Wish someone would help him

[rsk1974]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news, you will cope and manage, it's 9 months today I lost my dad, I still think I must phone him and tell him things then realise I can't. I have days that I can't look at photos of him. Just take each day as it comes, that's all any of us can do.x

[Sueoliver]

Dear Leila I can't put into words how sorry I am . I have been thinking of you often. You have been so supportive on here and so supportive of your Dad. He would have known how much you loved and cared for him. I hope you also have some support. Think of all the Happy memories that is what he would want.

Please keep posting we are all here for you. Sending lots of love your way.

Sue x

[Didge]

Dear Leila. I have been thinking of you all week. I suspected your dad must have passed away a few days ago from your last post as it didn't seem as if he had long and I have been worried at how you would be coping. I am glad it was peaceful and that you were with him. I wish I could dull the pain for you but if you feel your dad is still around you then keep talking to him. It will help. And we are all here for you in the times ahead. Sending you lots of love, Didge xxx

[Ant11]

Dear Leila, I am so sorry to read that your lovely Dad has lost his fight against this relentless disease. I know that he will be watching over you and be by your side guiding you. Your strength and support to others has been so amazing and everyone is here for you when you need anything. You really are an amazing person and my thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad and difficult time. xx

[J_T]

so sorry to hear your very sad news. May your dear dad rest in peace.

Take care

Julia x

[EmmaR]

Oh so sad to read your post RIP Leila's dad

EmmaR xx

[belgrade]

Dear Leila,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, you both fought such a brave battle, but there is some comfort in knowing that his pain and suffering is over. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take care of yourself,

Hilary

[Bowie]

Dear Leila, I am so very sorry that your dad has gone. I don't know if unconscious people can think, but my understanding is that they can often still hear, so probably. You and your dad were so close and you've been there throughout and even in the worst situations, still managed to share your experiences to help others. You are a strong person and even though you must be devastated and in so much pain, you should be proud of yourself as well as your brave dad, for relentlessly challenging clinicians and getting him the right support.

We took a lot of comfort from your posts and your dad's gallant efforts to put on weight and control his diarrhoea, which was particularly of interest to James, as he too suffers in this way. Is there any help in your area to get support from others that have suffered the loss of loved ones? Your GP may be able to give you some contacts of local support groups.

We are thinking of you in your sorrow and sending you lots of love Fiona X

[jay]

My dear Leila,

I am so so sorry to hear about your Dad, sending you a massive hug

Hes in no more pain, and he will never ever leave your side,

love Jayne

xxx

[sandraW]

Leila, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, I know you must be absolutely devastated. I to have lost my beloved Trevor on Friday.

As the others have said you did everything possible for your Dad and you should be very proud, please take care of yourself, love sandrax xx

[Guest]

Thank you all again, for your lovely replies.

I think I am in shock at losing Dad. For the last 18 months, I have thought about losing him every day. Now I have, I don't feel like I am human, but like someone looking in. In that makes sense?

BOWIE, does James still suffer with Diarrhoea? Although it took a while for Dad to realise this was true, fillet steak really helped the diarrhoea. Yes, he would still have diarrhoea! But not until the next morning after breakfast. Do you think it is worth trying for a few days?

Leila xxx

[pollron]

So sorry to hear your sad news xx

[jay]

Leila, its only natural what you are describing, its as if you are out of your body watching a dream, sending you my love.(7 months on and I still feel like im dreaming.)

Would it be ok if you passed your address to Jeni for me so I could send you a card.

love Jayne

x

[sandraW]

Leila, that is exactly what I said, its was as though we were all taking part in a play or drama and that when it finished Trevor would recover and we would all go home and life would be just as it had been before. Now I am doing all the practical things, its somehow easier, but it hasn't really hit me yet, I don't think.

My youngest son is still staying here as he is 3 and a half hours away, my eldest has been coming over daily as he is only just over an hour, and we have today sorted the funeral or "celebration" I should say. I hope you have someone to help you with everything. take care love sandrax xx

[Guest]

Sandra,

Very very true. Weird feeling isn't it? Dad has been gone 1 week today and I still feel numb about it. People think I am coping, but I'm not. I think my mind has shut down and gone into robot mode. Dreading coming back.

