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Proud Wife
Posts: 740
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Proud Wife » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:48 pm

Hi Shelda

I am really upset to read your update. I wish I could offer you words of wisdom but all I can do is pledge my support. I can't tell you how sad I am to hear of your mum's decline.

I have had some amazing support from some really lovely kind people but most have already lost their loved ones. I think it's fair to say you are the first person I've connected with that is now moving towards the end of their journey although as Sue says, there are so many twists and turns, your special Mum may well surprise you yet!

All I can say is, speaking from the heart, I hope your mum does not suffer a lot more and is comfortable. I just feel your pain, especially for your mum and of course your Dad as well as you and your family.

You will be in my prayers tonight xx

shelda
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:41 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby shelda » Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:22 am

Thank you sue & Catherine, well considering yesterday they said mum probably wouldn't come round again she did, we've managed to get her into a lovely hospice this afternoon and it's so peaceful and calm there I feel easier this evening. Dr's keep reiterating she's not going to improve but I tell you what she's not going anywhere without a fight, she's had a couple of little conversations asking was she in the poo without a shoe but we think she meant up shit creek with out a paddle!!! She has asked a couple of times could she go home and was she dying :-(
Someone definitely has it in for us though as my poor dad had to be rushed to hospital this morning (he'd only just gone to have a quick shower) with a dvt!!! Honestly never rains but it pours!!!

PW, I totally get where you are coming from I almost feel I'm chatting to my aunty with you I will ask for your details so I can private message you, thank you for praying for us we could definitely use some help. Hope all is okay with proud hubby's chemo treatment...so unfair we are all going/gone through this dreadful disease xxxx

boa
Posts: 131
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby boa » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:59 am

Shelda, so pleased your Mum is in a lovely hospice. She will be very comfortable there. So sorry to hear about your Dad. Keeping you in my thoughts. I hope you find your Mum peaceful today.
Catherine

sandraW
Posts: 1039
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby sandraW » Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:58 am

Shelda, Sorry to hear your dad is now not well too, I hope he improves soon, as you say it never rains but it flipping pours down.
Glad to hear you have got Mum into the Hospice they certainly are amazing places, and as you say you can relax a bit more now, as you know she has people there 24/7 should she need them, and just spend quality time with your Mum. She seems a strong lady, and lets hope she surprises the Drs with her fight back.
Our loved ones seem as though they make their own minds up when they leave us, the Drs can only read the charts and look at the test results, and give us their views, they told me Trevor would die a full 8 days before he finally passed.
Sending you love and strength for the next step in this awful journey, sandrax xx

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1085
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Thu Apr 28, 2016 1:15 pm

Hi Shelda,

So sorry to read your recent update about your mum.
Very hard for you - I remember the first email you sent on the day she was diagnosed.


Its great that she has been moved out of the "hectic" environment to the peaceful surroundings of the hospice - she will be well cared for there.

Thinking of you all.

Jeni,
Pancreatic Cancer Nurse Specialist,

Support Team.

Proud Wife
Posts: 740
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Proud Wife » Thu Apr 28, 2016 8:59 pm

Hi Shel

Stupid question, how are you today? How's things your end? What's this I hear now about your Dad? Is he still in hospital? That must be truly awful for all of you and I bet your Dad feels terribly frustrated that he can't be in 2 places at one time.

I would love you to make private contact. I have very little family and would love an adopted niece! Just ask the moderators to pass on your email address to me and we can natter day or night my lovely.

As hard as it is, keep up the spirit. Easier said than done I know and don't get me started tonight on how vile this disease is.

Hugs and kisses to you all xxx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Linda G » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:33 pm

Ah Shelda, so sorry to hear about your Mum. Its good that you managed to get her a bed in a hospice. You know she will be cared for in every possible way. The staff become like family and make you all feel loved as well as cared for. My thoughts are with you and your family. Wishing your Dad a speedy recovery .
Linda G
XXX

shelda
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:41 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby shelda » Mon May 02, 2016 12:42 am

