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Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:44 pm
by stepuha
I am so sorry for your loss, Fiona. Thinking of you and your son and wishing you strength. xx

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:30 pm
by Proud Wife
Dear Fiona

I am so very very sorry for your loss. So quick, I'm sure you'd not even come to terms with the diagnosis itself. We all beat ourselves up asking what if.... etc. Please let me try and reassure you when I say it probably wouldn't have made much difference - as you quite rightly stated, it is a bastard disease and I can only assume Phil must have had a very, very aggressive version to take him so quickly. My husband vomited black stuff at the end too, you can be 99.9999999% certain it was old blood and nothing else.

Please remember you are amongst friends here, although we like to refer to ourselves as forum family. Anytime you need to offload or just talk about how you are feeling, there will always be someone here who knows what you are going through sadly enough. My son was 20 when his beloved dad passed away 8 months ago so I can only begin to imagine how your son my be feeling.

As Elaine has said, please do let us know how you are getting on, if you can face coming back onto this forum.

Wishing you strength xxx

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:55 pm
by Proud Wife
Just pushing this thread up to the top so it doesn't get overlooked x

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:47 am
by fionaw
Thanks to everyone who's responded. What of course is the follow-on nightmare is the admin juggling act which makes you feel you're barely thinking of your partner you're so busy with phone calls etc...... then some little thing will happen, or you'll think 'oh that's ok I'll ask Phil' ........... oh shit.

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 12:39 pm
by jay
I am so sorry Fiona.
Thinking of you.
love Jayne
x

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:39 pm
by Veebee
Fiona. ..I've just read your thread. You must be feeling as if you've been hit with a sledgehammer. I'm so sorry for your loss and the terrible speed of this dreadful cancer. Best wishes to you and your son. xx

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 5:20 pm
by RLF
So sorry to hear of your loss and just how rapid it was! Hope you and your son can get some help to make thing as easy as possible for you both. Once again I'm really sorry
Rob
X

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:30 am
by PCUK Nurse Jeni
Dear Fiona,

We are so very sorry to hear of your loss so fast - and I would like to express our sincere condolences on behalf of the nurses on here, and the wider charity.

As others have said, it was so good that you were able to get back home quickly, to be with Phil, and that he had some moments of being able to hold your hands etc....

I think the others have also said it all in terms of not being hard on yourself - it was clear that Phil was quite unwell from early on, and you did all that you could, considering the difficulty of your logistics, and looking after your son also. Its extremely difficult when you live in a different country.

Please do know that we are here for you should you need to contact us at all over the coming weeks. As are your wonderful "forum family".

Kind regards,

Jeni.
Jeni Jones
Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse
Support Team
Pancreatic Cancer UK
email: support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk
support line: 0808 801 0707

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:28 pm
by fionaw
Thank you Jeni - I know what you say is logical but for some time to come I will continue to worry-wart about how I should have pushed him to be more pro-active. But hey I understand the need to NOT do that.
Today I've finally managed to make contact with someone in his family, and also received a call (at Luton Airport) from the medical examiner just running past me whether I was ok with his determined cause of death being metastases of carcinoma of the pancreas. Since I saw no benefit in suggesting it might have been the pneumonia I said 'yes of course'. I'm now back in the UK, to pick up the death cert., get on with admin etc. Our son is in Spain, staying with a friend, finally going back to school (not so much because of his Dad's death as that school was closed for storm/flood damage) ... he will be over on Saturday, his birthday (was to have been the last one with his dad.......)so many regrets, so much time.....

Re: New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting tomorrow

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:47 pm
by Marmalade
Dear Fiona,

It is dreadful for you, and no one can wave a wand and make it better. That is something only time can mend and cannot be hurried. I know what you mean about the admin and arrangements, everything goes by in a blur. Then there is the exhaustion of dealing with things and well, just coping, or not coping. There is a lot on your shoulders right now so I hope that Phil's family and yours and friends will rally round. If people genuinely offer to help, let them. I know how awful I felt and still feel having had 40 good years together so my heart breaks for you and your son who have lost so much so early. Somehow we do all get through it, I'm not sure how but we do and so will you.

You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers

M xx