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Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 10:05 am
I hope you enjoyed your Ladies Who Lunch event on Saturday. Even a trip to Tesco can be an Event if you've been concentrating on caring to the exclusion of all else !
Nice that Alan's friends have been to see him. Peter has been housebound since Thursday feeling grotty since last week's chemo, and feeling very sorry for himself. He's uncomfortable sitting in an armchair, and if he lies on his bed he goes to sleep, but he is very tired so probably having a nap is the best thing he can do at present. And, of course, Boris joins in (complete with mouse) and snuggles down too. Peter's friends phone to see how he is and the usual routine is : phone rings, Peter swears, I answer it, filter out unwanted callers, and then pass him the phone. The next words I hear are "Oh, I'm fine". Which is a whopping great big lie, because if he were fine he wouldn't be in bed, but that's men for you.
We've got a bright and sunny May Day here, so I may persuade Peter to come out for a short trip somewhere. There is a sale on at a local woollen mill and they sell nice coffee, so we may have a jaunt later on. And of course, there's always garden centres ! We'll see how he is after his shower.
Try to have a good day yourself.
Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 10:41 am
Oh, yes Mo....We play the same scenario with phone calls...we have the in and out of bed and not fancying anything to eat and then he's talking to his brother on the phone and telling him that he's ok.
We had a good old natter over lunch...4 women all talking and laughing at the same time ...we can talk for England and trying to keep track of where everyone is at in their life gets you out of your own bubble. One of them has gone through a nasty divorce and has developed osteoarthritis while still running a long standing business. Another has money troubles and is unhappy in her marriage. The third one is very happy with her life and her and her hubby are enjoying retirement. All different situations so loads to talk about! Allan enjoyed his mates' visit and they dId a great job of clearing the rest of his fishing tackle ( and gave him a good price) . I thought it would bother him that his precious tackle was gone. He was fanatical about keeping it clean and in good order but he said he's glad they've taken it as it's one less job for me later. I appreciate their help.
I hope you can get Peter out for a while to take advantage of the sunshine and bag a few bargains.
You made me laugh the other day when you'd sewn a biscuit into the bag lining!
Keep on keeping on and best foot forward and all that...love to Boris.
Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 6:54 pm
Vee, I hope you managed to enjoy your day out. I remember having one day out with some friends without having to talk about CANCER and it was wonderful. We all need that.
I have to echo Marmalade's comments about eating. The same applies to liquids too. It is so hard to sit back and watch but it's not Allan's fault and he'd eat if he could. I was repeatedly told by the nursing staff not to nag over food because it would make matters worse.
With regard to breathlessness, one good tip is to make sure you have a fan in the house, a gentle waft of air in the patient's face can sometimes help with the panic of not being able to breathe properly. It would also be good to have a hand held fan in reach for the same purpose.
Thinking of you
Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 9:33 pm
Thanks for the tip PW. I have a hand held fan somewhere that I used for the hot flushes!
You're right about time out from cancer talk and worries. It was a great few hours chatting and not having to worry about getting back as Allan wasn't alone. Oddly enough it was the same feeling as getting out without the children when they were little. Is that an odd comparison? I hope that your son has found some help ....my younger sister was only 9 when both our parents died in the same year. I was 26 and she came to live with us and we had temper tantrums but no real emotion from her until it was her 18th birthday. We gave her a gold bracelet and she sobbed and sobbed so I think she'd carried her grief all that time and the occasion brought it to the fore. This was in the 70s and there was no mention at the time of any assistance for a child who'd had to deal with such a momentous event. She's got a good job now and was married to a lovely man for 20 years but her marriage broke up because she wouldn't have a baby at any price and he wanted a family. I believe she was afraid to commit in case she died young and her mother in law who really was like a mother to her, thought the same. Your son is older but the loss of a parent is dreadful. I sincerely hope he takes advantage of any help he's offered. That's me rabbiting on again.....so goodnight and take care.
Posted: Mon May 08, 2017 11:31 pm
Hi Vee hope Allen is having a better week , I know what you mean about the eating issue ,I used to have nightmares about that and feel I was failing Pete and if he didn't eat I got caught up in all the " can I make you this can I make you that " and I now know his appetite was something that I couldn't control and it may have been easier on him if I had just went with the flow. I am glad you enjoyed your girls day out you need it caring on a 24 hour basis is very tiring. It was good to catch up with your posts again and it feels good to be among friends . I hope Allen has rallied again and you take care
Posted: Tue May 09, 2017 7:45 pm
Hello Elaine....so glad you're back on the forum to keep in touch.
