Wish someone would help him

[Guest]

I feel like every day is harder than the one before. My phone is so quiet. Nobody rings me and I don't make any calls. My days off work, I'm lost. My days at work, I'm lost. Dad doesn't text me to tell me what he's having for dinner.

Everyone at work are still complaining about their menial problems, and singing to the radio. They ask me if I've had a good weekend, I say no, they say why not?!

I do not want to be at work. I do not want to leave the house.

I got my Dad's ashes back last Monday. I am comforted that I have him with me.

Not one person, apart from people who have lost on this forum, understands what I am going through. No one even tries to either.

Leila xx

[sandraW]

Glad you have got your Dad back home, Trevor is on his coffee table and he blends in with the wallpaper beautifully, I too am glad to have him back home. I have emailed you take care love sandrax

[Sueoliver]

Leila I can imagine how hard it is. I will email you.

Sue x

[jules 2015]

Hi Leila

I do not come on the forum very often these days but am really sorry to hear about your dad. He was a very brave man and you did everything you could to support him.

I lost my dad a year and a half ago and still miss him terribly. I think the sadness of losing him to this terrible disease will stay with me forever. I know what you mean about mindless people at work aswing if you've had a good weekend etc. Unfortunately they just don't understand. Christmas is one of the hardest times for me and people just don't understand when I say we got through it. life will never be the same without our lovely dads.

Take care and just take each day as it comes. I found taking up a new hobby helped in the early days. Julie x

[Bryansie]

Dear Leila,

I have joined this site for the same reason as everyone else. I lost both my parents to Bowel cancer and now my brother has pancreatic, reading your posts felt like it was me writing them, you were supportive to so many people when you were going through so much yourself.

You and your dad were wonderful positive people throughout your journey, you will find strength to get through each day for your dads memory, thankgoodness you were there for your dad, now everyone on this site is here for you.

I felt very disillusioned when my parents died due to lack of support they received, my mum died within 6 weeks of her complaining of a pain, she had no support from anyone, I had to tell her a week beofre she died that she was dying as the hospital said "they had not done all the tests on her" therefore they could not get mcmillian involved without a diagnosis. I was very angry for many years. Now I feel the same with my brother they have sent him home to die.

I hope you can get some comfort from all these posts and totally understand how you feel, when you said you went into Morrissons and everyone was smiling and carrying on life as normal and that you wanted to scream, I have lived that so many times " how dare they be happy when your heart is breaking.

Reading your posts from start to finish you are an inspiration, sending you big hugs and much much love.

Sue

[Guest]

Thank you all for your yet again lovely comments.

Life still goes on, and that is a hard saying.

I have had a lovely plaque made for my Dad's urn. I have bought a bracelet which I will be able to put some of Dad's ashes in, so I will have him with me. It hasn't arrived yet, so can't say what it is like. I have also ordered a flower for Dad for Father's Day.

It is still dreadful to read on here, all the misdiagnosis still happening. Why is it happening??

I have written to the NHS ombudsman. No reply as yet. I will post the reply if I get one, and if I'm allowed.

Leila xx

[jay]

Sending you a massive hug Leila

love Jayne

xxx

Put some flowers on Jems grave today and my dads, cant face going on fathers day, I hope they don't mind

x

[Guest]

They would understand Jayne. Just knowing you were there would be all that mattered. They wouldnt expect you to go Sunday.

Leila xx

[Guest]

Dear Dad,

A year ago today, you were taken from my life. It is a hard day, but every day is hard. There is not one hour when I am not thinking of you. I know the pain will never stop, but I am just hoping that one day I will think of you, without thinking of what you were going through.

You really were so brave. I know you don't think you were, but you Dad you have no idea. I know you got upset and angry at times, and why shouldn't you, no one deserves what happened to you.

I know you suffered with severe diarrhoea, constantly, and they could never stop it, therefore you were housebound, but you made the most of that. You would have a roast dinner every day, not a big deal you would say, but it was. You even did that until the Sunday before you were admitted to hospital. You never lost your appetite. You would still bet on the horses ( hope you don't mind that I lost you £15 on the Grand National this year).

I hope you know that I did everything I possibly could for you, I was always on the phone to the Oncologist, or someone, always searching online for something to help you. Always by your side in hospital, to speak for you, to care for you and to love you.

As you know I have a new job, and it is ok. I am trying to better with money, and that seems to be going well too. I hope you like your flowers, I didn't get them from Google, I picked them myself. I hope your plants grow that I planted, I tried my best.

I try to visit Pat and Bill when I can, will go again in June. They are ok, and Barry is doing ok. Paul will always be Paul, but he tries his best, it is just the way he is.

