Page 1 of 4

Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:34 pm
by Justamo
started for Nina to post her news . . . and copied over from my thread. Hope everybody is happy with that !

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:37 pm
by Justamo
(Posted by Nina this morning)

Hi firstly I'd like to say hi to every one - I'm Nina.

We had the devastating news on Wednesday that my dad has pancreatic cancer which has spread to the liver, lungs and lining of the stomach. As you can imagine our lives have been turned up side down.

They have said they can only try chemo to prolong life at a mild dose. Next week, he's going for a biopsy. They might have said what it was to determine, but I didn't hear the answer.

Right - a bit about my dad. His names Bill, he is 70. He's worked all his life. Very very fit and healthy man. In 1997 he had a heart attack had a bypass. Got over that and again led a very fit and healthy life until 8 weeks ago when he became ill. He's had his own garden allotment for 40+ years and always had dogs so always walked for miles with them. He had 3 kids altogether my self and 2 brothers, and 3 grandsons. We're all coping in different ways. I have to and need to be strong for my 2 sons (name removed - moderator) - he is 26 and (name removed - moderator) - he is 14.

I realise whats happening and know whats going to happen, so I'm being the hard person. This is my coping strategy. This I think I learnt from working in care homes for 20+ years when i was younger. My mums not coping well, not eating, not looking after her self. She's still in shock I think. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

Take care
Nina xxxx

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:52 pm
by Justamo
Hi Nina, welcome to Planet PC. None of us want to be here, but we're all grateful for our 'safe' place.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I can understand your coping strategy and youe concern for your mum. She really needs some support, and I wonder if you've spoken to the MacMillan nurses ? Or is there a hospice in your area ? There's all sorts of help available for families, and when Marmalade posts on this thread (which I just know she will) I'm sure she will mention the different kinds of help that she and her Louis received. Have a look for her thread under Family, friends and carers. It's called 'Our journey without chemo'. Veema has very recent experience too, and she'll have plenty of advice for you. Lots of people know exactly how you are feeling.

I don't think you're a 'hard one' at all. I think you are a very caring and loving person trying to look after the whole family including your boys, but you need support yourself, too, so I'm glad you've found this forum. You'll get all sorts of help here.

Speak again soon,
Love, Mo

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:01 pm
by yanina
thanks for this as i couldnt find my post and didnt know hoow to do this xxx. dad as come home tonight. im happy hes home .. but im also scared ...feel as if its all become so real/final and now we just been left to get on with it.. i know its not as we will have the support of mcmillan ect. dad looks so well its unreal.. and hes pretty up beat. mums been lauhing today wich im glad about. we broke the news to his brother yesterday .. hes coming to see him on tuesday. mums as a concern and doesnt know how to address it to dad. she needs to know if hes as life insurance, but shes scared to ask .. i think shes begining to realise whats happening.they aint any any benifits so wont get any help. but were sorting that out monday. so hopefully they will. im not crying as much now .. ive come to realised whats been told and whats going to happen. big hugs to ech and every one of you xxxx

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:24 pm
by Justamo
Hello Nina.

I'm really not sure about the life insurance thing. I know that Marmalade and her husband had a discussion shortly after he was diagnosed, where they sorted out all sorts of details, and after that they didn't talk about the cancer at all.

If your mum feels that she can't ask him about it, I wonder if his brother would speak to him ? Perhaps another forum member will come up with an idea. Macmillan might be able to advise on benefits too, even if you think you aren't due anything. Your Dad's mood might go up and down a bit while he is still coming to terms with this awful diagnosis but it's good to hear that he's upbeat today, and nice to know that your Mum has been laughing.

Stay strong Nina, we are all with you.

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:34 pm
by Veema
copied over from Mo's thread

Hi might want to start your own thread then things don't get confused with your story and Mo's...

Sorry to hear about your Dad...he's got it exactly where my husband had it just before he died. I hope they can try treatment if that's what he wants. Watch out for fluid build up in his abdomen as we were told it was the liver mets and the spread to the lining of the abdomen which caused this in my husband and it was very uncomfortable.

Whatever your Dad decides, we'll be here for you all the way, but don't think he's giving up if he decides on no may well be more about quality of life now rather than quantity. Get the palliative care team on board if you haven't already as they will be a huge help.

