease has taken another life and not enough money is being fed into the system to research it. You are in my thoughts, warmest wishes, please look after yourself love fairy xXx

[Michaela1]

Hi Fairy,

No it is ok, you have not scared me, only this God awful disease does that! I wouldn't say I am scared, although moments of dread do go through your mind when you read others experiences. However equally so the words of stories also bring you comfort and hope.

You were a star for your mum, and above all I wanted you to realise that as it was very much coming across that you felt you were not doing enough, whereas in reality you were doing more than anyone could have!

My wife and I are struggling with the decision that when my time comes would I be better of dying at home or in the hospice. I don't want to be a burden or be in too much pain so favour the hospice for my wife's sanity.....she however wants to look after me at home,and for me to be around familiar things and the comfort of my own home. So you see other people's experiences such as your own helps!

[Fairy]

Michaela1 wrote:

> Hi Fairy,

> No it is ok, you have not scared me, only this God awful disease does that!

> I wouldn't say I am scared, although moments of dread do go through your

> mind when you read others experiences. However equally so the words of

> stories also bring you comfort and hope.

> You were a star for your mum, and above all I wanted you to realise that as

> it was very much coming across that you felt you were not doing enough,

> whereas in reality you were doing more than anyone could have!

> My wife and I are struggling with the decision that when my time comes

> would I be better of dying at home or in the hospice. I don't want to be a

> burden or be in too much pain so favour the hospice for my wife's

> sanity.....she however wants to look after me at home,and for me to be

> around familiar things and the comfort of my own home. So you see other

> people's experiences such as your own helps!

Hello again,

Thank you.

I feel humbled that you are offering me comfort in the face of your own struggle. I’m sure I sound slightly pathetic.

It is so hard to put into words everything that I am feeling.

I can see both sides and it has to be what’s right for you, the individual, whilst the hospice can offer immediate pain relief or offer advice when a challenge arrives I suppose you have to consider the familiarity of home, the sounds and smells, privacy. That’s what mum wanted. I just found it distressing waiting for nurses/hospice to arrive when mum was in pain, two hours one night....felt like forever. Please don’t misunderstand me, our district nurses were amazing and looked after my mum and loved her, I know that, and the hospice at home staff, they’re in a league of their own, I can never repay their kindness, they were so gentle and loving, respectful,. At one point I wanted to tell them they couldn’t leave I felt so comforted by their presence.

I’m really grateful that you have given your time to speak with me, I hope that you and your wife take strength from each other, she sounds like a special lady. Sending you love and strength for the challenges ahead, Fairy xXx