My amazing Dad lost his fight

After fighting a hard battle since diagnosis in August my darling Dad lost his fight with pancreatic cancer this week and he died in the early hours of Wednesday morning. We are all completely devastated.

It had been a rocky couple of weeks as I have posted on my other threads here but in his last two days he started to vomit and bring up what appeared to be blood - it looked like coffee grounds. He also suddenly started to retain fluid - not only in his feet as he had been doing since starting chemo. It had crept up his legs into his groin and stomach area, the night before he died we called an out of hours doc who after liaising with the chemo unit over the phone inserted a catheter as his bladder had also started to retain urine.

The next day he was unable to get out of bed. The GP came in and after seeing how much he had deteriorated and how low his BP was thought it best he went into hospital.Dad wasn't keen but we promised him that no matter what we would have him home by the Thursday. He went in by ambulance at 5.30pm on Tuesday and we stayed with him until 10.30pm. While we were there Dad suddenly took my hand and squeezed it looking intently at me. I got a huge lump in my throat and although no words were spoken I felt it was as though he knew the end was near.

I was just home when I received a call from the hospital to say he had vomited quite a lot of blood which made them think he had bleeding in the gullet, they were going to give him a blood transfusion overnight but there was no need to come back up to hospital. Half an hour later at midnight I got a panicked call from my sister saying we had to get to the hospital urgently as he had had another massive bleed. We all rushed there but it was too late. We stayed in the relatives room with him to say our goodbyes and it was incredibly sad but very peaceful.

My only comfort is knowing he managed to stay at home throughout his illness and only spent a matter of hours in the hospital.

Funeral is next Tuesday the week before Christmas. I had joked with Dad that if he didn't make Christmas I would be setting a place at the table for him anyway and that is what we intend to do. To be honest I'd miss out Christmas completely but the kids - albeit all teenagers now - think we should carry on as normal.

Thank you to everyone who has shared this awful journey with me - to Debs, Sue, Jools, Laura, Paul and others and also to moderator Jeni - the support and encouragement from you all really did keep me going.

Eventually I would like to think I can come back here to offer support to the many who will be here after me.

In the meantime we intend to try to raise awareness of this terrible disease and even now are thinking of ways to raise money for research. To my mind the clue is to find PC early so an operation is possible - we need a way to check regularly, like the 3 yearly test we do at the moment for bowel cancer. Let's hope that medical science will come up with something soon. It's too late for my Dad but for myself and the generation behind me early detection has to be the key.

I wish you all a peaceful Christmas,

With much love,

Lulu xx

Hi lulu, I am so very sorry to hear of your dads passing. it is such a terrible disease, and so cruel how your dad went. I hope Tuesday goes as well.as it can for you.

my mum died on 30 December last year in the final run up to her anniversary now, I find that I take one day at a time, I have 3 small. children so want them to have a lovely Christmas but its difficult thinking back to what was happening last year.

your emotions will be all over the place, some days will be fairly normal, esp with a busy household, but other days it will hit you, even now nearly a year on, I have days that once I'm home from the school run I sit and cry.

I have gone down the fundraising route, its really helped me, I have raised about £1500 so far.

Take care of yourself. xxx

Dear lulu - I am so sorry to gear your sad news and I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. I can't understand how you're feeling at the moment but I know I will be going through the same emotions sometime in the future as my wonderful mum was diagnosed in July but we're lucky she's still battling on and will manage to join us for Xmas. Your dad is no longer in pain but I'm sure he'll be watching over you all at Xmas and will be happy that you're going to carry on and toast his memory with a glass or two. My mum doesn't know that there can only be one outcome to this and I think that's what's keeping her going. She's making plans for next Christmas already but I know this will be her last one as they've stopped her chemo as it's not having any effect on the tumour which has spread to lymph nodes and surrounding arteries. We should all raise a glass at Xmas to all those we have lost, their families and to each other for being silent but supportive friends on this site - it is a godsend having you all to share this awful journey with. Take care lulu, xx

oh lulu my dear, i am so so sorry to read your post, i have no words to make you feel better, but i am sure your dad knew how much he was loved, and that has to be good, i feel for you, with the celebrations that are just around the corner, you will find the strength from deep within, for your familys benefit. i will be thinking of you on tuesday, and hope it gives you some peace, i am humbled that you say we have been such a support to you, thank you lulu. love laura xxxx

I am so sorry to hear this Lulu. My heartfelt condolences go to you and your family. One day at a time, look after yourself, there are no rights and wrongs. Give your dad a brilliant send off and look back on his life with love and pride. Hugs to you and lots of love, Sue, xxx

Oh Lulu, I am so sad to read of your loss. Your dear dad will live on forever in your memories and I feel sure he will be watching over you. How great that he had such a supportive daughter in his time of need. Sadly, my Andrea is deteriorating fast. I fear we will not be far behind you on the next stage of this terrible journey. I send you my loving thoughts and prayers at this toughest of all tough times.

Big, big hugs Lulu,

Paul x

Dear Lulu

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. My Dad has recently been diagnosed so we are just beginning this dreadful journey!! It is such a disgusting disease and I too would like to do something to help raise awareness, especially early diagnosis which would make a huge difference!

Your Dad is at peace now, cherish those special memories and set that place for him at the Christmas dinner table.

Love and thoughts

Morwenna x

Dear Lulu

This is my first post , I am not very confident to write on forums but this site has been a great support to me and my family .

My dad to was diagnosed in late Aug , a fit 59 yr old who had only been to the doctors a couple of times in his life . He was being treated for a stomach ulcer and after a month of being in agony and my mother demanding a scan we found out such tragic news . My dad lost his brave fight against this vile disease on Weds morning . My dads funeral is this Thursday and we are all really in a state of shock . We to are now on a mission to raise awareness . I tried to send you a private message but don't know how to :-/ . My email is [removed as per board guidance and rules - moderator]

Thinking of you all

Gina

Dear Lulu,

I am so very sorry to hear that your Dad has passed away. Thank you for posting and letting us know the news especially at such an emotional time for you and the family.

On behalf of PCUK, and in particular the Support team, I would like to express our sincere condolences to you and your family at this time. Please do take care, and remember, you can still avail of our services at any time, so feel free.

Thank you for your contributions to the forums, and we hope the funeral arrangements etc...go as well as they can do.

Take care Lulu,

Best wishes, Jeni.