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Posts: 826
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:31 am

Darling Mo, a couple of things just in case they are of use. Rob had 2 cats. One was brought in 2 days before he died and the other the day before. I’m not sure Rob was aware of them but they both chose to sit quietly on his bed which was frankly most unlike them. Secondly and this tends to happen more with younger people and Rob was 50, he seemed to have trouble breathing at the end and they wanted to sedate him further but instead I asked for an oxygen mask and that immediately brought relaxation and peace. I knew they were indulging me and said he wouldn’t have been aware but that’s not what I saw and did the same thing for my first husband who was even younger at 37. So go with your instincts and ask whatever you think is right. Oh and don’t forget music. In those last hours the only thing Rob reacted to was his favourite song and the sound of a Diet Coke can being opened As he was a life long addict. I even smeared a little on his lips even though he was essentially unconscious. All of us us who have gone before you Mo are holding your hand and although it has made me cry, it’s a lovely thought that he will soon be reunited with your little one. With much love, Didge xxx

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Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Wife&Mum » Sat Jan 06, 2018 9:22 am

Love and e-hugs Mo. Wish I was there to give you a real hug. You and Peter are never far from my thoughts.
W&M xx

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Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby sandraW » Sat Jan 06, 2018 10:30 am

Mo, just to let you know I am thinking of you, sending more (((hugs))) to you both love sandrax xx

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Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veebee » Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:12 am

Dear Mo.....I'm thinking of you both. xxxxx

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Joined: Thu May 18, 2017 8:51 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby AndAde » Sat Jan 06, 2018 12:07 pm

Even more cwtches Mo.

I love the changing trains thought, and shall keep it with me xx

Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Marmalade » Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:29 pm

Well done Mo, you got him to the right place and you can rest from caring now and be his wife. You could never let the side down so don't worry about the state of your clothes and hair. Have a tidy up if it makes you feel better and don't if it is too much effort.

Love to you all,

M xxx

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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2016 7:53 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby patrigib » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:53 am

Dear Mo,
I hope all this will be over very soon for Peter, and for you in a way. You've done all what's possible. It's so hard!
Lots of hugs

Posts: 475
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Justamo » Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:33 pm

All quiet on the hospice front. Peter is waiting patiently for the next train, and the waiting room is so luxurious and comfortable - if Richard Branson ran it it would be called Rockstar - that he's quite content to bide his time.

His breathing is uneven, and a bit noisy, although the noise is mostly snoring and something I've listened to for the past 46 years or so. This morning I played him some Glen Campbell and Neil Diamond tracks. In the past I've always maintained that playing this music constituted unreasonable behaviour on Peter's part but I'm prepared to overlook it in the circumstances. Not sure if it got through to him or not, so then we had some Andrea Bocelli but that didn't have any apparent impact either.

Boris is a bit edgy. Unsurprising really. There is a time to dance and a time to weep, and yesterday wasn't dancing. I howled for ages once I got home and Boo's lovely white coat was sodden. And can somebody explain to me why I bought a Big Mac at 11.30pm ? I don't even like Big Macs, I always have a Happy Meal. It was as though I was on automatic pilot, through the drive-in, order a Big Mac, drive home. Anyway, I didn't eat it. And onions are quite poisonous to cats so Boris wasn't even in the frame for late night munchies.

Peter had the most awful night sweat last night, judging by the t-shirts in the washing bag. So the PC continues to manifest itself - I don't know why I expected the symptoms to vanish really. Today the nurse was telling me that the first night that Peter was here he wanted to go out, and got mildly stroppy when he was prevented from opening the patio doors, so they switched the alarm on. Long ago I had threatened him with a high-security care home with high fences patrolled by security men with vicious dogs as soon as I found a toy-boy, so that made me smile a bit. He would have found it funny too.

This morning I woke from my semi-permanent doze to have the date 9/1/18 running through my mind. Not sure why - it may have been a hospital appointment or something. Nothing on the calendar though.

I have kept Peter's son up to date with developments, but I can't type fast enough on this stupid little Google keyboard to report the latest conversation. I will once i fire up the desktop PC.

