Trevor's Story

[Sueoliver]

Dearest Sandra,

I am so sorry to read your news about your lovely Trevor. He was so brave and put up such a fight and you supported him all the way. I am so glad it was peaceful and hospices are wonderful places.

You have been so supportive to everyone on here and hopefully we can all support you if you need us. Take care of yourself. Sending lots of love.

Sue x

[Didge]

Sandra, I am so sorry to hear of Trevor's passing but glad that you were there and it was peaceful. Such heartbreaking news for you and Leila this week. I for one feel that I have lost them too, as we have followed your struggles for so long. Thinking of you always, Didge xxx

[J_T]

So sorry to hear that Trevor has succumbed to this awful, awful disease ( on 24 April? ) .

I' m sorry he didn't get the treatment he so deserved to relieve his jaundice and so sorry you had that extra worry to contend with.

May your darling husband rest in peace. Look after yourself Sandra.

Love

Julia x

Edited April 26, 2015 by J_T

[belgrade]

Dear Sandra,

I am so sorry to hear about Trevor, after such a brave fight against this awful disease. Please take care of yourself in the coming days and weeks, I will be thinking about you.

Hilary

[nikkis]

My Dearest Sandra,

I am so sorry to hear that that Trevor has lost his bravest of fights. You have been an amazing support to me and everyone else here, and I know no one could have done more for the man they loved than you. I know it is a different, and extraordinarily difficult road that you are now on, but somehow your strength and love will keep you going,

Lots of love,

Nikki

[Slewis7313]

Dear Sandra, I am so very sorry to hear of Trevor's passing. You both put up a long and sustained fight against this damned illness.... It is just so relentless and unforgiving. It has been a bad few weeks here for yourself and others, but my thoughts remain with you over the next days and weeks as you work through this difficult time.

Please take care

Love

Steve

X

[jay]

I am so, so sorry Sandra. Sending you my love.

Love Jayne

xx

[EmmaR]

Dear Sandra ,

Nothing anyone can say will change things but be assured there have many of us ladies on this forum who have walked the path you will now have to take but somehow your will find the strength to reach the end of it so walk it in your own time and way and know we are all here for you .

Take care

EmmaR xx

[Guest]

Dear Sandra,

I am very sorry I haven't posted before today. I have not had the strength. It is seeing you post, that has made me remember.

I am so incredibly sorry for you. Trevor was an amazing man. He fought so very hard. When he didn't get the care he needed, he still kept on with determination, he never lost that. I am so pleased that you were able to be with him, and hold his hand. I imagine it all feels very surreal. I know, that even though I was with my Dad, it hasn't properly hit me yet.

I will never forget you telling me, that when Trevor needed a break ( Yes, just a few minutes from yourself ) he would go down to the garden and sit in his shed. I'll never forget you telling us that. I guess all men need a shed!

Leila xxx

( would it be ok for you to pass your address to Jeni/Dianne for me please, so I can send you something? )

[Ant11]

Dearest Sandra, so sorry to read that Trevor has lost his brave fight and you have lost a wonderful man. As others have said you have always had so much time and support for others when on the same difficult journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad and difficult time. Love Annette xx

[pollron]

So sorry to hear your sad news Sandra xx

[jay]

Sandra if its ok could you pass your address to Jeni for me I would like to send you a card.

We have all battled for our loved ones for the last couple of years, im always thinking of you, I hope you are eating a little bit. (Im 7 months down the line but still cant think about it as I pretend Jems at work. My dad has been in intensive care this week, hes now battling bowel cancer )

love Jayne

xx

[RLF]

I'm so sorry Sandra you've always been there for me with kind words and wishes and I hope you get all that back ten fold from the loved ones around you of course is on here. Massive hugs from me and I'm so glad Trevor wasn't in pain. We'll always be here if you need us and hope you do still come on here

Rob

X

[Sueoliver]

Hi Sandra I hope you are coping ok and have support. If it is ok with you please could I have your address to send you a card?

Love Sue x

[Cathy]

Hi Sandra

I am so very sorry and sad to hear your very sad news. I'm glad to hear that Trevor was comfortable at the end.

As with Trevor, my partner also, towards the end was given weeks to live, in fact he had only 4 days so I understand how you must be feeling. If it is any comfort, it does get easier in time.

Take care of yourself Sandra, and make sure you ask for help if you need it.

Cathy xxx

[sandraW]

Trevor's celebration of life is all arranged, we have got a cardboard coffin and on Thursday the boys and I will go to the funeral directors to decorate it with Fragile stickers, Fragile tape, This Way Up stickers, the odd one the wrong way up (that's just a family joke) and Export stickers too. (We run a removal company to and from Mallorca in case you think we are crazy) which it is obvious we are.

Our two sons and 15 year Grandson are carrying the coffin into the Crematorium, we are going in to "Somewhere over the Rainbow" by Eva Cassidy, then "Too Hard to say Goodbye" by Westlife, then "Making your mind up" by Bucks Fizz, this has special meaning for the grandchildren, and coming out to "My Way" but by The Gypsy Kings, which is in Spanish Flamenco style, because whatever else you could say about Trevor he always did it "His Way".

