A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

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Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Cathy » Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:39 pm

I totally agree with you all. There is no right or wrong way, people have different ways of coping. One reason why I love this forum is being able to "talk" to people who are in exactly the same position and who all understand. My way of coping on the whole is just muddling through trying to focus on the now and try not think about the future too much, maybe that's avoiding things... I'm not sure though I wonder how I'll even cope when he's not around but I guess I know I will somehow because I'll just have to although it's not a future that I want, in fact, it is a future I dread. I won't deny that there haven't been times when I've selfishly wished it were me instead - or like Julia said, just run away. Sometimes I look at other couples (I did this on holiday) and just think how lucky they are - that they can make plans and ancicipate (if they are lucky) a future together. We're both still young (ish) - it's NOT FAIR.

Jonathan is dealing with it really well I think. He's very brave. He's seeing a councillor now who he likes (I'm on a waiting list). He accepts his disease (which I find hard sometimes) but what upsets him the most I think is leaving me behind and he cries for me (as he says, he won't be here but I still will be and that upsets him).

He has 1 child, a son from his previous marriage who he is very very close to (they're best friends) and who it seems is on the verge of great success (in the music industry). It's a very exciting time and I just hope and pray that Jonathan can stay well enough to enjoy seeing that. That's not too much to ask is it?

Frank's wife - good luck for Wednesday. It could be that loss of muscle tone might be the cause - the fact that you are saying stooping helps - hopefully your oncologist will put your minds at rest

Cathy xx

Frank's wife
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:02 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Frank's wife » Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:05 pm

Just to update after 12 months.
I've re-read my posts and it makes me so sad. My husband lost his fight against PC on February 22nd 2014. He survived for 14 months after diagnosis. He was truly a fighter. At Christmas we noticed his stomach had bloated. We mentioned it at the hospital and it was decided to drain the fluid build up. 13 litres drained over 3 days. He had the drain removed and we carried on as normal for a couple of weeks. The fluid came back and Frank was fitted with another drain on 15th February. He had the drain until 21 February and in that time we drained 21 litres. As that last week we by it seemed as the fluid was draining so was his fight. He got very weak and stopped eating and drank very little. He looked so thin and his face was so gaunt. The drain wS removed on Friday evening of the 21st. He could hardly keep his eyes open and struggled to speak much. Not like my Frank at all. Saturday 22nd - he was in pain and felt sick. It was the first time that a district nurse was coming to see him. He had spent all day in bed and she arrived at 4 pm. Her last call of the day. Frank died 1/2 hour after she arrived. I think he was waiting for her to come so I didn't have to cope with that on my own. Always thinking of me.
He was my Hero, My Best Friend, Soul Mate, Problem Solver, Lover, My Other Half. These last 6 weeks have not been easy. I'm so lucky to have a great support network and wonderful children. Our daughter is expecting a baby on Tuesday. It's so sad that Frank will not get to hold his first grandchild. He was so close to being there. It has given me a focus and a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I try not to think to far ahead because it scares me. A widow at 50 is not what I imagined my future to be. I wish you well, each and everyone of you, who has been, and continues to be affected by this cruel disease. As my husband said "don't ever give up as a cure could just be round the corner".

Fifi

Re: My Husband

Postby Fifi » Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:49 pm

I am so sorry to read this. This disease is so cruel and it scares me every day.
Have no words to take away your pain, but my heart aches for you and your family. I hate reading these posts. I hope you can find comfort from posting here. We are all in the same boat one way or another unfortunately.

EmmaR
Posts: 197
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:06 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby EmmaR » Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:11 pm

Oh so very very sorry to read your post having been there when I lost my hubby in November last year there are no words that really give comfort at the moment but just please know your forum family are here for you .
EmmaR x

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: My Husband

Postby J_T » Fri Apr 04, 2014 9:02 pm

So sad to read about Frank. This disease is relentless, its so heartbreaking.

As one life ends a new one is ready to start, a little bit of Frank carrying on in the grandchild he never got to see.

Much love
Julia xxx
Last edited by J_T on Sat Apr 05, 2014 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Cathy » Fri Apr 04, 2014 9:34 pm

I'm so sorry to read this. So heartbreaking.

My own Jonathan died in January 13 months after diagnosis, he also got fluid build up towards the end and all of a sudden looked very poorly and deteriorated and died quickly. I think that there is comfort to be had in that neither of our partners lingered for long. I'm 50 later this year myself too and I empathise with how you are feeling.

Although it feels a lonely place to be, remember that others had tread or are treading the same path as you and know how you must be feeling.

Take care

Cathy xxx

nikkis
Posts: 513
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:29 am

Re: My Husband

Postby nikkis » Fri Apr 04, 2014 9:53 pm

Hi there,
So sorry to hear that Frank has lost his battle. 50 is no age to die. Your emotions must be so mixed at the excitement of a first grandchild, but Frank not being there. Babies keep you very busy, so hoping there will be lots of love and comfort there.
Take care,
Nikki

sandraW
Posts: 1039
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby sandraW » Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:19 pm

So sorry to hear the news that you have lost your beloved Frank, you will miss him dreadfully but he will always live on in your hearts and minds, enjoy your new grandchild, take care sandrax

Frank's wife
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:02 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Frank's wife » Sat Apr 05, 2014 10:22 am

Thank you so much for all the posts concerning Frank and myself. It really does make you feel as though you are not on your own.
Fifi - yes you are right. All of us are or have been bobbing along and trying to make the most of our journeys.
Emma - so grateful to be a member of this forum family and to know we are all related by this disease.
Jt - the baby is now my focus especially as I'm my daughters birth partner. I know this baby is going to be looked after by a very special guardian angel.
Cathy - I'm so sorry to hear that you lost Jonathan. We seem to be travelling parallel lives. You're right about the fact that neither if them had a drawn out ending. Frank's was very quick at home and with me at his side. It would have been awful if he had been very ill for longer.
Nikki - I'm game for all babysitting etc. this baby us going to be a special bundle of hope and happiness.
Sandra - I speak to Frank everyday. Whatever I'm doing I talk. I search for signs that he has heard me. I've so many happy memories and also the knowledge that we loved one another so much.

Once again thanks for the support we all receive on here. I will let you know when the baby is born. I send my love and hugs to all of you. We are all special people. Xx

Frank's wife
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:02 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Frank's wife » Sun Apr 06, 2014 5:07 pm

I became the very proud grandmother of a beautiful little boy at 23.22 on 5/4/14. Mother and baby are doing well. I will endeavour to give the love of 2 grandparents to that little boy.

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Cathy » Sun Apr 06, 2014 5:13 pm

Fabulous news!! :)

A little bit of light and happiness for your dark days.

Thank you for letting us know..... I'm sure you will be a wonderful grandmother.

Cathy Xxxx

sandraW
Posts: 1039
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby sandraW » Sun Apr 06, 2014 5:46 pm

Congratulations to you all, proud Grandma I'm sure you will give your new grandson all the love he needs sandrax

Fifi

Re: My Husband

Postby Fifi » Sun Apr 06, 2014 7:55 pm

Lovely news for you and your family. xx

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: My Husband

Postby J_T » Sun Apr 06, 2014 8:05 pm

Congratulations!

Julia x

Slewis7313
Posts: 688
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:48 pm

Re: My Husband

Postby Slewis7313 » Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:46 pm

A little bundle of joy just when you needed it most.....Congratulations!

Steve
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