Lying in the recliner next to my beautiful brave mum so I thought I'd touch base with my lovely brave fellow pc warriors. Mum is fighting with her all to stay here with us, she's relatively pain free I'd say 90% of the time but she's so uncomfortable and has terrible trapped wind. She has barely eaten or drank anything for 3 days now, she is wanting hugs and kisses everytime she manages to wake but bless her she is so weak she can't lift her arms round us, I feel like she can hear everything that is going on but doesn't have the strength to wake properly.
The staff here at the hospice are absolutely amazing, I can't believe the level of care for mum and also me, my dad and brother are receiving they truly are angels and I don't think I could ever thank them enough for what they are doing.
Cancer really is a cruel and relentless disease I'm so angry/sad watching what this disease is doing to mum. Considering the Dr in a and e thought she wouldn't see the week out or interact with us again, I feel so lucky she's been awake I've been able to say all I'm thankful for in having such an amazing mum who was also my best friend and thank her for all the precious memories I have from our life together, we've also had more cuddles and kisses than I thought we'd have a week ago.
This ticking clock feels physical, with every hour that passes it's an hour closer to being without her and it hurts, my stomach is in knots as I just don't know how I'll carry on without her, I know I have to for my own children but I'm feeling so much pain and it's getting harder to keep it inside.
My poor dad is really struggling, he thinks mum is upset with him for not taking her home I want to cry everytime I look at him.
I just wish if a person has to have cancer or any other terminal illness why can't it be pain free, no suffering but you get given an expiration date almost...so you can enjoy the time you have left, still eat, drink, remain mobile because watching mum suffer and become unrecognisable is so so cruel.
xxxshelxxx

Proud Wife
Posts: 740
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Proud Wife » Mon May 02, 2016 3:46 am

Hi Shel

So pleased you post, have been thinking of you and wondering how your mum was doing.

You keep talking to you mum, even though her eyes may be closed and you think she's sleeping, I'm sure she will be listening and hearing you. They say that hearing is the last to go.Your last paragraph has just brought tears to my eyes. So very very true.

Wishing you all strength during this horrible, horrible nightmare.

Lots of love
PW xx

boa
Posts: 131
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby boa » Mon May 02, 2016 7:25 am

Shelda! Thanks for posting. Though this is a very difficult time, it's also very peaceful from what you say. Try to reassure your Dad if possible because the way in which you describe things suggests your Mum is content where she is. Catherine

sandraW
Posts: 1039
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby sandraW » Mon May 02, 2016 11:16 am

Shelda, as PW says keep talking to your Mum, its all so hard and so scary but you will find the strength from some where to carry on I promise you will.
I understand exactly how your poor dad is feeling too, Trevor wanted to go home, but it wasn't possible for him either, I really do think she is in the right place, but I still regret not being able to bring Trevor home, please send your dad my love and tell him he is not failing his lovely wife in any way, sometime these things are just taken out of our hands.
sending a cyber ((hug)) love sandrax xx

Fifi

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Fifi » Mon May 02, 2016 12:37 pm

Hi Shelda,

Your post is so very raw. I know those feelings all too well. I too sat with my Dad all the time, I would just watch his chest rise and fall, we take life for granted. I knew I was never leaving that hospital until my Dad had passed away. I once read that grief could be a physical pain, and it definitely can.
Sounds like you have had precious moments with your Mum, and in time they will bring you comfort. I promise you that your Mum can hear you. She will know you are there and she will take great comfort in hearing your voice. Keep talking to her, she can hear you.
I understand how your Dad feels bless him, but sometimes there is nothing you can do. My Dad always told me he didn't want to die in hospital, and I tried so hard to get him a bed at a hospice, but by the time I did, they said he wouldn't be able to handle the stress, but it was my call. I kept him in the hospital. All I wanted was for him to be comfortable, and I was always there, so I hope that was enough. It is something I regret, but I hope he knows I had his best intentions at heart.
Cancer is cruel, and our loved ones don't deserve it. There is so many bad people in the world, and they get an easy ride.
As I have said times before, when my Dad first passed, a nurse put her arms around me and said " He only takes rhe best ". I just wish my Dad and your Mum wasn't one of the best.

Thinking of you and your family.

Leila xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Linda G » Mon May 02, 2016 2:27 pm

Hi Shelda, my heart is breaking for you reading your post from last night. It,s so hard to sit there and watch one you love suffer and disappear before your eyes. It seems hospice staff are fantastic wherever you are. Stewart (my husband) was in a hospice for three weeks before he died. We wanted to be at home and I felt so bad that we couldn't be. Before he went to sleep for his last 12 days we talked about it and we both realised we could not have managed his pain and other symptoms at home and accepted that the hospice was the next best place to be. Make the most of the time your Mum is awake and responding, it's lovely that you can tell her all she means to you and your family.I talked to Stewart constantly during his last 12 days and I have to believe he could hear me. It's good that your are with your Dad and children as you can support and help each other- love is love no matter what the relationship. My heart goes out to you all at this difficult time.
Regards
Linda G
XXXX

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1085
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Tue May 03, 2016 5:09 pm

Thinking of you Shelda.

Jeni.

Proud Wife
Posts: 740
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Feeling totally lost

Postby Proud Wife » Tue May 03, 2016 5:53 pm

Me too xx