A forum for family, friends and carers of pancreatic cancer patients

Moderator: volmod

Forum rules
Please see the messages in our "Rules" section

The posts on this discussion board are made by members of the General Public and are not intended to constitute medical advice
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby J_T » Thu Jan 09, 2014 3:56 pm

Hi Mike, as ever a very thoughtful post.

Sorry to hear your wife is having a few problems too, goodness!

I understand how she feels but our mantra was always 'one foot in front of the other' and that was true while we were dealing with the illness and its still true now. There were times when I thought I could have run away, but very quickly the thought came that Ray couldn't run away, he had to deal with it and I was going to make sure I was with him all the way. We're only human so don't you worry about being grumpy from time to time, you're allowed and I'm sure your wife understands. It doesn't get any more stressful than this - for all concerned!

What you said about her not fully understanding your prognosis may be true I don't know. What I do know is that I had the conversation with Ray where I said 'I can see you in front of me, I can see that you are are unwell, but I still can't get my head around the awfulness of it, it just doesn't seem real!'. I think whilst the person is still there, although very ill in some cases, there's still that thing at the back of your mind saying 'nah! he's going to be fine'. Denial I suppose.

Anyway, enough of my rambles, I hope your tummy niggles have eased and you continue to be well.

KBO Mike!

Julia x

Posts: 197
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:06 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby EmmaR » Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:06 pm

Oh dear Mike as they say it never rains unless it pours .

I can seconded everything Julia said , where we get the strength from I am not sure but we do it's 7 weeks since I lost Jon the days are sort of ok the nights can be a sad time I have good family support as you know your wife will have but let's not go there ! We can do nothing but get up every day and be glad that we can see the another sunrise and sunset and have compassion for those worst off than ourselves and there always are ! the young ones on this forum fighting this awful bloody thing ,

I look at Jon's photo smile and say thanks for 51 years and off I go to take the youngest grandchild to school which we have done since he started 5 years ago ( the parents need to work ) when Jon was ill I couldn't do it , but started again this week and was rewarded with the biggest smile and his outstretched arms when I went to collect him ... But so wished his grandad was with me as he so often was unless he was playing golf oh I'm rambling again .

Mike I wish you and your wife what you always wish us Love and Peace

Take care EmmaR x

Posts: 513
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:29 am

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby nikkis » Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:40 pm

51 years, how wonderful Emma, but how much you must miss him having had all that wonderful time together,

Posts: 219
Joined: Fri May 03, 2013 9:39 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby Bee » Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:58 am

Hi all,

51 years, wonderful but as Nikki says you must miss him so much Emma x

Once again you all give such support.

Carole, I had a look at Winston's wish website there is some useful info on there. My kids are up and down but I think ok, as far as I can tell, but then I worry that maybe I am missing something, another turmoil of emotion . If you want to chat direct Carole just ask the nurses for my email, or can you message on here, anyone know?

Bee xx

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1111
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Fri Jan 10, 2014 1:53 pm

Hi all,

Just wanted to add my own thoughts to you all at such a time. Mike, you have a lovely way about you in your thoughts towards your wife.
Emma - beautiful image of your grandson greeting you with outstretched arms, and yes, as you say, a reward.
Bee, Sue, Julia and Carole - you are amazingly brave ladies. There isn't anything I can say to change anything, but just wanted to send a virtual hug to you all. (Carole your comment about the overpayment made me smile, I have to confess!)

Nikki, and others re work - I agree with you in that you have been doing your own "work", and as you say Nikki, there is never a time when you feel you can go back safely - especially the line of work you do. Bee - do not feel guilty, and as another poster said, go back when you are ready to, and not before that, otherwise, you will get there and end up having to come away again, as it will be so hard to cope (probably anyhow).

Take care all, and so great the support you give one another.


Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:20 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby cestrian » Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:25 pm

Thanks All

Your lovely remarks all very cheering and I'm pleased to say that both her GP and later hospital appointments went well with no major problems revealed so she is being referred to the local hospital's Memory Clinic.

After her afternoon hospital visit we joined my daughter, a couple of her friends and their assorted kids for an early supper - great fun all round and thoroughly enjoyed by both of us. The laugh came this morning when I was thanking my daughter and couldn't remember the name of one of the kids. Jo came up with it straight away so I think I may be taking her place at the memory clinic!!

Thanks again

Love and Peace


Posts: 197
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:06 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby EmmaR » Fri Jan 10, 2014 11:51 pm

Hello all as you can see still up and thinking ! After what I thought was a good week back on the school run with the grandson but tonight I am feeling tired ,weary ,weepy , and full of overwhelming sadness , I was with Jon since we were 15 & 16 and married him on my 19 th birthday two years later our daughter was born followed 3 years later by our son and in all this I sometimes forget how sad they are both feeling then I remember my mother always telling me you must show your children the way hide your feelings from them and appear to be the strong person they think you are and that it's what Jon and I always done for them we told them no mountain was unsurmountable ! but given the last few months I am having a few doubts about that .... But the phone rung and it was my daughter she said mam tomorrow is going to be a lovely day so do you feel up to one of Dad's favourite walks and the dog is so missing you picking him up on Saturday mornings to go for a walk so how could I say no ! so it her me her hubby and the dog off for a 6 mile hike hope my weary old bones are up for it and that Jon will walk along side us unseen ,unheard , in anyway but there with us every step of the way ..
Good night God bless
You all take care now
Emma R x
Last edited by EmmaR on Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 94
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 4:08 am

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby Sueba » Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:00 am

Hi all
Not been on the forum much recently,so just want to send hugs to all!
I'm still living hour by hour,as soon as I look forward I mentally collapse,so back to numbing my brain,
I seem to have a strange existence at the moment,autopilot looking after the boys but then waves of grief in between friends calling when the boys are at school.
I am too going through probate,Mick would be so annoyed!but now the next bombshell,an inquest at the end of the month,mainly because histology came back inconclusive!what else can be thrown at me!more grey hairs and wrinkles!
Bee- I haven't had a friends request off you I'm Susan Ba (can't write my full surname on here)and my profile photo is of me and Mick,I'm in a peach and white tshirt dress (it was the summer!)please look me up.
Carole- will email soon,have you sorted Facebook yet?my 13 year old doesn't talk about Mick much either,I'm feeling emotional as he's 14 on Tuesday,our first family birthday without Mick

Anyway keep on breathing!(as my friend says)

Posts: 219
Joined: Fri May 03, 2013 9:39 pm

Re: Taking the plunge!

Postby Bee » Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:35 am

Emma, I hope the sun shines on you this morning and you have a lovely walk, as you say with Jon with you each step of the way. Night times are so hard aren't they?

Sue, your existence sounds like mine ! As for probate, I need to get some advice as , no idea if I need to apply for it or not, as apparently it's not always necessary. My niece is a barrister so time for a phone call to her I think.
I have sent a friend request I think it's you(!), my first name is alison just in case you are looking for Bee !! Will be thinking of you on Tuesday x

Bee xx