Positive thinking

[WifeampMum]

A recent post on another thread has set me thinking, not for the first time, about living with cancer and positive thinking.

When my husband was first diagnosed I would get quietly annoyed when people told us how important it was to remain positive. Because by implication it means that if the disease gets the better of you, it might be because you haven't done enough positive thinking and so to some extent, you're to blame.

And I'm not aware of any scientific evidence that proves positive thinking improves cancer outcomes. If there was, I'd encourage my husband to enrol in a positivity course tomorrow!

Of course I'm not suggesting that positive thinking is a bad thing. If you're good at it, you'll most likely find it easier to cope with the disease. But I believe that pancreatic cancer outcomes are down to biology and medical treatment, not attitude. And if you're a cancer patient and you're not able to feel positive, it's completely understandable and it's nothing to feel worried or guilty about.

[boa]

Similarly, I do not like the term 'fighting cancer' because that implies if it gets the better of you that you have not fought hard enough whereas as you say the outcomes are down to biology and medical treatment.

[J_T]

Absolutely and utterly agree Wife&Mum, couldn't have put it better myself.

[Sones]

Thank you so much for posting this. I can remember when I was having chemo and crying constantly thinking I can't do this I have to be positive or the cancer will win. Unfortunately I still cried daily.....still do (although not daily ) 4 years 4months later I I'm still here. The other Pet hate of mine is "on this journey" . Take care all of you out there, always think about you, read daily but post very little. Sue.x

[Ruthus]

I agree, it is unbelievably difficult living/coping with this illness. Trying to keep positive is very difficult and although I try and keep hopeful I find my emotions are a roller coaster. Living with the uncertainty is so difficult. I am also finding the steroids I take for 5 days after chemo are creating really bad mood swings. I felt full of energy the day after chemo this week but have been having crying episodes for the past two days.

[Proud Wife]

My sincerest apologies if I have offended or hurt or any fellow member feel any with my own comments on positive thinking. I totally agree there is no scientific evidence whatsoever and yes you are absolutely right that in there is nothing whatsoever to feel worried or guilty about if you are not able to be positive. xxx

[Sones]

Awe proud wife I'm sure no one has felt offended by any comments you or anyone else has made. Its so easy for us all to say this is what to do and what to feel etc but were all different in so many ways. I'm an absolute reck who tends to cry at anything and everything these days. I know what it's like to be diagnosed with PC but I don't know what it's like to be told the love of my life has PC. Don't apologise you don't have nothing to apologise for, you sound one amazing lady. Sue.x

[Ruthus]

I am sure you haven't offended anyone PW. I personally love to hear the positive stories surrounding this illness, as it gives hope. It is very difficult to have positivity or reassurance with this cancer so when there are positive outcomes it's so encouraging!

Ruth xx

[WifeampMum]

Well put Sue and Ruth!

Proud Wife, your comments were made with the kindest of intentions and everything that you say in your posts leads me to think that you are the most wonderful support for your husband. I'm sure if he were to post here he'd call himself 'Proud Husband.'

xx

[Sueoliver]

I think people deal with this in different ways. My Mum was positive throughout her journey and lived for 19 months not having treatment for a year. She managed to get to her granddaughters wedding through will and determination. My Mum fought PC with hope and dignity. I don't think anyone offends anyone on here we all speak from the heart and support each other. PC is an incredibly hard journey for everyone patients and carers and we all need to deal with it in the best way we possibly can.

Love to everyone,

Sue xxx

[Proud Wife]

Oh my goodness, you lot have had me bawling now with your lovely, lovely comments and kind words. Thank you!! I would be absolutely mortified if I'd upset or offended anybody in any way shape or form.

On the same tack, I don't know if any other carers out there have the same problem, but I am constantly worried about what to say and how to say it for fear of offending or it coming out the wrong way. Especially with hubby. And that's in relation to every day life and the future.

As many of you have pointed out, its so difficult to plan for the future because you just don't know what the future holds. We have various practical decisions that we need to make now because of the PC but I find it so hard to discuss those options without pointing out the obvious and that just doesn't bear thinking about. That's the context in which I use for positive thinking....or is it better described as hoping and praying? Who knows!

xxxx

[Proud Wife]

Oh and most importantly, 4 years 4 months is absolutely fantastic Sue!!!! I have read through your posts and I know you've not gone into too much detail about your own story but you've certainly given me hope!!!! It so lovely to hear things like this. May we all hear many more.xxxx