A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

How have other people coped

Postby Aimee » Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:24 pm

So I thought maybe if I wrote on here and had some sort of response it may help me.

3 weeks ago my grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, long story short there was nothing they could do to help. She was too old and too weak to have any sort of treatment. After caring for her within in her own home for the last 2 weeks she has sadly passed away.

I've always been really close with my grandma & with her only living doors away from me I've seen her everyday of my life. She has always been my only grandma in my life & I was just wondering how other people have coped with such loss?

Some days I feel ok and manage to take my mind off things but then others it hits me and I feel like I can't cope?

sandraW
Posts: 1031
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby sandraW » Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:46 pm

Hi Aimee, I am sorry you have lost your lovely grandma, you obviously loved her very much.
There is nothing I can say to help you feel better, and its very early days yet. You don't say how old you are, I lost my beloved dad when I was 17, and that was truly awful.
Grief is a strange thing and we all handle it differently, but your grandma WILL always be with you in your heart, its 51 years now since I lost my Dad, and I still think about him often, and always with a smile.
I think we all just find our own coping method, and try to carry on with life, do you have other family members around you for support, I hope so, it all just takes time we never get over their death we just learn to accept it.
Please let us know how you are doing, take care sandrax x

Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Aimee » Tue Jul 26, 2016 9:41 pm

Hi Sandra, I am 22. I do have lots of family around me, I just feel like I can't talk to them as I don't want to upset them during this time. I have been trying to keep busy to keep my mind busy.

Thank you for your reply. X

Veema
Posts: 498
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Veema » Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:33 pm

So sorry you have lost your lovely grandma...but I would definitely talk about her with your family...yes they may be upset, but it's all part of the grieving process and talking about her keeps her very much alive in your hearts.

I would also say, that although there was nothing to be done for your gran, she is, in a way, lucky to have gone so quickly...I hope at the end my husband goes quickly.

Lots of love and strength.

Vx

Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Aimee » Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:39 pm

Thank you for your reply.

I will try talking with family about how I'm feeling ect. Hopefully it helps me a little.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband, we were thankful she wasn't in pain too long

X

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Didge » Wed Jul 27, 2016 12:01 am

Hello Aimee. What I found best when I have lost someone close was to talk to them. So talk to your gran, tell her about your day, that you miss her, tell her your news and funny things that happen just like you would always have done. It doesn't have to be out loud, it can be in your head if there are people around. I hope this helps x

Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Aimee » Wed Jul 27, 2016 6:18 am

Thank you! I think this is a really good idea. What I miss most is being able to tell her these things. X

Proud Wife
Posts: 729
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Proud Wife » Wed Jul 27, 2016 9:27 am

Hello Aimee

I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma, I can understand how much of a shock it must have been, especially as it all happened so very very quickly.

I lost my husband 6 and a half weeks ago. I have filled the house with photos, he's on my smart phone, his picture is on my desktop, I can't walk more than 6 steps without seeing his face. His favourite jacket is on the coatstand which I've padded out so that i can come and hug it as though I'm hugging hubby from the back! I do whatever it takes to get through these early days and I can only advise you to do exactly the same.

Talking is by far the best thing you can do. My son, who is only a year younger than you by the way, went back to work 2 weeks ago and since then, I've been home alone. Well, in these 2 weeks I've become so accustomed to talking out loud to hubby, that I do it now without realising, when out shopping. That's a bit extreme of course and I shall try to stop doing that but it really really helps. It gets me through, it helps me cope and so early on, I think we all have to do whatever it takes whilst we try to come to terms with such a cruel blow.

My son, who is the least religious person you could find, takes comfort in saying a little prayer each night before he goes to sleep.

Lastly, please do talk to relatives. There is always that chance that they want to talk to you too but are afraid to in case it upsets you.

We are always here if you need us xx

Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Aimee » Wed Jul 27, 2016 2:40 pm

Hello,

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

By the sounds of it your doing a great job in coping!

The shock was probably the worst, going from not knowing anything was wrong
To her laughing and joking but being a little more tired and then a week of not
Waking at all was horrible.

I think talking out loud as if she was here sounds a really good idea and think it's
One I'm going to try. I really miss being able to tell her about my day/ask about hers.

I'm not religious at all so never really thought about praying.

I'm also going to try and discuss with family even if it's just talking about happy memories we have of her.

Xx

Dandygal76
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Dandygal76 » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:15 pm

Hi Aimee

I am sorry to hear about your grandma, it must have been such a horrid shock. I lost my granddad when I was 22 and it was the first time I lost someone close to me and I remember how painful it was. I think talking is a good thing, whether to your Grandma still, your family or to us on here. I know it is a cliche but time will heal your feelings and you will see happy times again. xxx

Aimee
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:16 pm

Re: How has other people coped

Postby Aimee » Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:22 pm

Thank you,

It's the first time I have lost someone close to me too. I think it makes it worse that we haven't had the funeral yet so don't have any place I can go and visit her yet