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Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Ascites

Postby Dandygal76 » Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:50 pm

I just read Marmalade's post after yours... great minds and all that....

By the way... hope you are jealous. My sons both have birthdays in December and I have wrapped up everything already for all events. As of yesterday... it is all done! x

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Veema » Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:57 pm

Well, I've managed to get all the christmas decorations down from the loft along with 2 trees and all the outside lights. One tree is up and decorated (it is the first sunday in advent, so it's ok), the rest will go up over the next week. House is now a tip. I thought it would be emotional, but it was quite nice really...Nige and I always had a row putting the tree up. I did miss having our little sherry and kiss under the false mistletoe.

Anyway, that's one hurdle over.

Vx

Marmalade

Re: Ascites

Postby Marmalade » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:31 pm

Well done V, small steps.

I miss cuddles and kisses too, it's the hardest thing I think. Get those decks up and fill the he place with good cheer

M xx

Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Ascites

Postby Dandygal76 » Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:10 am

Veema, that is lovely. Make a toast to Nige and have a sherry anyway. I will be thinking of all of you through this first bitter sweet Christmas. x

Proud Wife
Posts: 729
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Ascites

Postby Proud Wife » Mon Nov 28, 2016 12:49 pm

With you on the cuddles and kisses V. There's just no substitute. We are just not doing Christmas this year. Along with the cuddles and kisses and not being able to talk things over when I need an opinion, one of the hardest things for me is looking at hubby's empty chair, dining, tv etc. I just couldn't put a turkey in the oven or lay the table knowing he'd not be sitting at the head. I'm sure next year will be different xxx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Justamo » Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:41 pm

Hi Veema, glad to hear you're keeping Christmas as normal as possible for Phoebe.It's bound to be so hard for you, and I think you're a star to have done as well as you have.

Proud Wife, I know what you mean about 'Not doing Christmas this year'. Obviously I've not been in your position, but I do remember the first Christmas after my Dad died. Each year he used to truss the turkey and get it ready for the oven, and the first year after he died I was in tears on Christmas Eve with a turkey as big as a donkey (as my Mum used to say) to deal with and all I could think about was my Dad with a tea towel wrapped round his waist doing the necessary and sneezing because of the feathers. I felt like chucking the whole thing and serving up poached eggs on toast. Not because I couldn't be bothered, but it just wasn't the same without him. I still think about him every Christmas Eve, and have a little slurp of cooking sherry by way of consolation.

This year we are doing a very quiet Christmas, just the three of us, and I'm on duty on Christmas morning at church, so it will be a lateish lunch and then, no doubt, we shall miss the Queen's Speech (Gawd Bless Yer, Marm) because we'll be asleep in front of the telly. I have no idea where we'll be for the following Christmas, so this one will be extra sweet.

Love, Mo

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Veema » Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:04 pm

Had a rubbish week at work this week, nearly told them to shove it on Wednesday...have gone from no consideration at all from a particular teacher to her now being totally over the top and treating me like I'm about to break down at any point...I think I need a change of job...I'll give it some serious thought over christmas...spoken to financial advisor today and he reckons that I'll be able to generate enough income to not have to work, which is a fall back position. On a positive note, Aviva have finally agreed to pay out the life insurance without going to probate, so that's everyone now...can't believe I've got away with that!

Phoebe wrote a lovely letter to Father Christmas the other night - she generally lets me see it before she puts it in the envelope and leaves it on the doormat for the elves to take, but this year she shoved it in the envelope without showing me - I opened it later on and it started as usual asking for a few things which don't amount to much but then she wrote 'Now, I need your help this year Father Christmas, and I think you can do it, in fact I know you can. I just want me and my mummy to have the best christmas ever' I was in bits reading it.

Hope everyone is doing okay...have you all got your christmas trees up???

Vx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Justamo » Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:34 pm

Hi V, nice to hear from you. Been wondering how you are.

Nothing sickens me more than insincerity. For somebody to go from 'no consideration' to 'being totally OTT' is both patronising and hypocritical. Surely other people have noted her behaviour ?

