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Trying to stay positive is really draining ........


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Really struggling to keep my mom upbeat and not slide into a sea of depression right now. She is one of the luckier ones who has been able to have Whipples surgery, completed on 26th June. We saw her surgeon on thursday who explained that thecancer was in 6 of the 19 lymph nodes he removed. Mom is due to start chemo in 6 weeks time, and in the meantime needs to get over the surgery. She has really swollen and painful legs which we are trying to get under control , and various other bits wrong, but every day brings a new struggle. I know that mom is wishing that she hadnt had the surgery, and just let nature take its course instead, and she is very down and emotional. I just don't know how to get her through it. To me, shes one of the fortunate ones who is being given a chance, but to her I suppose it feels different. She's 74, previously very active and independant, and now feels her life has been torn away from her. I wish I had the right words to say.

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Hi there,

So sad to hear your mum is struggling.But as you say she is one of the lucky ones.I think this is normal for her to be feeling the way she is, it's such a major operation.Keep encouraging her & day by day she will get stronger.

My mum was diagnosed on Xmas eve, then we were told in February that it was chronic pancreatitis ! Since then a CT scan showed increased inflamation , a laparoscopy was performed & we were given a confirmed diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

We are awaiting an appointment with an oncologist but I don't think chemo will help.

I understand that you are feeling drained. I am trying to remain upbeat for my mum but had to lock myself away yesterday to have a good cry.

Keep up the words of encouragement & praise.

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Hi - I can empathise with your situation. My mum is 88 and was diagnosed with inoperable pc in November last year.She was given a year.

She gets very depressed & has said she wishes she could just close her eyes and never wake up again! It's so hard to know what to say when you hear something like that. Her physical condition is deteriorating although she's not bed bound at the moment and luckily has my stepfather (who's 20 years younger) to care for her).

I live 150 miles away in West London, my mum is near Great Yarmouth & my brother is even further away, near Gloucester. Mum & I speak usually one a week on the phone but I sometimes dread ringing her (how selfish is that?!)because there are no words to say to someone who's waiting to die.

Be glad that at least you have some hope for the future and positive things seem to be happening for your mum. All you can do is give love, care & comfort.

Take care


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Hi, It is very early days for your Mum, it is very major surgery that she has just been through, and it is only 4 weeks, our surgeon told us it would be 12 weeks before Trevor, my husband, would feel better and 12 months before he would be over the operation.

Although he did make a remarkable recovery, he also suffered times when he was very down, I remember getting a bit cross with him, and telling him he had to realise just how lucky he was, but like your mum it didn't feel that way. I think its very hard for us carers we have to keep upbeat and cheerful and try to be positive, when sometimes that's the last thing we feel.

You can only do your best which I am sure you are, just keep smiling and keep up the positivity, and hope as your mum gets stronger she will feel brighter too. take care sandrax

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