Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

[Linda G]

We are all quite amazing, aren't we! We go through this hideous process with our loved ones, every day becoming harder and more stressful. Caring for them, loving them with every fibre of our being. Just making the best of a dreadful situation. You don't feel strong do you? You feel weak and frightened all the time. Every day you think you think you can't do anymore - but you just do! Our love for them gives us the strength we need.

PW keep on sharing those kisses.

Marmalade, thanks for your kind words. Hope Louis is comfortable.

Love and strength to you all.

Linda G

XXX

[Judith16]

Been following your story from the beginning and feel it was time I posted mine and my hubbies story. I have been in bits this afternoon. Hubby so worn out and tired, not appetite. He has just spent 14 days in hospital with septicaemia, lost another 12lbs. Coughing dreadfully. Yes Linda G, I am scared and I don't know how I can carry on anymore, but I will, with a smile on my face but at the moment I just cant smile only tears. My heart goes out to all who is travelling this journey. Much love and hugs to all x

[Proud Wife]

Hello judith. So sorry to hear your also going through the same. Would love to hear your hubby's story so when you are ready, why not start your own thread, you will get the most amazing support from people who really really care and understand.

I am mentally and physically exhausted today. Hubby is staying on an oncology ward which doesn't give treatments at the weekend so have skeleton staff consisting of 1 nurse and one healthcare assistant. I get on fantastically with almost all the nurses who have been so lovely and caring but this one today is something else.

I had to beg for pain relief and something to calm hubby for over 2 hours. She then starts arguing with me in hubby's room. I asked her to keep her voice down she didn't listen. What a disgusting attitude. Even if I was wrong which I wasn't as every other nurse during the week gave medication as prescribed when asked for, as nurse in charge you handle the situation professionally.

His medical chart clearly states what can be given when hubby agitated or restless.dont know why she felt it appropriate simply to ignore this and refuse. I've had to take a video of hubby's restless state to prove medication was necessary.

horrible that one bad Apple can cause such unnecessary distress when it's hard enough watching your loved ones suffer.

[Linda G]

Hi Judith, so sorry to hear you are in this position. We all know about being scared and thinking we can't do this anymore - but you are right, we manage to do it as long as it is necessary. Through smiles and rivers of tears we keep going as long as our loved one needs us. Keep strong Judith.

Linda G

XXX

[Linda G]

PW, I am shocked to hear that! She should be ashamed of herself. Its hard enough without having to fight for what Hubby needs. It seems as if you are in a really difficult situation and not necessarily in the right ward. It seems everything grinds to a halt at weekends. Hope you have better staff tomorrow. Doe's hubby get his medications at intervals or continuously? Even before Stewart's last 2 weeks he was given his pain relief and other medication continuously via a very small needle just under his skin. It was administered via a pump so he always had a low dose on board. He was given top ups if he had any breakthrough pain, it might be worth discussing this type with the medical staff tomorrow - just a suggestion. I would say try and get some rest but I know you will only rest when hubby is settled. Hope you manage overnight and hopefully have more compassionate (professional) staff tomorrow.

xx

[boa]

PW, you certainly brought some memories back about being on oncology wards at the weekend when few staff were available and arguments with professionals. I'm sure they are doing their best in difficult situations. That's why we found the hospice so good as my husband got the pain relief he needed when he needed it. I hope it's an easier day today.

[Dandygal76]

Hey Judith, I am sorry to hear you are also going through such difficult times. I would love you to start a thread so we can be there for you like PW. It somehow feels harder to give you full support and a full response on this thread and if you start a new one we can also be there just for you and just for your situation. Sending hugs and hope we hear from you soon. x

[Proud Wife]

My amazingly brave, wonderful, colourful, vibrant, energetic and positive husband left me absolutely heartbroken at 5am this morning.

I cannot believe this has happened. I do not know how I can be without him.

Until we meet again my darling.

Your heartbroken Proudest ever Wife.

Edited June 12, 2016 by Proud Wife

[Dandygal76]

Oh my. I just typed out a huge message to you this morning and then I saw what you posted. I am so so sorry PW. I am so heartbroken for you. You did brilliant and you are amazing and he is the Proudest ever Husband - I am sure of that. x

[Paige]

Dear PW,

I am so very sorry to hear this. I am so sorry, absolutely devastating for you, you have been an incredible support to your husband and it is clear how proud you are of the way he faced his illness. I wish you strength and send love your way for the difficult times ahead.

Thinking of you,

Paige

Xx

[Guest]

PW,

So so very sorry to read this. He fought so bravely and you gave him tremendous strength.

Will email you.

Thinking of you and your son

Leila xx

[WifeampMum]

Dear PW, I am so sorry. Sincerest condolences to you and your son. Your dear hubby sounded absolutely amazing, what a terrible loss. Love W&M

[boa]

PW So sorry to read this. Sincerest condolences.