Pleased you have your sons with you. There is so much to sort out. Some very very hard things to have to do. We still want to do our best don't we?

You take care too.

Leila xxx

[Sueoliver]

Hi Leila,

If it is ok with you please could I have your address to send a card? I feel like we have travelled some of this journey together and I think of you often.

Love Sue x

[Guest]

Thank you Jayne and Sue. I have emailed Jeni/Dianne my details.

I would like to do another post when I have time about Dad's funeral.

Thank you again for everyone's support, not just now, but for all the time I have been on this forum.

Leila xxx

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Dear Leila,

On behalf of all the staff at Pancreatic Cancer UK we also send our heartfelt condolences to you at this sad time. Like so many others we have shared your journey and your immense love and support of Dad, and we feel that we know him through your sharing of his journey. I also know that your wonderful 'forum family' feel very supported for all you have shared with them along their own individual journeys and appreciate your support, guidance and love to them too.

I have emailed you and the other girls who wanted contact and know you will support each other in the days ahead.

We are thinking of you with our deepest sympathy Leila, and special thoughts of Dad at peace.

Dianne, Jeni, Rachel and Chris,

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurses,

Support Team

Pancreatic Cancer UK

[Cathy]

Deal Leila

I am so so sorry to read your posts and to he pear that you have lost your lovely Dad.

You probably will be feeling very numb at the speed in the end, and what you have been through but it sounds like your Dad was at peace and you will always know that you always did absolutely everything you could have done. One day that will be a great comfort to you.

Thinking of you in the days and weeks ahead.

Take care and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it

Cathy xxx

[Guest]

Thank you for your replies.

Dads service is on Tuesday.

We are walking in to Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeplin.

I am then going to read a letter which I have just written.

The minister will then do a tribute to Dad.

Song to the Siren by Tim Buckley will then play.

There will then be a reading called Death is Nothing at all.

Then a poem called Reason.

Then the Committal.

Will then walk out to Hotel California by The Eagles.

We are then going to Dad's favourite pub where they have cordoned off the area he used to sit, and have done a buffet.

I hope my Dad is there and approves of the service. It has been so hard to do, but I have done everything how I thought Dad would want, and not how I would want.

Leila xx

[nikkis]

Hi Leila,

You have done such a fantastic job in planning a lovely service all about your dear Dad. I am sure he would approve and be so very proud of you,

Lots of love,

Nikki

[Guest]

Thank you Nikki. I have done my absolute best.

I wasn't going to post this letter until afterwards. But I will do. This is what I am reading to my Dad on Tuesday.

Dad,

I could write lots of pages with things I want to say.

I could speak to you all day, anything to stop you going.

But I can't.

So I just want to tell you, that you are the best Dad ever and I will never forget anything about you.

I will still smile at the daft things you used to say.

I can still hear you telling me all about horse racing, and getting annoyed at me when I never understood it, and I still don't.

I can hear you telling me which lagers and wines to drink, and to make sure the lager is ice cold, and to drink it straight away.

You would still even, at 36, tell me to look both ways when I cross the road, and not to talk to strangers.

I will still love you everyday.

I hope you know that I stayed with you when you were in hospital, and that I did everything I possibly could do to help you. You were never alone. I was always holding your hand.

I hope you come back from time to time, and see that I am looking after your things, as of course I would do....that I do look both ways when I cross the road.....that I don't talk to strangers, and that I do eat, and not just at your house.

I really hope you know that I love you very much, and that you are a true hero for everything you have gone through, and everything you have had to deal with. You are amazing. I am proud to be your daughter.

Until we meet again Dad.

Leila

xxx

[nikkis]

Absolutely perfect Leilax

[sandraW]

Really really beautiful Leila, and thank you for my lovely flowers, I received them on Friday, sorry I haven't replied earlier but my internet keeps going on the blink, posted on here went to send you an email and it wouldn't work so I will email you later tonight. providing we don't get any more terrible rain, at least it saved me a job and I didn't have to water the garden. (loss of Internet and rain seem related).

Hi Nikki, hope you and your girls are doing ok,

love sandrax xx

[Sueoliver]

Hi Leila,

I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Beautiful words your love shines through! Your Dad would be very proud of you. I love Hotel California.

Take care of yourself as well.

Love Sue xxx