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DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby DRAD3 » Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:41 pm

Hi Morwenna
Sorry to hear that your Dad is being kept captive! It is so difficult, I know, but obviously important that he is kept under a watchful eye if things haven't gone completely to plan. I am guessing that they will want to keep him the extra day to make sure all is well and discharge him for the weekend (they do tend to want to keep inpatient numbers down over the weekend). I do hope all is well tonight and things have gone to plan. I hope you are OK too as I am sure you are worrying and wanting him to just be where he wants to be and feeling happier.
Take care
Deb
x

jacquik
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 7:01 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby jacquik » Fri Feb 08, 2013 8:00 pm

Hi Morwenna, just to say my thoughts are with you. My dad had a metal stent fitted in september last year after having jaundice and infections repeatedly and he couldn't have surgery and chemo wouldnt give him any more time. It helped for quite a while. Hope your dad is feeling better, I know how you're feeling, Jacqui

Morwenna
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:43 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Morwenna » Sat Feb 09, 2013 10:42 am

Thanks Deb and Jacqui
Dad is finally home, he came home yesterday afternoon. I spoke to him on the phone and he said he was feeling a bit better but that doesn't mean a lot really as he will say that however he is feeling! So he has had a metal stent put in this time, I take it with metal ones they are less likely to get infection?
I'm certainly hoping he has learnt his lesson now and that he won't ignore the signs if it happens again, he said to me that he never wants to go into hospital again, ever! So hopefully he will keep a better eye on himself.
I have 2 boys ages 4 & 7 who adore their grandad and vice versa so they are going to do him some drawings and we will take them down to see him later, i'm sure it will do my dad the world of good to see them, and we are going to bake him a cake and a nice homemade beef casserole as he needs feeding up again now!
Thankyou for all being there as always, you are all a great support..

Much love
Morwenna

Catherine
Posts: 88
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:31 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Catherine » Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:01 pm

Hello Morwenna,

I'm really pleased your dads home. I knew you'd be making him some food! I'm sure he'll love being with you and your boys - that's what it's all about. I really hope he's not feeling too bad. My mum came home too yesterday, as soon as the diabetic nurse said 'yes' I got her packed and out within 10 mins before they tested anything else. If your dad has been on a ward similar to mums it's like home from home with the most amazing staff. It's a shame he wouldn't let you visit as I'm sure you would have been reassured and slept easier knowing he was in the best possible hands. My mums got a metal stent, and her scan showed it was working well - though it's got a couple of stones in. She's had no problems with it at all, and the source of infection remains one of life's little mysteries. Although when she came out of hospital the last time the wound weeped a bit - check with your dad re wound care, has he got a district nurse coming to change the dressing? I really hope he has as you say learnt his lesson re letting something get hold of him - I'm quite sure if my mum hadn't been at chemo when she showed signs of an infection she would have 'held on' too to see what happened. They are stubborn aren't they? I had to get stern with her in the toilets and say now look you're staying here. My dad colludes with her for an easy life! They're hard work at times aren't they?

Have a lovely visit today. Lots of love Catherine xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby DRAD3 » Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:54 pm

Hi Morwenna and Catherine - great news that you have your parents home where they belong and I am sure you are spoiling them rotten this weekend!
lots of love
Deb
x

Morwenna
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:43 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Morwenna » Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:27 pm

Well we visited Dad yesterday and he actually looked better than i'd expected, he had some colour in his cheeks although he's still painfully thin. I was armed with a freshly baked cake which he said he'd have a slice of straight away! I cut him a small piece knowing he's not got much of an appetite and he said 'I'll have more than that!!" : )

He seemed pleased to see us all and glad to be home but I did feel he wasn't as chirpy as the day before when he came home from hospital, I had spoken to him on the phone and he was really chatty but yesterday he was quite despondent.

I put it down to tiredness but I took him down a casserole earlier and he just looked really sad and said he wasn't feeling that great and then went on to say he doesn't think he's going to carry on with the chemotherapy! He says he felt much better before he started the chemo. He then started talking about what things were mine in the house and what was worth any money! I told him I didn't want to think about that yet and he said you can't help but think about it when you're sat doing nothing everyday and that even when he is doing things he can't keep his mind off it for long. I'm worried that he is understandably depressed, does anyone else have any experience with their loved ones becoming depressed? And who would I contact to get some support for him?