Catherine

[Guest]

Dearest PW, you have come through so much together that parting can only be agony. Your wonderful husband has been fighting a war which some may say he has lost. Not me, cancer and fear of death and pain has no power over him now. His victories are in all the wonderful things he did in his life, the kindnesses, the laughter and the love he gave and received. Victor Hugo said "the memory is the invisible presence" and so it is. The tired and wasted body may go but the spirit of the healthy and vigorous man you love lives on. I mourn with you PW as we all do and share your overwhelming sadness xx

[Guest]

Beautiful words Marmalade, just beautiful.

[Linda G]

Dearest PW, I am devastated for your loss. You cared for him brilliantly for such a long time and he fought so hard. I understand so well how you feel right now. My heart is aching and my tears flowing for you, your hubby and family, and for everyone else coping with this dreadful journey.

xxxx

Linda G

[jay]

I am so , so, sorry PW

Thinking of you

Massive hugs Jayne

xx

[Proud Wife]

Aren't they just beautiful words Leila. Such a very special message from a very special person. Marmalade, a thousand kisses to you (and every other member of my forum family). I have printed off your post for my son. It will go in a memory book that we shall make. We are up and down like yoyo's.

I understand only too well now from those on my new side of the divide that none of us ever wanted to cross, the comments about reliving the journey or parts of it. I have absolutely no regrets and the only bad memory I have is something that happened right at the end which having read up on everything that could happen at end of life, this was not something mentioned, so came as a massive frightening shock.

I am constantly playing that back in my mind. The whole "passing" happened so quickly, maybe within 5-10 minutes, I just don't know, I had no concept of time. True to form right to the end, hubby was always in a rush and couldn't wait for anything. However, this one thing made me feel sick to my stomach. I fear this will haunt me forever but only I witnessed it happen. My son came in the room immediately after (I'd got him there a few hours earlier as I just knew the end was close) we sat either side of his bed, held his hand and told him over and over again how much we loved him and how proud we were of him. All things considered, I couldn't have asked really for anything more.

I think today and when I get a chance to read back through my posts, it was clear hubby was deteriorating rapidly; we just didn't see it or didn't want to see it. The final stages of deterioration were so quick and for him, it was exactly how he would have wanted it. We literally had 8 days before he died. We did not even get around to discussing funerals because we just did not expect it to happen so soon. He would have had no idea from the day he was admitted last week that these were his final days.

The only way I am coping today is by thinking he's out at the shops. If I remind myself he died, it will be too much to bear.

I didn't want to see anyone today. I am speaking to people but my son and I just want to be on our own and cry when we want. I may come on here and just "talk" because I know you understand. If I sound like I'm rambling, ignore me. I just need to let it out.

[Guest]

There is nothing to forgive. Talk when you want to we will listen and keep all that is beautiful in our hearts M xx

[Linda G]

You need that time for yourself and your son. Even though you were expecting it, it is a massive, massive shock. Ramble as much as you like my love, rambling to your forum family is fine. Big hugs.

Linda G

XXX

[sheena]

So sorry to hear your sad news .I hope you take care of yourself and try to relax and just remember the happy times.I can't believe it's been 7 weeks since I lost my soul mate,but I try to stay happy as I know that's what Steve would want.It's going to be a difficult time for you and I have cried buckets at times.I found myself not knowing what to do as all our time was spent with our loved one.but I feel I am now coming to terms that my life has changed and I can't do anything about it .you have been a wonderful carer and I am so sorry another one of us is now heartbroken sending you love and hugs take care x

[Ant11]

Dearest PW. My heart is breaking for you all at this sad and very difficult time. You will feel like you are in a very bad dream. Having been in the same position only 12 weeks ago, the road will be tough but we are all here for you, just the same as you are always here for us. It really is hard to comprehend the quick decline of this terrible disease, one which only those that it has affected will really understand. I know for certain that we never lose the people we love. They continue to participate in every act, thought, and decision we make. Your wonderful husbands love leaves an indelible imprint in your memories. You will find comfort in knowing that your lives have been enriched by having shared his love. You must remember he has not gone he's, just gone on ahead. They say how do you spell LOVE, you don't you feel it. Hopefully you will feel all the love we are sending to you. If you would like to contact me outside of the forum, please feel free to ask the support nurses for my email. Sending you lots of love Annette xxxxxxx

[sandraW]

PW, I am so so sorry to hear you have lost your beloved husband, but it sounds as though your hubby did it his way leaving in a hurry as you say. I agree we are never prepared for the end,because we don't want them to go, we continue to hope for a miracle, that they might suddenly recover and stay with us. We all handle the grief differently, if you want to be alone, that's what's right for you, and your son, sending love and strength to you both love sandrax xx

[Dandygal76]

How are you today PW? Look after yourself and take your time with things. Didge sends her love. I know you are not on Facebook but if you ever want to we are here as well (including Didge and Sheena).... https://www.facebook.com/groups/495134694006085/

Love to you all. x

[Sueoliver]

I am so so sorry PW I am thinking of you and sending you love and strength for the times ahead. You have been wonderful and I am so sorry someone else has been left heartbroken.

Love Sue xxx