Will stop for now. Perhaps I'll make some tea in the visitors kitchen and eat the breakfast I bought with me. Your support has been tremendous. Thank you.


Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Marmalade » Sun Jan 07, 2018 2:11 pm

Darling Mo,

The words will not come through the tears, I am reliving these days with you but I remembered this poem which says it all really.
We who have kept vigil are all walking beside you and we hope our prayers hold you up when you are too exhausted.

Let us come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let us take your hand.
We, who have known a sorrow such as yours,
Can understand.
Let us come in -- We would be very still
Beside you in your grief;
We would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears can bring relief.
Let us come in -- We would only breathe a prayer,
And hold your hand,
For we have known a sorrow such as yours,
And understand.

God bless you all, give you a good day, and grant Peter a safe passage whenever he is ready.

M xx

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Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:35 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veema » Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:48 pm

Yes...it does bring it all back, although Nige went very quickly at the end. We know the sadness you feel and there will be many more tears to come...Boris will have to get used to it, I'm afraid.

You do sound much more like the Mo we're used to today...the rest has paid off. I hope Peter stays as he is...he may well have heard the music, he's just too weary to respond.

Holding your hand in a virtual fashion Mo, and sending love.


Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2017 4:31 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Veebee » Sun Jan 07, 2018 5:45 pm

Hello Mo...I love the train analogy. It perfectly describes the awful period that you and Peter are going through. You're in my thoughts and I wish you strength for the next stage of Peter's journey.

Love Vee xxxx

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Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Didge » Sun Jan 07, 2018 6:31 pm

I think normal behaviour can go out the window. I remember stopping late at night on a deserted motorway slip road because a guy had pretended to break down. He tried to persuade me to give him money in exchange for his watch. I would never have done something so stupid normally. I’m willing you mental strength to get through the time ahead. I sometimes felt it was like permanently holding my breath. Assume Peter can hear even if he can’t respond. Sending lots of love as always xx

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Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:06 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Quickasyoucan » Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:01 pm

Mo, Marmalade's poem says it all. Thinking of you from across the world. Xx

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Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby sandraW » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:06 am

Mo, you do sound more like the usual Mo, but we don't mind which Mo we get we love them all.
I am just glad to hear that Peter is more settled now, I am so glad you have Boris,his warm furry body will be such a comfort to you. Marmalade that poem was beautiful, thank you. Sending yet
more hugs Mo and we are all there with you love sandrax xx

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Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

Postby Dandygal76 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:24 am

Hey Mo,

I am glad that Peter is in a place of caring and help. My dad did not suffer pain or sickness in the end - it is amazing what they can do. The only thing I found distressing was the way he breathed and seemed to be gasping for breath / laboured noisy breathing and my dear Marmalade helped me on the night with that one. Dad was not aware and when I took a proper peek as M suggested it was apparent he was not aware. Dad did get a little agitated a couple of hours before he died and the staff were ready for that and sedated him big time and it kept everything very calm. It was peaceful with that sedation. I was adamant about fluids until the end - if the end is inevitable I did not see why he should be thirsty as well and he seemed much more rested with fluids. Dad did not have oxygen like with Didge but I didn't think about to be honest.

I truly believe my dad chose his time to go. I had taken my eldest home and we had set the alarm for 2am to take over from my sister to be with mum. I heard a beep on my phone on route and he had died when I was 2 minutes away. I was there for my mum but not with him at the end and neither did I want to be. I didn't even go into the room until I went back there 4 hours later on my own after I changed my mind (they must be used to that because he was sill there waiting and the staff were lovely).

I think what I am trying to say in all the waffling is that there are no rights and wrongs - whether staying there, staying home, taking the cat, not taking the cat, sedation, not sedation.... etc etc. There are only your answers. As M said to me - time enters a new dimension and they are not really aware of what is happening so look after yourself.

My kids were actually so sick of Macdonalds and take out before and after dad died the eldest actually started to learn to cook! I must have spent hundreds and hundreds of pounds on take out rubbish. They even went with pre packed sandwiches from the local garage for their school lunches. I was a bad mother.

Much love and may this time be peaceful for you both.