A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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boa
Posts: 129
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby boa » Mon May 02, 2016 6:30 pm

Linda, I'm sorry you are not too good just now. I try to find things to focus on to take my mind off thinking back. As you say it might be worth contacting the hospice. I can understand what you mean about not writing Stewart's story as you feel it is negative. Just wait and see if the time is right. Catherine

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Mon May 02, 2016 9:44 pm

Hi Leila, I know he wouldn't want me to be like this and I promised him I would be ok, but it's so hard! He was funny, we had the same sense of humour and I miss that. He could be grumpy when he wanted to be. We never argued, just agreed to disagree but he would go in the huff for a while. He was very happy, he loved his life and had so many interests and things he wanted to do, and places we wanted to go together. He would be upset to see me like this, he would cuddle me in and tell me everything will be alright. He was a very private man and I don't know what he would feel about me sharing like this. I'm glad you got something from the counselling sessions, I hope I do too. I think maybe the counsellor might be able to help me. I know what you mean, I feel as if I want to talk about everything we went through but I feel as if I am being a burden to my friends and family, and they have heard it all before. They all say not so, and try to help and support me and I am very grateful for that but I know it upsets them to see me like this and then I feel guilty. It just seems like a never ending circle of negative emotions! I think anger can sometimes be a good thing as long as it doesn't consume you. I have those feelings about a couple of people and that is why I went to see the matron at the hospital. Thanks Leila.
Take care.
Linda
xxx

Proud Wife
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Proud Wife » Mon May 02, 2016 10:05 pm

Again Linda we were posting at the same time.

Take if from me, Stewart will be fine you sharing whatever information you feel able to because we all in the same boat albeit at different stages. Do not feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about!

I am so pleased you are going to try counselling, I hope it will help you xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Mon May 02, 2016 10:06 pm

Hi Catherine, thanks for your support. I do try to focus on other things and sometimes it works but mostly just for a short while. I went for a walk in the park this morning in the rain and all I could remember was the last time we walked there together and he watched the autumn sun shining through the trees and the tears streamed down his face. It's these thoughts that make me so sad, remembering how sad and frightened he was just breaks my heart over and over again. Hopefully the counsellor may be able to suggest some coping strategies. Can't do any harm can it.
Take care
Linda G
XXXX

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Mon May 02, 2016 10:12 pm

Hi PW, thanks for your kind words. I hope it will help too. I hope your hubby is feeling a bit better. And I know when he is feeling a bit better you will feel a bit better too.
xxxx

boa
Posts: 129
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby boa » Tue May 03, 2016 7:43 am

Hi Linda, I've no experience of counselling either having it or giving it but I have heard good reports from people. You've hit the nail on the head when you talk about coping strategies because I think that's what we need in these circumstances. I agree that focussing often only works for a short time. What I have tried to do, and it doesn't always work!, is to replace the sad thoughts with a happier one. So yesterday when I was at an event overlooking where my husband used to sail with his friends I thought how sad it was that he couldn't sail any more. Then I thought about the joy it had brought him in the later years of his life and for a while I felt calm, peaceful and, indeed, happy. But it takes effort doesn't it? Catherine

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1019
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Tue May 03, 2016 4:56 pm

Lovely, positive thoughts Catherine.

Thanks for sharing these.

Jeni.

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Tue May 03, 2016 7:06 pm

Linda,

Your Stewart sounds so much like my Dad. In fact I was walking home from work this evening and the sun was shinning, and I thought about your Stewart with tears down his face. I sobbed the rest of the way home. That is something my Dad would have done. He was so very very frightened to die also. He would cry each time I left as he would say " I don't know how many cuddles we have left ". Everyone really, must be so very frightened being diagnosed with this, I cannot possibly imagine. Although it rips my heart out now, I am thankful my Dad could share his feeling with me. I am sure so many loved ones try and protect, but my Dad asked me if he could tell me how he felt, and he really did. It was devastating.

Linda, be honoured that Stewart felt so comfortable to share his fears with you, he loved you that much. I know it is hard and nothing more than heartbreaking to remember but he loves you, not loved, loves.

Leila xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Wed May 04, 2016 5:07 pm

Thanks Catherine and Leila, thank you both for your kind words and support.
Take care
xxx
Linda G

Fifi

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Fifi » Sun Jun 26, 2016 3:20 pm

Hi Linda,

I am taking a very long break from here. I didn't want to leave without asking how you are, and wishing you some happy memories to come through soon.

I know this is incredibly easy to say, but Stewart would want you to think about the good times. Don't forget the bad, or even stop thinking of the bad times, it is part of you, but I hope you can smile at least once a day. Think about the love you had for each other. That is what I am trying to do. I can't get passed the illness, but I know my Dad loved me and I know how much I love him. I am going to think of the love.

If you ever want to write Stewart's story, it will never be too late too, and you will always get the support and love here, that you need and deserve.


Leila xx


Every life counts, every person counts here. We are all one, one way or another.

Dandygal76
Posts: 758
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Dandygal76 » Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:09 am

Leila, we will miss you and your experience and wisdom. But, sometimes I do understand you need to step away and figure out a new way of living. PC takes over our lives and losing your dad has been so hard for you so if you need a long break then go for it lovely. I do hope you will pop in and see us in the future when you are ready though.

xxx

Dandygal76
Posts: 758
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Dandygal76 » Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:23 am

How are you doing Linda? I hope you are coping and please do lean on us whenever you need to. x

Proud Wife
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Proud Wife » Mon Jun 27, 2016 11:23 am

Ditto. Know what you are going through. How we all wish we didn't.

You have been an AMAZING support to me, am here for you too whenever you need xxx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:27 pm

Thanks Leila, for your support. Good luck in everything you do.
Linda G
XXXX

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Finding it so hard to recall better times

Postby Linda G » Sun Jul 17, 2016 7:06 pm

Dear All, I just want to let you all know I am withdrawing from the forum. I want to thank everyone for their help and support over my time on here, especially PW, Leila, Catherine, Didge, Marmalade, Dandygal and the nurses. I have followed everyones story's and it breaks my heart every time. I am attending some counselling sessions and hope they will help me to come to terms with things. PC is a long, difficult, traumatic, sad journey as everyone here is well aware and I think I need to try and find my new "normal", whatever that may be. I wish everyone well on their journey, weather still fighting, or grieving for their loved one. I will continue to support PCUK and I will think of you all with hope, sadness and gratitude. Take care everyone. Goosbye.
Linda G
XXXX