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NICOLA
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:09 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby NICOLA » Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:02 am

Thanks, Francis, Apparently Im being told maybe mum wasnt in that much pain, part of it could have been terminal restlessness or delirium. I dont know......hope your mums ok x

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1087
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:18 pm

Dear Nicola,

I am so very sorry to read about the death of your mum. Please accept my sympathies, as well as those of the charity, at this sad time.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby DRAD3 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:06 pm

So very sorry to hear your news, Nicola. As already said, don't torture yourself with if only's. You did the very best you could in an exceptionally difficult situation - how were you to know what would happen? Whatever you had decided, you would have wondered if it was right. My husband Gary was given a very high dosage of morphine on his last day and the nurses said that it would likely wear off during the night and would be topped up - he died before they returned and I did not have the chance to tell him I loved him one last time or tell him things he may have needed or wanted to hear. Had someone told me that he could still hear me and would be gone so soon, I would have sat with him and talked and talked and held him. I have to hope that everything I did before was enough. Your Mum is at peace now and be sure, she will be so very proud of you and she will have felt very loved and cared for. Try not to think too much of those last moments (I know that is difficult because they barge their way in a lot don't they?) and focus on all the wonderful positive times you shared and how brave your mum was as you have been. Take the strength you know you have and hopefully it will help you through the times ahead. Thinking of you and your family, Nicola. Remember we are here for you.
Love
Deb
x

NICOLA
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:09 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby NICOLA » Tue Aug 14, 2012 9:56 am

Thank you everyone, thank you Deb such helpful wordsxxx
Nicola

rachelqt
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:18 am

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby rachelqt » Tue Aug 14, 2012 10:21 am

Oh Nicola im so sorry to read about your Mam. My heart feels for you and I hope you get strength to get through all this. Your in my thoughts and prayers..Rcahel xx

francis
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:19 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby francis » Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:56 am

Hey Nicola how are you doing. I hope you have found comfort in what others have told you. I suppose it's a natural thing for us to question ourselves and ask "could we have done more?" It may be that as carer's and nurturers ourselves this is something that we just can't fix or make better.
We managed to go out for food yesterday all the family, she wasn't hungry as only taking one steroid every other day weaning off them and then the mac millian nurse is going to put her on another low dose anti psychotic drug to help with appetite ect. But she did manage to eat a small carvery. It is so sad to see her she is very thin now and has difficulty in walking as she has pain in the back of her leg due to muscle wastage due to the steroids, can't win can you?! She came out but I think she would rather have stayed home as she say's she is comfortable there. I really don't know what to do for the best, shall I stop keeping on for her to go out? Ive been noticing if i go into the toilet after her and she forgets to pull the flush that her wee has a strong smell and is orange. I haven't told anyone that, ive read that is a sign that the body is shutting down. We have chemo today and a scan on thursday. Last week they told us that her markers had gone down from 80947 to 40741 not sure what that means, it sounds good but she doesn't look better. She is very depressed and doesn't smile much anymore can't blame her really. Look after yourself Nicola, Ella, Helen and Racheal and everyone else living with this awful cruel disease xxx

Janp
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:13 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby Janp » Wed Aug 15, 2012 12:30 pm

Hi Nicola

Your story was one of the first I read when I found this wonderful site. I could feel you willing your Mam on every step of the way. You are an amazing person and you have nothing to regret about your time with your Mam. You did everything you could for yourself and for your Mam also. You were her voice. You knew her best and how could you have known her last hours would be so traumatic?
I hope I have your strength when the time comes for me. Sadly through your pain I can learn from your experiences and if I can help my Mum and ease things for her I can now.
Thank you for having the strength to share with us.

I am thinking of you and sending you my love and thanks.

Jan xxx

NICOLA
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:09 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby NICOLA » Wed Aug 15, 2012 5:01 pm

Hi Francis, Im doing ok, I dont know how I am doing so well when I have lost my best friend and mam, she meant the world to me, she was such a strong person herself she had a tough upbringing I think I have inherited her strength, I am greatful that there are so many jobs to do and arrangements to make keeping me busy. My dad asked me to check through her handbag yesterday a he knew she had money in there, I found some photos of me when I was little and some of my kids, it broke my heart. Francis you know and I knew we dont have long enough with our mums and I hope you are making the most of every minute as we did, near the end mum became to weak to get out of bed, her sisters came round and her friends and we still laughed and cried and talked about the good times, we got loads of old photos out. We never talked about her dying we could never talked about after we just enjoyed each day. Im so greatful for this. Be strong for your mum and just go with what she wants and make sure she has lots of support from the nurses xxx
Love Nicola xx
Thanks for your kind words Jan they really mean alot xx

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:38 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby louiepc » Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:49 pm

I am so very sorry for your terrible loss. Please try not to blame yourself or go along the "what if" road, easier said that done, I know. No one can predict what "the end" will be like, everyone is different, and you and your Dad did everything you could to look after your Mam.

My Mum had a very similar episode, 3 days before she died, I sat with her all night, breathing with her to get her through the pain, 5 hours I sat with her, having injections and none of them touching the pain. Eventually she had a very strong dose and it made her sleep. She didn't wake again.

You are going to have some extreme emotions and thoughts, try not to think too much, it will be a complete rollercoaster for a fair amount of time. If you ever want to talk, I am here, as are lots of others on this amazing site.

Love louie xxx

ucyocho
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:42 pm

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby ucyocho » Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:55 pm

Hi nicola,

Have just read through your story, so very sad. My mother passed away a week and a half ago in the same way as yours and I am torturing myself that they didn't get her pain relief right. They thought she had a few more weeks but she just suddenly went one minute she was playing with the children the next she suddenly panicked that she was dying.

I spoke to the hopsice nurse as was very worried but she told me it defintiely wasn't imminent but unfortuantely it was. We persuaded my father to stay overnight as I didn't want my mother waking up alone so we got a call about 5am to say to come in and she died at 8.15 to the total suprise of the hospice nurse and drs. Very hard to watch.

I just wondered how you were doing and how you were managing to cope.

Kind regards

Clara.

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: Come on Eileen (My Mam) Died 11.08.12

Postby DRAD3 » Wed Oct 24, 2012 5:26 pm

Hi Clara
So sorry to hear about your loss. You will see that I posted previously on this thread but just wanted to reiterate that I share your distress. When my husband passed away, it happened very quickly. We obviously knew it was going to happen and I had an instinct that it was coming, as I knew him and felt him fading, but was still surprised that no-one else seemed sure that the end was imminent. I am not sure why this is - whether it is specific to pancreatic cancer - it does seem to catch everyone unawares all the way down the line. Thinking about it now, I know my husband would have preferred it that way in any case. It is certainly not like in the movies and leaves us with pictures in our head that we spend a lot of time trying to push aside. As time goes on, you will find this easier and pictures of your mum in happier times will come to mind instead. You will be feeling incredibly sad and will have days when you feel so low but hopefully there will also be days when you feel OK and can carry on. I do hope that you have family and friends who can help you through the coming weeks and so glad that you posted and hope that you feel able to talk to us again if you need to. There will always be someone who will listen and understand.
lots of love
Deb
x