Abraxane -our experiences so far

[Guest]

Nikki,

Sorry very sorry to read this. You were one of the first people on here to reply to my first post. There are a few people on here that I feel very close to, and really do feel like a family with and you are one of those. Funny, I never imagined Paul not being here. Feel I've known him for a long time and he was such a fighter. Like Sue said, this has reduced me to tears also.

I cannot imagine how you or your girls are possibly feeling right now. I wish I could say something to take away your pain, but I know there is nothing.

Please keep posting Niiki.

Leila xx

[MSH]

So very sorry to read of Paul's demise. He's had a hard time of things these last two years, borne bravely and with good heart.

My condolences.

Mark

[jay]

Nikki and your beautiful girls, my heart goes out to you all. You are one very special person and I feel close to you, tears are streaming down my face. I am so sorry.

Lots of love Jayne

xxxxxxxxxxx

[EmmaR]

Dear Nikki so so sorry thinking of you and your family you have been so kind and supportive to everyone on the forum so please know we are all here for you now !

Emma x

[Ant11]

Dear Nikki

So sorry to read that your wonderful loving Paul has lost his brave fight against this relentless disease. May he now be at peace with no more suffering or pain.

Your posts on this forum have helped so many people, more than you could even imagine. Even with your situation becoming more difficult and harder in the last few weeks, days you still posted help and support to your forum family. I know everyone will have found this "priceless". May you and your girls have the strength in the coming days to continue to make Paul the proudest husband and Dad. I'm sure it was the hardest thing for him to let go and leave the family he loved dearly,although you cannot see him he will always be by your side.

I think this winnie the pooh quote sums it up too......

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

Love Annettex

[Support Team]

Dear Nikki,

We are so saddened to hear the news of Paul's passing last night.

What a fighter, and such an amazing battle he fought right until the end. You have been such a support to others on here Nikki, and many have followed Paul's and your story throughout. He has done remarkably well, and I know that he had superb support from you and your 2 girls.

Needless to say Nikki, I know that I speak for all of the nurses on here, and everyone else at Pancreatic Cancer UK, in sending our sincere condolences to you and the girls at this time - you are an inspiration, and Paul was lucky to have such am amazing and loving wife by his side.

Our thoughts are with you and the 2 girls, and Paul's family at this sad time.

Kindest regards,

Jeni.

[Guest]

Nikki

I am so incredibly saddened by your loss. I have asked Jeni if I can send you something. Obviously she can't give details without your consent. If you don't want to then I understand, but I would really like to send you something. You've been amazing to me and everyone else on here.

Will leave it with you.

Please take care.

Leila xx

[Didge]

Nikki, this is the 3rd time I have tried to post but they are not appearing so just want to say how sorry I am and am thinking of you and sending you lots of love.

[Didge]

Your Paul was only 3 months ahead of my Rob in diagnosis and similar age so your journey is of special meaning to me. I do hope you find some comfort that the end seemed peaceful as I think that is also a great fear for us. xxx

[sandraW]

Dearest Nikki,

I am so very sorry to hear that you have lost your beloved Paul, but so very glad it was so peaceful.

I am at a loss to know what to say, as others have said, you have been such a wonderful support to us all on here, whilst going through your own torrid times, with this horrific disease.

I am sending you love and strength to get you through the next days, weeks months and years without your beloved husband by your side, you will miss him so desperately as will your beautiful girls.

I know its selfish but please post and let us know how you are, when you feel able.

with love from a loving member of your forum family, sandrax xx

[belgrade]

Dear Nikki,

It was a shock to read your post today and I am so sorry that Paul has lost his fight. I've followed your journey from the start and know how hard he fought this. My thoughts are with you and your girls.

Take care,

Hilary

[J_T]

Nikki, so saddened to hear that Paul has succumbed to this awful disease.

as others have said you have been selfless if offering others support and encouragement since you started posting on the forum, you and Paul sound like special people and I know you will miss him greatly.

My sincere condolences.

Julia x

[Cathy]

Dearest Nikki

I am so sorry tomhearbthat Paul has finally lost his fight. He did so well even though it sounds like he had some tough times to deal with.

You were one of the people who started posting on here around the time that I did (and a few others did) and so, even after my Jnathan died, I have been following your and Paul's story and looking out for your posts and always constantly amazed how you both coped , remained upbeat, and fought.

There will be sad times ahead but take comfort from the fact (as I am sure you will do) that you both did all you could and you clearly both adored each other. These are thoughts that helped me.

