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Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:47 pm

Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Charney22 » Sat Mar 22, 2014 8:30 am

Amanda I am so sorry to read your news, having lost Steve in February I know
The anguish you are feeling, my heart goes out to you

Xxxxxxx cheryl

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby EmmaR » Sat Mar 22, 2014 8:57 am

Dear Amanda ,
My heart goes out to you both when you said Phil is frightened my hubby said to me in his last days I'am afraid and very frightened but at the end in a lovely hospice he became very calm and his fear drifted away just be there for him tell him to have no fear because your love and strength will see him though his journey .. It will be hard for you but stay strong .

Love Emma x

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Didge » Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:02 pm

Amanda, I am sorry to hear the news but even now you can focus on the positive, that he is eating better, will not have the 'nervous' visits for treatment, and can still live each day as best, each day at a time. I know this is hard but the fact that the blood clots have not had much effect on him may give you some encouragement to live each day and take pleasure in each day you have. Your story resonated with me because my b/f is also 48, still having chemo, and it seems particular hard to have to deal with pc at such a young age. My husband died in his 30s from another cancer so I have been in this position before so am doubly thinking of you today and over the weekend. Lots of love Didge x


Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Fifi » Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:15 pm


To hear your loved one say they are frightened and don't want to die, is heartbreaking. I really feel for you, I know how that feels. Hope you can keep posting here. You're not alone and we will all support you the best we can. Take care. xx

( Didge, sorry you have lost a previous loved one to cancer, I really don't know how you are managing, I can't imagine having to do this again )

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Cathy » Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:24 pm

Hi Amanda

I don't think I can add to what the others have expressed so well. My partner died in a hospice and they were wonderful. For him this was the best place to be. It sounds like Phil is comfortable and must be feeling ok to be eating. I am sure you are cherishing each moment. If there is any comfort in thinking this, many are treading or have recently tread exactly the same path and are thinking of you

Lots of virtual hugs

Cathy xx

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby jay » Sun Mar 23, 2014 7:18 am

thinking of you both Amanda
Jayne x

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby belgrade » Sun Mar 23, 2014 5:30 pm

Hi Amanda,
I lost my husband to this disease last september so know what you are going through. You wonder how you cope, but you do. Take each day as it comes and try to make the most of the good times as these will form special memories in the future.
Thinking of you both,
Hilary x

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby J_T » Sun Mar 23, 2014 6:46 pm

Dear amanda, so sorry things are deteriorating for Phil. It is such a difficult time and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Julia x

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Birchen » Sun Mar 23, 2014 6:55 pm

Hello Amanda
I have not posted for some time but I to lost my husband to this dreadful illness on Christmas day. We as a family take great comfort from the fact that we were able to get Terry into our local hospice and we were with him all the time for the 5 days he was there. Terry told us he wasn't frightened of dying but just very sad at leaving us all. So many people on this forum have been through exactly the same thing but are constantly there for support if and when you need it. Thinking of you. Take care Lyn x

Carole McGregor
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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Carole McGregor » Sun Mar 23, 2014 9:49 pm

Amanda - I so hoped you wouldn't be in this position. So many of us have gone through the same nightmare recently with husbands who were all far too young to be leaving us so soon. Ironic isn't it that finally, Phil seems to be getting the care he deserves. All my love to you and your family. We'll be here for you when you are ready to post again.
Carole xxx

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby mogs » Mon Mar 24, 2014 12:44 pm

Dear Amanda,
My heart truly goes out to you. We are at the start of this horrific journey but I hope you find some inner strength to get you and your family through this difficult time. Sending love
Cara x

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby sandraW » Mon Mar 24, 2014 9:37 pm

Amanda just sending you cyber {{hugs}} take care sandrax

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby amanda45 » Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:21 am

Hi guys
I've very sad to report that we lost Phil on Wednesday morning 2nd April. He had a bad night and morning on the Monday/Tuesday, not being able to get comfortable in bed and coughing lot. By 3pm seemed much better and asked the hospice team to get him up into his wheelchair, he ate all his evening meal and seemed like the old Phil cracking jokes and taking the mick out of the nurses and his visitors. At 8pm he told me to go home and get some sleep as I had stayed the previous 2 nights and with the nurses moving him through out the night I had very little sleep. As he seemed much brighter I agreed and went home. The following morning at approx. 9am as I was organising to return I got a call from the hospice to say he had gone. I hurried up there in shock to find him in his bed looking as though he was just asleep. The nurse told me that he had had a good night and gave no indication that the end was near and when then woke him just before 9 for his morning meds he opened his eyes and smiled, the nurse then turned around to the medicines trolley to get his tablets and when she turned back he had died. As quickly as that. We at least can take some comfort that it seemed very quick and painless. The doctors later told me that is was probably the clot in his lungs. As the day carried on family n friends arrived, some went to see him and say goodbye some decided against it preferring to remember him as he was. The hospice team were as usual amazing keeping us stocked in a private family room just down the corridor with drinks and tissues etc. I am now wading through the organising process of his funeral and paperwork. At the moment I feel numb, I cried when I was with him on Wednesday but since I just feel sad and sick. We are in limbo waiting until the 14th for the funeral (the earliest date we could get). Everybody seems to tip toe around me constantly watching what I'm doing, sympathy cards are pouring through the door along with flowers but very few people actually knock or come in. I know that there is a massive wave of emotion inside me but I have build such a strong wall to stop it coming out over the last few months that if it breaks I think I will never recover. I don't want to upset the kids or Phils family that are all in bits so I continue to plod along with arrangements in the hope that I can get through the funeral and then maybe I will go away for a break by myself and see if I can start to unravel my emotions. Phil died 17 weeks from diagnosis but it seems more like 17 months as he went through so much. Thanks for listening over that time and all your support.

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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby Slewis7313 » Sun Apr 06, 2014 11:16 am

Dear Amanda, I am so sorry to hear Phil has succembed to this awful thing. It certainly has been a challenge for you both over the last 17 weeks, but good to know that the final stages were comfortable for him.

You will be in my thoughts over the coming days, please take care of yourself!


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Re: Lost in a nightmare

Postby J_T » Sun Apr 06, 2014 11:59 am

Amanda so, so sorry you have lost your lovely Phil. My very sincere condolences to you and all the family.

I can relate to some of your feelings/emotions but try not dissect the way you are reacting, just be.

Much love
Julia x