I came away and burst into tears, it makes me so angry this poisonous disease!! Seeing a strong healthy extremely fit man become weak, frail and old in such a short amount of time is heartbreaking : (
Sorry for the rant but it helps!!

Thinking of you all and hoping your loved ones are doing ok....

Much love
Morwenna

petra
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2013 6:16 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby petra » Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:07 am

Hi morwenna just read your post and I can totally sympathise....when my dad was last discharged he was so happy to be coming home then when I was driving him home he became totally wierd and offish very out of character!I think as he was a full timee physical worker with no health problems before and then boom!had to give up work, his van his whole life basically with all day and night to think about things, so yes I don't think even the strongest person could fail to be a bit down about the whole thing, think maybe if you contacted macmillan or a similar cancer charity they may have some services couunselling or alternative therapy maybe see what they suggest....I try and keep dads spirits up as best I can I haven't even suuggested help with feeling down as he wouldd never ever go for it too proud and stubborn!!! I guess itt helps that I've moved in with my dad 280 miles away from my partner but as I don't have kids I guess its easier you have to think of your boys!! Hope this helps a bit its easy to cry when u hear these upsetting things from your own dad but he doesn't mean to upset you, my best friends dad had cancer and used to say similar things all the time, stay strong xxxx

susikus
Posts: 188
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:01 am

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby susikus » Mon Feb 11, 2013 4:40 pm

It is so hard isn't it? There are people who can help - Macmillan for example or other local services. Our GP offered antidepressants early on so a chat with the GP might be worthwhile. But at the end of the day the whole thing is depressing....

When my dad was terminally ill he didn't want to talk much about the here and now (he sort of put up with me sorting out meds and bowels and bathing and all the physical sort of things) but what he really enjoyed talking about was his younger days and we talked for hours and I learnt things I'd never known before - I was so glad to have had that opportunity as I felt I really came to know him better. My mother had died the year before and I'd always been closer to her in my growing up years.

When my husband was ill he felt totally differently - he had always hated being ill, didn't like anyone to mention it - and all he really wanted was for life to be as normal as possible for as long as possible. So when visitors came, our daughters included, he tried to be the same man he'd always been. He wanted to talk about dogs and walking and music. I did try a little to get him to leave something for our daughters - for example I bought birthday cards for him to write in - but it made him feel so very uncomfortable that I left it.

So what I'm really saying is 'to each their own'. If your dad wants to talk about who will have what then it might be important to him. My dad wanted my sister to have his car - she drove an old banger - but he never said that to her, instead he said to me 'you will make sure L gets my car won't you?' She was most surprised (and delighted) when I told her.

'Tis hard tho'. Hugs (and lots of 'em)
love
Sue
xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby DRAD3 » Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:40 pm

Hi Morwenna
I cannot imagine what it must be like to be in your Dad's shoes. I still find it hard to think about what was going through my husband's mind - the fear, the loneliness and the utter sadness. Your Dad obviously has much he wants to talk about - things that you will find hard to hear and that will upset you but if you can find the strength to listen, I think it will help him feel some sense of control. The thing I hated most about PC was how it almost took a life of its own, my husband became it and it became my husband - he became lost behind it. Perhaps your Dads's decision regarding whether to continue with chemo is also about him re-gaining some control - this disease wants to take everything - don't let it. As Sue said, it might just be the time to start talking to your Dad about his life before, what is important to him, and what he wants for the future (forget that he has terminal cancer, if you can). So, so hard, I know Morwenna - I do hope that you can help your Dad through this difficult time. Remember youself too - Macmillan and the like are there for families/carers too.
Much love
Deb
x

Catherine
Posts: 88
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:31 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Catherine » Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:51 am

Hello Morwenna,

Bless you. I am really pleased your dad looked better than you had expected, that must have been a relief. Your dad is more than likely associating his hospital stay with chemo. It is a huge leap of faith when there is no hope of a cure simply more time. He may feel very differently when he has had his scan and seen his consultant. I can't imagine how he must be feeling, it is so frustrating to go from being active to doing not a lot at the best of times without the label of a terminal illness hanging over you. My mum talks about death a lot, she is going to see an undertaker and plan and pay for her funeral soon. On one hand that is upsetting but on the other it is about the person she is and having it her way!! And she does say she's going no where without a bloody good fight, and hopefully no time soon!!