I've just seen Marmalade's response so must reply to that......since I posted Allan has decided to accept a zimmer and a frame around the toilet. We're waiting for the physio to get in touch re these items. Allan had a good chat with the gp about worries of what will happen in the later stages and she explained openly about what will probably happen but , of course, everybody's decline is different. He said he felt better for talking to her. I'm so pleased we have a good gp.
Will post on your thread Elaine
Love Vee xxx
Posted: Tue May 09, 2017 10:21 pm
It seems as though Allan has a good relationship with your GP and she sounds very caring. I'm glad he's decided to accept some assistance with a zimmer and frame for the loo. It will help him to hang on to his independence for a bit longer.
After I had some heart surgery the hospital lent me a frame for the bathroom because I had stitches from my chest to the top of my legs and you have no idea what a help the frame was. I was able to look after myself without having to ask for help to get up from the loo. Just a small thing, but it made a huge difference. It was the Occupational Therapist who arranged it all for me and the hospital delivered it and assembled it too, and collected it when I was OK again.
We went to the clinic this afternoon for a regular pre-chemo appointment, and the Nurse Specialist asked Peter how he was. "Absolutely fine", he said. He had evidently forgotten the list of complaints that he'd been reciting all the way to hospital !
You take care of yourself.
Posted: Wed May 10, 2017 8:15 am
Hi Mo....I meant the OT not the physio. Don't know why I said that! It's a beautiful day here and hope it's the same for all..and as for Peter saying he's fine, well, this seems to be a man thing. I have to prompt Allan to get him to speak to the professionals and then I feel as if I'm putting words into his mouth but it's only what he's been telling me!
Posted: Wed May 10, 2017 9:53 am
Hi Vee, Going through the thread its good to know of improvements. I hope Allan continues in the same, and its good to take fresh air with cancer less talk for a while to see the other side of life. Wish you positive times ahead.
Posted: Wed May 10, 2017 10:50 am
Hi raun and thank you for your good wishes
Posted: Thu May 11, 2017 12:52 am
Hi there was pleased to read that Allan has accepted the frame etc ....people refuse to accept the aids without realising how much they need them. On the other hand I guess it reinforces that you are unwell and would rather not face you need them. Thinking of you both. Take care
Posted: Wed May 24, 2017 5:19 pm
Just an update .....Allan is going into the local hospice tomorrow for a few days for symptom management. He's been very down and his mobility is poor despite the zimmer frame but his feet and legs are swollen and heavy. He started an antidepressant but he became very confused and then had a fall in the bedroom. I turned my back to gather up his clothes and towels and he was on the floor. I managed to get him up with help from my neighbour but it knocked him for 6 all that day. The GP took him off them for a week and the confusion has gone. We've had many tears, on and off, because he says his head is "cabbaged" and he's said that he wishes it was over. He's sleeping lots but sits up every few hours for a while. Will let you all know if there's any progression with his mood.
Love Vee xxx
Posted: Wed May 24, 2017 10:01 pm
Loads of love Vee...I hope the hospice can sort his symptoms out. Keep an eye on his legs...Nige's started weeping they were that swollen. It's great that he can sleep...Nige couldn't get comfy at all to sleep and it made him very grumpy indeed.
Posted: Wed May 24, 2017 10:06 pm
So sorry to hear that Vee, but slightly relieved too because it takes some of the responsibility off your shoulders. Poor Alan. Let's hope that the specialist nurses will make him comfortable. Is the hospice fairly close to you ?
Thinking of you.
Posted: Wed May 24, 2017 10:45 pm
Hi Veema and Mo. .....I'm hoping that the swollen legs and feet will be managed better in the hospice as he has a huge blister on the top of one foot which the DN has put a see through type dressing on but warned us of leakage if it bursts.
The hospice is only about 15-20 minutes drive depending on traffic. It's probably only about 4 miles but accessed by a busy ring road. I went to have a look around it last week and it's a lovely place as far as these places can be. Everyone was welcoming and it was very tranquil with gardens all around being tended by volunteers.
Mo, you're spot on with the lessening of responsibility. For a few days I'll just be visiting but not hands on and I'm looking forward to that. I just hope they can lift his mood somewhat.
Love to both Vee xxxxx