Disgusting doctor, was this legal?

[Guest]

Bit of background first - The doctor that didn't diagnose my dad correctly, I have made a complaint about him. He wrote back me, or his secretary did, unsigned as well. I have also complained to NHS England, still waiting ti hear from them.

Today, I went to visit my dad. When I got there, he said the said doctor was coming round to see him, to talk about his wellbeing. I wasn't very pleased. My dad told me to wait in the other room. I did, but I could hear everything.

My dad told him that I wasn't coming in because I was mad with him. My dad told him he should have diagnosed him sooner, and that if it wasn't for himself ( my dad ) then he would still be going backwards and forwards to the doctors surgery. The doctor kept saying, " we have to rule other things out first, I can only send you for scans and there is long waiting lists" blah blah blah.

He then told him that towards the end, he will have a lot of pain, and then asked him if he wanted to go into a hospice. Can you believe it?

After this man left, my dad was broken. He said no one has mentioned a hospice to him before. He said he doesn't want to die next month and begged me not to let him die in a hospice. He was crying his eyes out saying he was scared of having pain, and didn't want to die in pain.

It was horrible. I have spent the entire afternoon trying to tell him that that stupid man hasn't a clue about anything. I told him that for the stage he is at, that to have no symptoms other than problems with diarrhoea, he is doing amazing.

I called my mum and told her, she called the doctors and complained, and said to never let this doctor speak to, or see my dad again, and do you know what he did? He called him. He said, " your ex wife has just called and said I upset you, why do you think I upset you"?

What is this man playing at? I don't understand what he was trying to do to my dad.

[Didge]

I hope that the support team here will give you some advice on who to complain to. It needs to go far above this man's head. As for the rubbish about long waits for scans and 'having to rule other things out first' there is a 2 week limit for referral when cancer is suspected and a good doctor will know when it is urgent to do that. I know that we are all being told how difficult PC is to diagnose but in a lot of cases the red flags have been flying for weeks or months before anything is done. At the moment I have persuaded a colleague to get her mum to have a scan of her PC as she has classic symptoms but was being fobbed off and sent home with pain killers undiagnosed. As for the long wait for scans that is also a myth as the waiting lists can be cut through if necessary. I still remember the surgeon saying in the morning that he'd like a scan done and he wanted the result by the afternoon and it was done! As for 'the end' noone knows what symptoms your dad will have. I still remember my husband asking what would happen when he was terminally ill with kidney cancer and was told that he would probably become more breathless as he had lung tumours. Well he never did as the lung tumours never progressed. I do hope your dad manages to get into a better frame of mind soon. Most people are afraid of pain but a lot can be done to manage it these days. What a horrible experience for you both.

[Guest]

Thank you Didge,

I knew if you replied, you would make me more confident to do something about this. I hope your friends mum gets the scan. I hope we don't see her here, but if we do, she will be well looked after and supported. You are so good for people. So focused and so ready to stand up to the bad GPs.

xx

[Birchen]

There does seem to be a very big problem firstly with being able to diagnose pancreatic cancer and it seems the GP's give all sorts of different illnesses a go first. My husband was prescribed anti acid tablets in April 2012 and they did not find his cancer until June 2013. The way patients are told they have a terminal illness is totally unfair. He was told when he was on his one at 9.30 am and did not tell anyone until late afternoon. The doctors did not even bother to attend a meeting they had arranged with our family on the following morning and we did not see them until about 3 pm and this was only after I broke down crying at the nurses desk. Surely, by now there should be a private room where the patient and family can be together when they are told they have a terminal illness. As regards the hospice, I can only say they were brilliant and made the last week we had with him full and memories, laughter and tears, although I appreciate that sometimes this is not everyone's choice. Lets hope he rallies round and my husband for one was not in any pain so lets hope he will be the same. Thinking of you at this terrible time and we complained about our treatment but nothing much comes of it. take care x

[sandraW]

Sorry your Dad's doctor is so lacking in any form of bedside manner, no doctor should discuss such things without some support for the patient being there. Then to have the arrogance to phone your Dad back after your Mum had rung the surgery asking that he didn't

treat your Dad any more, its unbelievable. take care and I hope your Dad feels better about all this soon, sandrax

[Blue-Eyes]

Aw how awful Hun, I don't get some of these doctors I have read more and more of this terrible bedside manner recently, why do they need to tell them all the bad stuff it's not needed at this time, everyone is different throughout there journey with PC, your dad or yourselves don't need negativity around you, you must ditch this doctor and find another, stay positive Hun and tell your dad never ever give up the fight.

Best wishes x

[Cathy]

Hi Leila

I'm so sorry to hear about this. There are ways of handling this type of conversation and clearly, for your Dad to be so upset, that wasn't handled well at all.

Firstly, It is true that PC can be painful but palliative care teams are geared up to dealing with pain relief and there are a variety of options to chose from to find the one that best suits. They are so specialist at pain relief I was told that GPs defer to their knowledge. Certainly in Jonathan's case our nurse was telling the GP what to prescribe.

Also the same nurse can put your Dads mind at rest about the hospice. Jonathan was dead set against them initially but the nurse spoke to him about their being used for respite care (to give me a break) or symptom control and go home again. It completely changed Jonathan's mind about them and he was happy to go (in fact wanted to go) as he started to feel much more poorly. Saying all that, the palliative care team can arrange for a hospital bed at home and care if that is your Dads wish (and is possible - I say that as that was Jonathan's wishes but things happened so fast he was still in the hospice when he passed away).

Hope you and your Dad are feeling a bit less stressed as the weekend has passed.

You're doing great

Cathy xxxx

[Guest]

Thank you all for replying. It means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, my dad won't let me make a further complaint, as he doesn't want any stress or upset. The doctor has told him that he wants to visit once a month. He is going to do this to him every month? I don't want him to go round ever again. I don't know what to do to make this happen without upsetting my dad.

In the complaint I originally made, I said in the letter that I never want him to see my dad again. They sent a letter of consent out for my dad to sign, and he signed it. Surely that would cover my request in the letter.

I just hate this, we shouldn't have to be dealing with this.

xx

[Didge]

This is tricky because if your dad doesn't want it taken further there might not be so much you can do. However, if he has already signed something to say he doesn't want this GP to see him any more then that should be honoured. Is there another doctor in the practice you can request, pointing out that your dad has signed a request not to be dealt with by the current one? You could also phone PALS for advice. Failing all that, perhaps you could steel yourself to talk to the GP in question, stating as calmly as you can why you object to the way he has dealt with your dad, setting out how you want him to act in the future and see if you can come to some agreement. Good luck x

[Guest]

Thank you Didge,

Think I am going to call the Office Manager. I have spoken to her before and she was quite nice to me. I just don't want it getting back to my dad that I have called, but I really cannot get this out of my head.

xx

[petra]

Fifi can I just say that when my dad passed away he had no pain whatsoever at the time or months leading up to his death, this bloke is talking nonsense, palliative care as and when it is needed is so good these days no one should die in pain, Petra x