Your dads Macmillan nurse should be able to help with how your dad is feeling, do you think it was a bad day or he is like it most of the time? Everyone has down days with or without a terrible illness. Are there any things he is looking forward to? We have tried to have something every week that my mum is looking forward to, today it's a big family celebration of pancake day. Next week (chemo week) it might be something small like baking a cake or going to a shop she likes, or one of the grandchildren staying. As Deb said this illness becomes you and you become the illness. So we try really hard to find the positives in every situation and think of mum as mum first and that horrid diagnosis second. I have to say that has taken some doing though!! It's good he ate a big bit of cake, it's great to see isn't it? I cooked pulled pork on Sunday as my mum had mentioned she liked the look of it (she's gone off meat) and it was lovely to see her tucking in. She even had 2 helpings of key lime pie.

You need to look after yourself in all of this too, you're always so busy rushing around making food etc. This awful illness is a lot to get your head round. I hate it too, I don't know why it has to try and take such lovely people.

Take care of yourself, love Catherine xxx

Morwenna
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:43 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Morwenna » Tue Feb 12, 2013 10:30 pm

Thankyou all so much for taking the time to reply xx
Dad actually said to me yesterday that he thinks he is depressed and today he saw his gp who prescribed him some anti-depressants.
My brother gave him a good talking to about not giving up and carrying on with the chemo so I think he's going to have another cycle of chemo then he is due a scan to check progress, then once he sees the results he can then decide whether to continue or not, we've convinced him he needs to give the chemo a proper go as he's only had one cycle so far and he caught the infection during that time so he was feeling pretty poorly during those 3 weeks. Once he's fully better from the infection I think he will be more positive again.
He sees his oncologist on Monday so they will decide then whether he is fit enough for next weeks chemo or if they need to delay it another week.
He wants to put some weight back on as he lost more when he had the infection so he has ordered some build up shakes and I am doing my best to cook him things when I can fit it in!! Making him a Chilli con carne after work tomorrow! I'm like meals on wheels : )

Thankyou all for your fantastic support as always....

Sending you all hugs..
Morwenna x

Catherine
Posts: 88
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:31 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby Catherine » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:51 am

Hi Morwenna,

I'm so pleased your dad has got his fight back - it seems like he is fighting on all fronts now. That's really good news. You must be so relieved, it's amazing what becomes good news. Enjoy your chilli xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby DRAD3 » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:51 pm

Hi Morwenna
Excellent news that your Dad recognised he needed some help and asked for it - not an easy thing to do and I admire him for that. Also good to know that he has taken some time to reflect and re-think decisions. His depression may well have dictated his thinking recently so perhaps some better days will turn things around for him - hoping so. Do let us know how it goes with the oncologist next week and fingers crossed he continues to re-gain his weight and feel stronger.
Take care, Morwenna.
Deb
x

jacquik
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 7:01 pm

Re: Dad has been admitted to hospital

Postby jacquik » Fri Feb 15, 2013 6:18 pm

Hi Morwenna,
I'm so glad to hear your dad has asked for help, I know how stubborn parents can be. The last time my dad's plastic stent blocked he left it so long he had to be rushed to intensive care as he was going into septic shock!
And its very upsetting when they say what they want you to have, my dad told my son he was gonna leave him the biggest collection of tractors in Britain.
My son told him he'd have to stay alive alot longer if he was going to do that! (Makes my son very sad to think grandad is so ill, and he's a teenager!)
Dad also had a metal stent, its been ok for quite a while but this time he blocked up somewhere else.
Really hope your dad feels better soon, happy thoughts in his general direction!
And in yours too, I know how hard it is to see a big, strong hero of a dad turn into a frail, skinny old man, its heart breaking, big virtual hug, Jacqui x