If ever you are headed towards London and fancy a coffee or something stronger (!!) and a chat the give me a shout

Take care.

Loads of love to you and the girls

Cathy xxx

[wackywacky]

Nikki I am so so sorry to read this thinking of you and your girls take care love wacky x x x

[nikkis]

Thank you all, so, so much,

I read your posts out to my youngest daughter, it was so special to share them with her, and tell her a little bit of your stories,and some of you she was pleased to recall she has heard me mentioning before.

Funnily enough it was a lovely day yesterday. As many of you know Paul and I renewed our vows last year. I rung the vicar who performed the ceremony and she came straight over. We renewed our vows in a small,very old church by the beautiful woods were Paul loved to walk the dog. It was just the four of us. It is managed by the church conservation trust, and only 6 services a year can be held at it. So I was absolutely delighted to be told that we are allowed to have Paul's service there. We also had a visit from our district nurse, bearing flowers, who had heard about Paul. She had 15 visits on her list, but decided that coming to see me first was more important, how special was that?

I know the really hard times will be after the funeral, when everything returns to "normal", but at least we will have wonderful memories to treasure. Leila, I have asked Jeni to forward you on my details, that is very lovely of you, to want to send something. Cathy, we will have that drink sometime, and it will be a strong one!

Love to all,

Nikki

[jay]

Nikki I would like to send you something too if you don't mind sending your details to Jenni to pass on. Jem never went on the forum but he often asked how Paul was doing.Can't stop thinking of you all.

Hugs Nikki

Jayne

x

[nikkis]

Bless you Jayne, of course you can, I will let Jeni knowx

[Slewis7313]

Dear Nikki, I am so very sorry to hear that Paul has succumbed to this awful illness.... You and the family must be totally devestated. It only seems like yesterday that you were our pioniers for Abraxane with the hope that it brought to us all. Your family will no doubt be a great support to you through this difficult time and the special arrangements for Paul's service sound to be a fitting tribute to a special person.

Please take care of yourself and the family, especially over the next days.

Steve

X

[Guest]

Sounds like Paul's service will be very special and very beautiful.

How are you and your girls?

Leila xx

[nikkis]

Hi Leila,

The girls and I are doing ok. I guess it helps that we have had time to prepare for this, it doesn't mean we miss him any the less, but I remember when my Dad died suddenly of a heart attack, it was just so hard to take in. I have also spent so little time with the girls over the last 8 weeks, it is good to spend time with them, even if we are very sad,

Love,

Nikki

[sandraW]

Nikki,

It sounds such a special place to have Paul's service, it will be beautiful I am sure.

It is obvious that you and Paul, are very special people too.

I too lost my Dad suddenly when I was only 17, he was then the centre of my world, as I am sure Paul was for your two girls, he has been gone now for over 50 years, but I still think of him often and always with a smile, so tell your girls that their Dad will be with them always, and be at their shoulder helping them make decisions in life. I still think, what would Dad do.

I lost my Mum 3 years ago to Old age at 96, so I understand what you mean when you said you had time to "prepare" for losing Paul, its such a strange position you don't want to loose them, but you don't want to see them in pain and distress either, you just want them to be at peace.

It is devastating to loose some one you loved so much and my heart breaks for what you are going through, and I also realise that it is something I will have to face too.

We will all be thinking of you over the next few days and sending our strength to you all, thank you for letting us know how you are doing, take care love sandrax xx

[SusannaUK]

Dear Nikki,

I've just read your post. I am so sorry to hear that Paul has passed away. I am crying now. It is such a shock. He was a great fighter and you were such a good support for him!

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

I know how you feel now, it is sad and the coming months will be hard but you've done everything you could and we sadly all knew that PC is cruel. I still can't believe that my husband is not here any more.

I wish you all the strength to go on and good memories will never fade.

All the best and I am thinking of you and the girls in this difficult time.

Love,

Susanna xxx

[Bowie]

Dear Nikki, I am so very sorry to hear of your husband's passing. I haven't posted for a while, loads of bad stuff happening and I haven't felt able to, but have come onto the site from time to time and always look for your posts. You and others have managed to provide support to me and James through your advice and words even when things are going badly for you. You are such a special person. I am thinking of you and your girls and offer my sincere condolence. Fiona X

[Cathy]

Hi Nikki

That does sound lovely and will be a special memory to cherish and will be a comfort for you I am sure in the days, weeks and months ahead.

I look forward to that strong drink! Jeni and Dianne have my details if you would like them.

Much love

Cathy xxx

[jay]

Hope you are ok Nikki

love Jayne

xx