I agree that perhaps a change of job would help, but I think it's terribly important not to make any life-changing decisions for at least six months. Good to know that the two of you won't end up in the workhouse if you do tell them to shove it, but try to maintain the status quo for a while anyway. If The Particular Teacher's behaviour becomes really offensive, drop her in it. Complain about her, and try not to cry while you're doing it. If she can treat a colleague like that, then she shouldn't be in charge of children.

Phoebe's note to Santa made me sniff as well. What a lovely kid she sounds. You wouldn't know it was Christmas in our house. We can't put a tree up because Boo is still boisterous enough to want to climb it, but the crib will be laid out shortly and then it will feel more like Advent.

Take care
Love Mo

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Veema » Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:21 pm

Dido (the dog) ate all the baubles off the bottom foot of the tree...she is in disgrace and banished to the kitchen when I go out as she just cannot be trusted. She has never done this before...I now just have the strings and the little bit that you tie the string to hanging on the tree.

Marmalade

Re: Ascites

Postby Marmalade » Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:49 pm

I know I shouldn't laugh but......hahaha

M xxx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Justamo » Fri Dec 02, 2016 10:58 pm

Veema, you have a Designer Tree.
Other people have ordinary trees, but you have an Art Installation.
It's probably worth a fortune.
Love, Mo

Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Ascites

Postby Dandygal76 » Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:36 am

You could try one of those 5 gate baby gates. My very good friend had 2 sets of twins and another child all under the age of 5. She did this and put all the presents inside as well to stop the crawlers opening them and it worked a treat. x

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Veema » Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:39 pm

yeh...was going to try the guinea pig run around it, but the arm of the sofa is right up against it, so unless I have a major furniture reorganisation (which I don't have room for), it's pointless. I've bought some more baubles today and she will now be banished to the kitchen whenever we go out and have to leave her.

Finally getting christmas organised, in the main thanks to good old amazon.

Vx

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Veema » Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:05 pm

So yesterday I told my class teacher to eff off, chucked my ID pass at her and waltzed out of the building...all over the children's christmas party hats can you believe...I feel pathetic, but she just pushed me that one step too far. I didn't go to the nativity performance last night and I haven't been in today either. I have to go and see the headteacher on Monday at 10am. It will all be blamed on my 'grief'.

Phoebe cried her little eyes out last night, saying she keeps remembering the morning that Nige died and how horrible it was...it was horrible and I wish more than anything that she hadn't seen it all, but I can't do anything about that now, so we had a good chat about it, I told her how brave she had been, what a great help she had been and that her Daddy would be so proud of her for all she'd done. I told her that, yes, it was awful...really awful and I wish that we hadn't had to go through that, but that we hadn't thought he'd die so quickly. She blames herself...god knows why, but I know children often do blame themselves when something bad happens, so we talked about that and that it was no-ones fault and that it was just shit that Daddy had got such a horrible disease, but he'd done his very best and we'd all tried really hard to get him better. I told her that I just wished I could take it all away from her and make it better, but I can't and we've just got to get on with it the best we can...that its okay to talk about our worries with each other and have a good cry about things, because we've had a rubbish few years. God, it's hard.

So...had a bad week...cheered up a little by PW's picture that she sent me on facebook...shame we can't post pictures on here, it would have made everyone smile... ;)

Things can only get better.

Vx

Justamo
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Ascites

Postby Justamo » Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:49 pm

Oh V, hug hug hug hug.
(That almost came out as ugh ugh ugh. Thanks Google).

Wish I'd been there to see and hear you tell her to Go Forth And Multiply. I wonder what the Head Teacher is going to make of it ? If she starts to patronise you, punch her.

Poor Phoebe. Bless her heart, but what a good mum you are. I know that a lot of kids feel guilty if their parents separate but I didn't realise it could happen with bereavement as well. That's the good thing about this forum, shared experiences build strength.

My stepson visited yesterday. He's 54, I inherited custody of him when he was 8 and so I can tell you that postnatal depression lasts for 46 years. Honestly. He's fried his brain with marijuana, is covered in knife wounds, rattles with various pills and is extremely needy. Apart from that he's a wholesome chap. His reaction to his Dad's illness is to tell us about his own self-inflicted problems, which is why hearing about Phoebe almost reduces me to tears. You've got a little gem there,V.

Try to enjoy your weekend and come out of your corner fighting on Monday.
Love and ughs
Mo x