Trevor didn't like pubs much, so we have got a nice more sports clubby venue, where we can play a disc of photos and our own music, so it should be a special day.

I am hoping I am able to hold it together to say a few words about our 49 years 3 months and 9 days together, our granddaughter who is 10 the following day, is adamant she is going to say something too, I hope she manages it, but that will bring the tears for everyone unfortunately. I still just feel its all a dream, and that soon he will just come home again, and everything will be as it was before he was ill, but I know really, that's not going to happen.

sending love to you all and thank you for all your kind wishes, sandrax xx

[J_T]

Sandra that sounds like it is going to be a perfect send off for Trevor. I do like it when these occasions are more of a celebration and a bit of black humour goes a long way to making the day less stressful. Your grand-daughter is brave and all power to her elbow, what a gal!

Hope everything goes smoothly and you get Trevor into chapel the 'right way up'!

Lots of love

Julia x

[sandraW]

Julia, our youngest son tried to persuade the Funeral directors, which is a family business like ours, to let them carry Trevor in upside down, but he was having none of it.

love sandrax xx

[nikkis]

Dear Sandra,

That sounds like a really wonderful send off, perfect for the very special Trevor. I would like to say it soon get easier, but of course it doesn't, but like me you have all those wonderful memories that will one day bring comfort,

Lots of love,

Nikki

[jay]

It sounds perfect Sandra.

Thinking of you all,

love Jayne

xx

[Ant11]

Dearest Sandra, It sounds just perfect for Trevor as he makes his final journey to a better place with no more pain, a place where he will continue to watch over you all. You really have been an amazing lady offering so much help and support to others, something I will never forget. I know you will be able to hold it together to say a few words on your 49 years, 3 months and 9 days, that is truly amazing. Sending you love and strength Annette xxxx

[Bowie]

Dear Sandra, I am so very sorry for your loss. 49 years, 3 months and 9 days, that's just so brilliant. We have been married 35 years, 2 weeks and 3 days and that's so much longer than any of our friends and family, so we feel lucky in that respect, despite the vicious PC. Your family sounds like they have a great sense of humour and your granddaughter is amazing for even thinking about saying anything. Thank you for all your kind words and replies, I always loved reading about Trevor and his determination to just carry on, working out in the garden, he sounds similar to James. There are no words, but I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you all our best wishes to you and your family. Fiona X

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Hi Sandra,

As you and others know we try not to 'intervene' too much in your 'forum' and be silent partners really only 'chipping in' when necessary. I had to say it sounds like a wonderful 'party in honour of Trevor' and I am sure he would be so proud that you 'did it his way'. You sound that you have an amazing family and i am sure there will be tears on the day, but so important to have them. See them as tears of happiness for all those 49 years, 3 months and 9 days and wonderful moments you have spent together.

We send you our sympathies and wish you a very precious and memorable day for Trevor's celebration of life.

Thinking of you all,

Dianne and team,

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurses

Pancreatic Cancer UK

[Guest]

Will be a beautiful service Sandra.

You will be ok to speak. As someone told me, it is harder to think about, than to actually do. That is very true.

You will do him proud, and such beautiful songs.

Leila xxx

[sandraW]

We had Trevor's celebration of life on Friday, the sun came out when we were driving to the crematorium, we had quite a few double takes from people as we drove past with the coffin covered in stickers and fragile tape, and us all dressed in bright colours.

Our 2 sons and grandson did carry the coffin into the chapel, and I managed my speech without breaking down, everyone that knew Trevor, knew how much time he spent on his mobile phone, so after checking with the celebrant we stuck a mobile to his coffin with blue tack, and at a certain place in my talk my son rang it. It rang out loud and clear, and for a few minutes people where looking round, then the penny dropped and everyone laughed, when I said "can someone get that please" and Simon ran forward and answered it.

The 2 granddaughters went next, and even though they had been crying they dried their tears walked to the front hand in hand the 10 year old went first and said her short piece, then the 6 year old announced "I loved my Grandad and he used to lick me all over like an Ice Cream", there were lots of laughter and tears, then our younger son told another funny story, before saying how much we would all miss him, and finishing with "Oh and Dad, Jason needs the code for the safe" then every one came to the front and said their goodbyes to Trevor.

It was really special and the unanimous verdict was he would have loved it all, even the older relatives said it was just perfect for him,

I can't really put into words how I feel, I didn't want to loose him, but I am so grateful if that's the right word that it was quick and that he suffered for such a short space of time, perhaps it hasn't really sunk in yet, the enormity of it all.

Thanks to Sue and Jayne for their lovely cards and to Leila, who even though she was going through her own loss, found time to send me some lovely flowers, and also for all the lovely posts, sorry I have not been around much, but if you still want me I'll try and post more now love to all sandrax xx

Edited May 10, 2015 by sandraW