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littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Jul 29, 2012 2:42 pm

Things taken a turn for the worst. The fall has left him in excruciating pain. His partner had to get DN, Macmillan and out of hours doctor involved early this morning. Out of hours Doc wanted to send him to A & E for xray but MacMillan persuaded him against as even if a fracture was found they would not be able to do anything about it, he is too weak and the transporting, waiting at A & E would put such a strain oh him. They have, yet again, upped his pain relief. He is adamant that he does not want to go to a hospice, his partner thinks she can cope with additional help which is on offer. You may think this is wicked but I hope it is over for him very soon - this suffering is too cruel.

suef
Posts: 103
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 1:58 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby suef » Sun Jul 29, 2012 2:46 pm

So sorry to hear how bad things have got. Thinking of you all.

Take care,

SueF

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:47 pm

latest update even worse, my brother's breathing has changed, he stopped breathing then restarted 3 times during the night, then woke confused, he didn't at first know his partner and then told her he thought he had died. this is all so awful.

charney
Posts: 74
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:29 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby charney » Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:47 am

so sorry to hear your latest news and that things are not good,
my thoughts are with you.
love and best wishes
cheryl
x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:09 am

weird weird illness. Although my brother is sleeping a lot, once again he has rallied. Got up to have a pee this morning was able to stand for a few minutes to be washed and have his sheets changed. Ate a creme caramel - he has been sick but only once. Driving up to see him today. Obviously not yet his time yet.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Thu Aug 02, 2012 7:05 pm

Update is not one of unalloyed joy but some contentment, or rather peace of mind. When asked how he felt this morning my brother thought about it and stated that he felt tranquil........................

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:36 am

Here I go back to the begining. Always said I was like Kofi Annan, now I feel like Kofi Annan in his current despair. My brother is hanging on and hanging on. Still there is all the misunderstandings and hurts and it is revealing itself again as his partner and his children plan his funeral. Who is allowed to be at crematorium, who speaks at the memorial, how many songs - these arguments taking the place of all the hurts over all the years. I am trying to divert each from the inevitable hurts their decisions will bring. To be more precise it is currently the lack of control his partner is feeling, although this is not really the case but has pushed her to dictate who attends crematorium and the exceptions will cause his children immense pain and will be taken as a huge affront. I have been explaining this to my brothers partner this morning and trying to put it in the context of what my brother would have wanted. I don't want my nieces and nephew to be hurt but I want MBP to feel she has some control so that she is not left feeling outside as well as alone. It all comes back to my brother not having dealt with all of this years ago but it is what it is and we can't go back. I just hope sense will prevail, as for my brother, there is little left of him, both District nurses revealed that they expected him to slip away a couple of weeks ago, yet this morning he had some ensure and a cup of tea - true he brought it all up but the spirit is still willing. Ah me!

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby DRAD3 » Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:02 pm

His spirit is definitely winning isn't it?! So sorry to hear how difficult things have been for your brother and for you and the family. I have been off-line for just over a week and come back to find so much has happened to you but, of course, that is precisely how it is, living with this awful disease. I am so glad to hear that a strong support network is doing its job and helping your brother's partner and I certainly understand her desperate need to gain some control. You are obviously a very wise and understanding person to see everyone's needs and try to help balance the conflict - I hope you manage this as well as can be possible. Wishing your brother much more moments of tranquility. Love and strength to you all.
Deb
x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Mon Aug 06, 2012 4:05 pm

Thanks Debs, must say it is all very wearying and I am always in danger of deluding myself that I am omnipotent, I am however merely blood, skin and bone (with addition of fat of course).

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:30 pm

GP came in yesterday, pushed by DN. It seems if someone dies having not seen a doctor for more than 3 weeks there has to be a post mortem so this was the purpose of his visit. I think since the begining of this this is only his third visit. My brother, despite complaining that dying was taking so long, shows no sign of leaving us just yet. He may not be eating but he is drinking a good bit and urinating. I spoke to him on the 'phone this a m and he wanted me to be precise about what time I would be there tomorrow - this is ironic, since my brother had never cared much about arrival times when he wasn't working.
I shall mosey on up there tomorrow and stay over. I offered to take the night shift but his partner thinks it is too close now, so suggested we both stay up with him. He has been defying all expectations. I guess, even though he is 75/76 he has always been very fit, clearly has a strong heart and without this bloody PC would probably gone on to 100. His motorbike only went a couple of weeks ago and his trendy little caravan.
I hope things have settled down with his children. His son has taken a very proactive position, very unexpected - note to self do not underestimate people, especially those you love! He is helping smooth the way and is a good peacemaker. He is there every single day despite, civic duties, union duties and work. I hope it is not too long for my brother, I hope his departing is gentle and I hope his loss leaves those left behind without too much trauma and hurt.

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:38 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby louiepc » Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:47 pm

sending you lots of love and prayers in this awful time.

louie xxx

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:20 pm

Sending lots of love.. Ella xx

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:53 pm

thank you Louie and Ella, it seems it has to be endured, trying to do this with good grace.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:30 pm

Exhausted, not because I stayed over and stayed awake except for the odd, and probably frequent nodding off periods, after the DN and I persuaded brothers partner to go to her own bed and sleep but because of all the hurt surrounding my brothers imminent death. Today he can no longer speak, cant really open his eyes. All but gone.... His partner is laying down rules about who will be allowed to crematorium - causing upset with his children. His ex-wife (26 years ago and mother of his children) is getting upset because of it and also wants to attend funeral. children advised her against but.... my niece a carer with experience in terminal illness is again threatening to come down to sort out palliative care despite DN's twice a day, carer's twice a day and partner who is a former DN who is giving him the most attentive and tender care. Beam me up scottie. My diplomatic skills are depleted, if ever they were of any use. Gonna get drunk instead.

farmers wife
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2012 4:55 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby farmers wife » Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:30 am

Dear Littlesister,

My heart goes out to you just now, please think of yourself, you have needs at this time. You all clearly care for your Brother, his Partner will be in such turmoil, added with her thoughts of her own life being empty at the end. For others, I am sure they would like a magic wand to make everything right.

I guess the pain of death is dealt with in so many ways, anger and hurt is strong, forgiveness and love is always there, sitting quietly in the background, but so often realised too late.

You have tried so hard and done your best for them. Don't let others get in the way of your love and time left with your Brother.

I will think of you and pray for peace and unity for your family.

Love, Karen x