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lurking on the fringes for 10 months


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Dear Jayne, I am really sorry to hear that you have lost Jem to this awful thing and that 'the system' could have done much better in supporting you both.

Take care and thinking of you.



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Hi Jayne

I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news.

Take all the support offered. You and your daughter will get through this very difficult time.

You did a great job caring for Jem.

With love

Cathy xx

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  • 2 years later...


I am sorry if I have upset you by posting on your thread, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and Jessica xx.

Its hard to believe that its 2 years since you lost your beloved Jem, I have just been re-reading your posts and realised how much like Jem's death Trevor's was, it was obviously a massive infection, that killed them both and not so much the disease, perhaps in hindsight it was for the best, I hope you can understand what I mean.

I read on another thread that someone had asked if you still loved Jem.....people really do say the strangest things, I hope you didn't punch them.....no wonder you cried my love.

I also want to thank you, I know you don't post about how you are doing, but you pop on here and offer support to everyone else, so thank you.

I hope Jessica is doing okay its devastating to loose your dad, I was 17 when I lost mine, but she was only 9, so it must have been very hard, has she gone to high school now, I hope she is enjoying it. Please take care, sending you both a cyber ((hug)) and love sandrax xx

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Ah Sandra thank you so much for thinking of me and Jessica. She's doing really well. (I think ) She took up ice skating and its been a blessing as Ive made a new circle of friends and it got me out the house.

I gave up work (2 nd thing in Jem's manual, he knew me too well ) as I decided teaching just took too much of my time at home and wanted to be there for Jessica. I still pop into my old school as a volunteer which I love but just for a couple of hours every few weeks.

We went to Florida in the summer and stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge and on the day which would have been my silver wedding anniversary swam with the dolphins.

I think Ive finally accepted he's not coming home and over the last 2 years people have said the most amazing things but I thinks it because they really don't know what to say. One friend said "You have been so strong Jayne, if it had been my husband I would have been devastated " I bit my tongue and replied, I have a 9 year old daughter .

Massive hugs to you Sandra. Your Trevor had biliary sepsis and I remember diagnosing Jem's from your thread which amazed the hospital staff.

To everyone who is on this journey never give up hope and to those you have lost someone Jem said a week before he died "Remember the good times and not the illness."



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Dear Jayne,

I have such respect for you and your daughter. You are obviously doing a great job, making the new part of your journey happy and fulfilling for you both. Everyone in our position knows its hard picking up the threads and learning to enjoy life again. Its a complex adjustment. I don't know you or Sandra but I know something of the journey so I hope you will both accept my love and good wishes as a sister with a common bond and know that you are always loved. M xx

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Thank you Marmalade sending my love back to you, take each day at a time, a cliché I know but I remember my Doctor telling me you get up live the day and get back into bed and that's an achievement, don't think of next week or next month she was so right.


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Jayne, I've just read all this thread...it's heartening to hear that Jessica is doing well, as Phoebe is a similar age having just had her Daddy die.

Much love


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Wow... I thought I had read every story on here. Jayne, you was amazing and I am glad your lovely daughter is thriving. I am sure that is because her lovely daddy lives through her. xx

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Jayne, I find your last post wonderfully motivating. I think I would have done more than bite my tongue, when said friend made such a stupid and thoughtless comment.

Much love to you and Jessica xxx

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