Much love


And just to add following on from your last post...I think your Dad will be entitled to some benefits (think it's attendance allowance for over 65 year olds) and also a blue badge...if you've got Macmillan on board, they will be able to advise you on this.

You've just got to make whatever time he has left the best you can.


Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 1:07 pm
by sandraW
Hi Nina, welcome to this place where no one wants to be but where you will get lots of help and support, I see my fellow posters have sorted out your thread for you already, it is much easier to find you when you have your own thread.
It is perfectly normal to be scared, its all so very frightening, its also okay to be aware of the outcome too, that's how I coped to be honest.
Whether or not your Dad decides on treatment is his decision, hopefully he will get good advice from his doctors, as they are the ones who really know what is going on, Marmalade's advice about palliative care is great too with this roller coaster of a disease.
You Dad will be entitled to AA as Veema said, get Macmillan to apply for you, as your dad has a life limiting illness it will be immediate and back dated to the date you applied, also the blue badge is a great help even if its not necessary now it's good to have it in reserve, Mum might also get a small carers allowance too, it all helps as there well might be extra expenses to cover with hospital visits ext.
I hope you dad gets some good news regarding his treatment, take care sandrax xx

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:39 pm
by yanina
afternoon. been to see dad at home this afternoon. seemed ok. hes got his opointment for his biopsy on thrusday,they told him he will be there 5 hours just hope all goes well. he way saying he feels as hes got trapped wind as he can feel his stomach rumbling, but i think he's confusing it with pain and when this happend he doesnt look good and he as to take some really deep breaths

in febuary of this year we all booked a family holiday to ibiza for may next year, obviously dad can not go. i went and spoke to travel thursday and she told me my options. if dad is well enought in febuary next year my self my husband and 2 boys will be stil going. if dads ill then we will devere and go at a later date.

my self and younger brother as said we dont ant to know how long dad as left with us. but mum as said something tonight witch as led me to belive its not long... she didnt do intensionally and i dont think she knew wat she had done. we was discussing about mum being on her own when we go away, and she said ... "I COULD COME WITH YOU AND GO FOR YOUR DAD" do you think she was saying dad wont be here com may next year?

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 6:23 pm
by Marmalade
Hi Nina,

Getting this news is a shock and all sorts of things come into your head, holidays, symptoms, what other people mean by what they say, money worries and so on. Everything is confused. It takes a few days for things to settle. I wouldn't read anything into what has been said.

Life expectancy can be very difficult to predict. Some on here have died unexpectedly and others have beaten the odds by a considerable margin.

You or your Mum or Dad need to ask the specialist nurse at the hospital for form DS1500 to be sent to Macmillan Finance or to you so you can send it. They will then telephone you to fill it in over the phone most likely and will submit the claim. Attendance allowance for a life limiting condition is about £82 per week and comes through quite quickly. They will also speak to you about what else might be available.

Encourage your Dad to speak to his GP about palliative care as this is not just about end of life, but carers courses, dietary advice, coping with a life limiting condition, symptom relief, respite care and lots of other stuff including conversations with your Dad about what he wants to happen to him now, and in the future. They provide trained staff who can answer questions and listen to your Dad's worries in confidence and get resources for him when he needs them.

Your dad is going to struggle to digest food as his pancreas cannot work properly and this will cause him discomfort, sometimes worse than others, a wheat bag or hot water bottle can help with that. An enzyme called Creon will help with this and is often prescribed with Ometprazole or similar drug. Speak to the nurses on here about amounts as GP's and general nurses and dieticians don't always prescribe enough.

Try and encourage your Dad to keep up exercise and eating until you get some results back as the fitter he is the more easily he will tolerate chemo and other treatments, but don't nag. Sometimes they simply can't.

The biopsy is to discover the type of cancer which will determine the treatment to some extent. The operation does not take 5 hours, it's quite quick but there are forms to fill in before hand and a blood test, and, as he will have been sedated he will need to spend a bit of time resting quietly afterwards on the recovery ward. You may get an answer there and then or you may have to wait several days, depends on the type of cancer and the hospital. Your Dad's biopsy and other test results will be reviewed by a specialist cancer centre if your hospital is not one in something called and MDT (Multi Disciplinary Team). This is to make sure that all hospitals large and small get access to specialist resources.

Only your Dad's doctors will be able to discuss treatment options because only they have all the information and his medical history. You are entitled to a second opinion if you feel you need one and the doctors will not mind if you do.

