A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

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Postby DRAD3 » Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:22 am

I haven't written on the forum for a while but have followed everyone when I have had the chance and have always felt a strong sense of belonging to this amazingly loving community of friends. Some may remember me from my posts this time last year and it has been a long and difficult 12 months of my husband, Gary's, fight against this terrible disease. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy, hospital visits, hospital stays - it takes over your life, doesn't it? We have been strong as a family, I never realised how strong we could be. Gary has been an inspiration to me, never complaining, getting on with his daily battles, keeping the scary stuff to himself so that he didn't frighten our daughter. She had her 13th birthday last week and she is a typical teenager, so immersed in her own world, something I am grateful for ironically - she has been oblivious to most of it. We can't hide what is going on any longer though. In the last two weeks, he has deteriorated so much. I am now afraid to leave him for a second and had to tell my daughter that he may not have much longer. He is still at home and sleeps most of the time, eats next to nothing and is fading fast. We have fantastic support from our hospice at home nurse, family and friends but it still feels so very lonely and frightening. His 47th birthday is on 3rd May - he told me last week, when he was still able to make some sense, that he didn't think he would make it. I fear he may be right. Love and strength to all.

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Postby ali » Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:45 am

Thinking of you
Keep strong
Helen x

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Postby Daddysgirl71 » Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:41 pm

I'm thinking of you just now, we are in the same situation with my dad. 12 months since it all started and now rapid deterioration. Exhausted all the time, eating next to nothing and weak as a kitten..It's awful to witness! Take care
Suz xx

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Postby DRAD3 » Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:58 pm

Thank you Helen and Suz. I so feel for you Suz, it is so awful to watch our loved ones get worse and worse and feel so helpless. A whole new world of community palliative care has now opened up for us with hospice nurse and district nurses visiting and assessing and prescribing. Gary has slept all day, ate nothing, and he seemed really put out that another nurse was here to disturb, poke and prod him. He seems to just want everyone to go away. His friends are texting and ringing him and he's ignoring his phone. He doesn't even seem to know I'm there and gets annoyed when I ask him if he needs anything. I feel I have lost him already.

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Postby john27 » Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:09 pm

Hi Deb,

I have been wondering how you and Gary were doing for awhile now as you disappeared for a bit. Very sorry to read that Gary isn't so good, believe me I know how hard it is to watch someone you love fade away before your eyes. That's why my thoughts are with you now.

Whatever happens, you are not alone in this, everyone here knows...
One way or another we are all linked through this common enemy, so when times are dark, we are all here for you.

Love and best wishes

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Postby Drew » Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:25 pm

Hi Deb sorry I can't offer any comfort I know exactly what you are going through and nothing or anyone can make it any easier for you. Try and be strong for your daughter and Just be there for Gary.hopefully he is pain free .
I will be thinking about you and your family


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Postby laura » Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:39 pm

hello deb,what can i say, that hasnt already? my thoughts are with you and gary and your daughter, im sure gary knows your there, how could he not?, im sure he just wants you there, holding his hand, helping him, loving him, oh, how very very difficult, i so wish i could wave a wand for us all, my love to you, i so hope you have good support around you,
laura xx

daddys girl, this message is for you also, take care of you.
love laura xx

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Postby louiepc » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:57 pm

I'm truly sorry to hear about Gary. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Louie xx
Last edited by louiepc on Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Nardobd » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:59 pm

Oh Deb my thoughts are with you at this terrible time. I'm sure Gary knows you are there. I know that on his last day Ted knew when I wasn't in the room - even if I didn't say anything about leaving he got agitated if I wasn't beside him.

My love to you and your daughter.


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Postby DRAD3 » Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:36 pm

Thank you all for your kind messages. Gary had a fitful night. Talking in his sleep, suddenly sitting bolt upright, talking about things I didn't understand and becoming confused further when it was obvious I didn't understand! It was scary and no doubt terrifying for him. The nurse has been in this morning and said that the liver will be failing and the kidneys probably as well and the build up of toxins will be causing the confusion and agitation. She has prescribed something that will help. He is in no pain so am hoping these meds will also give him peace of mind. There are times in all the confusion when he returns. We had a lovely moment this morning when I was giving him his tablets, hugged him and told him I loved him - he smiled and kissed me very gently, so weak he can't put his arms around me - no words but what he did said it all. I knew he knew me, loves me and that he feels safe in my care and that's all that matters.
Love and strength to all.
Deb x

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Postby rachelqt » Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:59 pm

Hi Deb, very sorry to read about your husband Gary. So heartbreaking this illness. Your lovely moment this morning says it all and brought a tear to my eye. My prayers are with you and Gary...Rachel x

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Postby laura » Thu Apr 19, 2012 7:15 pm

dear deb, what a lovely moment, admist all the heartache, for you, something that no-one can take away from you. stay strong, my love to you laura xx