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Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:22 am

Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Staystrong » Fri Jul 06, 2018 8:23 pm

Hello all. I hope everyone is doing aswell as possible.
My wonderful mother passed away after a 5 yr battle with pc in feb this year.
In complete shock today as my dad was diagnosed with this cruel disease. Just can not believe it. We haven’t all the details yet but it doesn’t look like he is a candidate for surgery like she was. He also is much older than she was at diagnosis ( 83 - 68) and has other health problems.
I’m sitting here with him in the hospital while he sleeps and really am just numb

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby RLF » Tue Jul 10, 2018 1:35 pm

So sorry you’re back here for a second time. It’s a worry that plagues me all the time that I’ll be back here about another loved one, so I’m gutted for you that it’s your reality. Don’t know what to say, but know that people out there are thinking of you and try to carry on as best you can. You’ve been through it all once though so you know what it’s like already, so feel like I’m preaching to the converted.
Big hugs
Rob x

PCUK Nurse Dianne
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Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:29 pm

Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby PCUK Nurse Dianne » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:55 pm

Dear 'Staystrong',

I am so sorry to read your post and understand that this must be so incredibly difficult for you at present. I am sure you are still dealing with your loss of Mum and to have this news must feel so unjust. This must be such a test of your own inner strength and resolve and I cannot imagine how you may be coping with this.

I am pleased you felt able to come back to this wonderful forum family where I am sure you will have much support and understanding.

Staystrong, please do feel free to be in touch with us on the support service if we can support you or give you any guidance during this difficult time.

Our thoughts are with you during these difficult days.

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse
Pancreatic Cancer UK
Support line: 0808 801 0707
email: nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Staystrong » Mon Aug 06, 2018 6:40 pm

So my poor dad lasted 2 weeks from time of diagnosis. Still in shock from it all. Everything went so fast. Being diagnosed, talking about months to seeing him deteriorate overnight before our eyes and then pass away within 2 weeks of diagnosis. He never got home from hosp and was deemed unfit to travel to the hospice. Hospital experience at end of life while caring it was so different to what we had experienced with my mum only a
few months ago.
Sometimes reality hasn’t hit at all but today it has and I feel so low. Due back at work tomorrow and not ready for that at all so guess it’s all part of honmw I’m feeling today.

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Kerry » Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:29 pm

I’m so sorry to hear such sad news. You must still be in shock. My dad was diagnosed on May 17th and is currently in a hospice getting weaker as each day passes. I thought his decline had been fast but two weeks for your dad is shocking.

My dad spent 10days in hospital before being transferred to the Hospice and I understand exactly what you mean about end of life in hospital. I hope you don’t feel guilty about him dying in hospital - sometimes these things are out of our control and we cannot always choose where we want our loved ones to be cared for.

I have taken time off work during the last two months to help suppprt my mum and dad and also when it all become too much for me to deal with emotionally. I felt I couldn’t concentrate at work and felt too emotional to be there. I would say going back tomorrow is far too soon for you. If your employer won’t give you compassionate leave you should see your doctor who wouldn’t hesitate to sign you off. You can’t under estimate how much this must have affected you and you need time to deal with all your emotions.

I hope you have friends and family who can support you. I know counselling is not for everyone but I know there is a lot of support out there is you feel it may help.

PCUK Nurse Jeni
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Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Tue Aug 07, 2018 4:11 pm

Hello Staystrong,

I am so sorry to learn that your dad passed away so quickly after his diagnosis.

Our thoughts go to you and your family - and our condolences to you all from all of the nurses on here, myself, Dianne and Rachel.

I think Kerry has a point about going back to work so soon - aware that there isn't a lot of time given on compassionate grounds, and no doubt, you will also need time in the weeks to come for the funeral etc...Certainly good advice to see your gp if its too difficult. You have had a lot on your plate over the past few months.

If we can help at all, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Kind regards,


Jeni Jones
Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse
Support Team
Pancreatic Cancer UK
email: nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk
support line: 0808 801 0707

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Dandygal76 » Tue Aug 07, 2018 10:57 pm

Hey lovely, so sorry about your dad.. there just are no words. I went back to work too soon and tried to plough on. Everyone, including work, family and my GP said I needed to be off but as usual I thought I knew best. I got kicked out of work and went off for 3 months (and I never take a day sickness ever) - literally had a breakdown putting too much on myself and it was terrible. Take it easy, look after yourself and most importantly... listen to those who know you best. I am lucky to have good bosses and had such a good work reputation that they just wanted me to get better and get back. You have to take of yourself. I was told in CBT of two really good apps. One is called 'Headspace' and the other 'Calm'. They will really help you through this. x

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Staystrong » Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:11 am

Thank you all for your kindness and replies.
I guess I’m still in shock really.
I was only to work 2 days this week and I think I felt I should but as it got closer I knew I couldn’t. I was due to have next week off anyway so I’ll see after that.
It’s just I took some time in Jan to help my mum in her last few weeks and then ended up taking 6weeks after her passing so the practical part of me feels I can’t take much now.
When I think it out its 4.5 weeks since my dad was diagnosed, 2 since he passed on, 6 months since my mum died from this same ‘rare’ cancer. I actually think I’m a bit traumatized by it all. I made a call to a local cancer support centre today that my mum had used sporadically over the 5 years and it was great to hear my own thoughts out loud if that makes sense. I will definitely go there at some point. Didn’t make an appt just now as kids off school etc makes it a little more difficult to plan. They also provide a drop in type service so if I find I have an opportunity I might do that.
Thank you everyone for your replies. I do find in’real life’ people are great but not being in same shoes it’s often either ‘ poor you so much has happened’ kinda patronizing or ‘ sorry about what’s happened’ in what I’ve been interpreting as come on now let’s move on

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby Kerry » Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:53 pm

Arrh - you are definately still in shock. To have this cruel disease take both of your parents is tragic and must be more than you can bear.

I know exactly what you mean about the reaction of people in ‘the real world’. I too find that. I find that some of my friends just don’t know what to say and some just avoid the subject. I also have friends (and especially my husband) who have been very supportive and understanding. This whole process changes a person for ever I think and unless you’ve been through it you don’t truly understand.

I hope you find a way to get through this difficult time. X

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Re: Can not believe I’m here again

Postby toodotty » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:53 am

Hi Staystrong,
Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug. Kerry is absolutely right, unless someone has been through something like this themselves, then it is difficult for them to comprehend how you feel right now. I think that I would just feel completely overwhelmed.