The main thing for now is to ensure that your Dad gets help for his discomfort via his GP or the hospital then he will feel stronger to deal with tests and other decisions.

Much love to you,

Marmalade xx

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 7:08 pm
by yanina
evening all. been to mum and dads for sunday lunch today. mum had said dad didnt have a good nights sleep as his sleeping tabs didnt work. dad took its out on mum thats he'd been away since 1am. mum said why didnt you call me in i would have come( they sleep in seperate rooms mum snores )dads frustration and anger is coming out more and more and mum is getting the full force of it
( we did know this would happen ) i told mums its not personal and to let it go over her head and that he does love her, and to remember that. after dinner me and my hubby took mum to asda for a break , and to do a bit of xmas shopping.

she enjoyed the break. mum spoke to district nurse when she came about dads pain, she explain its coming from the pancreas, so shes told him to get gp out to get some pain relife sorted, to phone mcmillan and to ring specialist cancer nurse up from hospital, who will also come out and see mum and dad.

im off to do mums shopping tomorrow for her. ive got hubby's family coming tomorrow and my nephews to collect christmas gifts. looking forward to it, but on the other hand im not.

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 2:58 pm
by Justamo
Hello Nina, how are things today ?

Love Mo

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 8:31 pm
by yanina
hi Mo
sorry not been about ive been so busy helping mum with dad, and doing her shopping ect.

what can i say christmas was not the same and will never be the same again. dad had no idea bless him he was asleep on and off all day.
dad hardly ate anything had his breakfast and a small amout of his christmas dinner. he didnt have any tea.
was heart breaking to see. boxing day was pretty much the same not eating much and drinking little.
dads started renching/feeling sick, but hes brining nothing up.hes been given anti sickness tablets.
things have strted to take its toll on me, i feel run down stressed and i keep having mild dizzy spells.
we have had no support from anyone since dad came out of hospital. mcmillan have not been intouch to offer support advive on benifits ect ive had to do it all.

only people we see daily are the DN who come to give dad his injections.
if im being honnest i dont think hes got long left .. in the last week and half he as gotten worse.
nina xxx

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:43 pm
by Elaine123
Hi Nina I am sorry to hear about your Dads diagnosis. I think Petes diagnosis was just about 2 weeks before your Dads. I know just how you feel , scared , shocked and unable to take it all in. We had the same Xmas and Boxing Day as you did. Pete just slept on and off all day and refused to eat as he plain and simply cannot seem to want to eat. As you say Xmas will never be the same again. Pete is due at the cancer care centre tomorrow for blood tests for his chemo to commence on Thursday but after the bad day he has had I don't even see him managing to go. He had pinned all his hopes on chemo and I don't see it happening. Keep in touch and keep strong

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:52 pm
by Justamo
Poor Nina, it sounds awful. You really need some help for yourself, too.

Have you contacted Macmillan for help? Has the specialist nurse from the hospital been in touch ? I think you probably have to approach them, and with the Christmas holidays there's bound to be fewer staff available.

I expect other forum members will give you better guidance, but I think you should get in touch with the GP tomorrow and ask for antisickness medication. Continual retching must be causing additional pain and there must be appropriate medication available. I think you need to get some help first yourself too. Has Dad been referred to a palliative care team ? Is there a local hospice ? A hospice would certainly direct you to a source of help for you and your Mum.

I am really sorry sorry things are so hard for you. You sound so stressed and my heart just goes out to you. Try to stay strong, you're doing really well and keep posting on here.

Love, Mo

Re: Nina's Dad

Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 9:02 am
by Veema
Oh really is awful. I think you have to be referred to Macmillan...we were, but we don't have Macmillan in the community here, we have hospice nurses...our Specialist nurse at the hospital referred us, but would imagine the GP can do that too. They should then come out to see you and will be there for as much or as little as you need them, the will also liaise with everyone which takes the pressure off you a bit...check that a referral has been done.

Nige retched and belched all the time although didnt feel sick and nothing could stop it, but that was in the last few was horrible for him and something that really got on my nerves, bless him...I know he couldn't help it.

You do get a feeling when it's close to the just seem to know. Do you have a hospice local? Our hospice does hospice at home so you can have the care, but in your own home, might be worth checking out your local hospice if you have one.

It is really tough...and you feel like you've got to do and sort out everything, but it is really important to look after yourself too. I hope you can get Macmillan on board.

Lots of love