I still like to come on this forum and help people where I can. I feel I have too much knowledge not to. And sometimes, it's just about not being alone.

I wasn't being hard faced Dad when you said sad things to me, or showed fear or concern, and I didn't crumble. I didn't want you to see my fears and my sadness, you would have hurt all the more. But, you've seen them now, and I'm sorry for that, I just miss you Dad.

Leila xx

[jay]

Ah Leila, massive hugs your words are beautiful.

love Jayne

xx

[Didge]

Beautiful post, Leila. Sending you lots of love, xxx

[Dandygal76]

My heart goes out to you. He was so unlucky they could not get on top of his symptoms. He would be proud of you, I have read your posts and you are amazing and you are strong. I hope it gets easier for you over time. x

[sandraW]

Thinking of you and sending you love and a hug Leila xx sandrax xx

[Proud Wife]

What a lovely, lovely, lovely post written straight from the heart.

Leila, you are so caring and always there for others, so I know that your dad will be exceptionally proud of you help others in the way that you do.

Hope you are okay xx

[Sueoliver]

Leila those words are lovely and from the heart.

Sending you love and hugs.

Sue xxx

[Linda G]

Ah Leila, that is lovely. Its like a letter you have written from your heart to your Dad. Your Dad will know how much you did for him, fought for him, and cared for and love him. He will know your pain and he will be so proud of your strength. Leila you are not "trying" to do your best, you ARE doing your best. Don't every feel sorry for your tears and sadness, a few weeks ago you told me we only felt so sad and fearful and grieving because we love them so much! You never have to apologise for loving!

Love

xxxx Linda G

[Guest]

Thank you very much for everyones kind comments.

Means very much to me.

Leila xx

[Proud Wife]

Very true Linda!

Hope you are feeling okay today Leila but it's nice that you've reactivated your dad's thread and my suggestion for what it's worth is to use it to help cope with your loss and we can return just a tiny bit of the love and care you give us xx

[Dandygal76]

Hey Leila, I think of you all the time. It scares me I will likely go through what you have. Stay strong, our dads made us strong and the best tribute is to live your life the best that you can. xx

[Linda G]

Hi Leila, thinking of you. Hope you are okay. Did your bracelet arrive yet? Just found out that the next ceremony for some of Stewart's ashes to be buried on the pitch at SAFC is in September. It seems a long way off but it might mean I will be able to attend. I don't think I could go if it was any time soon, so maybe it's a good thing.

xxx

Linda G

[shelda]

Leila, sending you massive hugs and love. Such a heartfelt touching letter to your dad, I think you are so amazing in helping all of us on here whilst dealing with the loss of your precious Dad, he would be so so proud of you. Thank you for all the support you give and in hopes we can help you too. Lots of love Shel xx

[Guest]

Thank you again for everyones lovely lovely messages, it really does mean so much, as I have so little support in 'real life '.

Linda, I got the bracelet and charm last year, quite soon after Dad passed away actually. Have you looked at the website anymore?

It sounds really nice what they are doing with some of Stewart's ashes. September gives you something to work towards, and I am sure he would love to see you smiling.

How did you find the pictures on the Tribute Wall?

Leila xx

[Linda G]

Hi Leila, I just scrolled down and down, looking at all the male tributes until I found your name and you and your Dad's pictures. I often look through the tributes although it makes me very sad to see all these lovely and loved people taken in such a horrible way. I haven't looked at the jewelry site since but I will keep it in mind. Knowing you are still here and surviving gives me some hope for myself because I know how devastated you are by your Dad's loss. Take care.

Linda G

XXX

[Guest]

Well thanks for taking the time to look. The first picture was about 10 years ago, the day before I moved to XXXX. The second was in XXXXX, I was probably 4 or 5.

It is hard to still be here, and time goes very fast amd very slow. I feel like it was yesterday, but somehow a hundred years has passed with me just standing still, if you know what I mean?

Stewart will always be in your heart, will always be in your mind. When you make new memories, he will be making them with you, in your heart. Some people can get back to daily life quickly, because it is what they need to do to grieve, others can't, and need to take it minute by minute. Any way, is the right way.

Leila xx

Xxx "please"!!!!

Edited May 3, 2016 by Anonymous

[Linda G]

I know what you mean about the time thing. It's weird sometimes. 13 days before he died it was my 61st birthday. He wrote on my birthday card (among other things ) "one day you'll smile and laugh again, and then you'll smile broader and laugh louder, because I'll be laughing with you". I don't know where he got the strength to write what he did at that time and I hope, one day, I can do as he said. In the meantime I will keep trying my best. Goodnight.

xxx