A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

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marie souter
Posts: 198
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 7:58 pm

Re: My hero, lover and best friend gone..

Postby marie souter » Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:33 pm

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Cathy am sure you will do your Jonathan proud xxx

Hugz Marie
xx

belgrade
Posts: 157
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:53 pm

Re: My hero, lover and best friend gone..

Postby belgrade » Tue Jan 28, 2014 7:15 pm

Just want to echo the wishes of the rest of the forum family and hope that tomorrow will go well for you. It will be a difficult day but the following words were read at my husband's funeral and in my darkest days the words have been a comfort to me and slowly I am learning to "go on" like many others here, and you will too.
Hilary x

He is gone
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
David Harkin (1959 - )

Janiebobs
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:21 am

Re: My hero, lover and best friend gone..

Postby Janiebobs » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:43 pm

Cathy,
You will be in my thoughts tomorrow
Jane
Xx

Dollysdaughter
Posts: 64
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:14 pm

Re: My hero, lover and best friend gone..

Postby Dollysdaughter » Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:46 am

Only just joined this group but my thoughts are with you today Cathy, Sara xx

sandraW
Posts: 1044
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: My hero, lover and best friend gone..

Postby sandraW » Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:04 pm

Thinking of you and the family today take care Sandra xx

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: Jonathans's final performance.

Postby Cathy » Thu Jan 30, 2014 6:32 pm

Hi all.

First of all thank you for thinking of me yesterday. I was really touched when I looked at the forum before the funeral and realised you had.

Some of you know that Jonathan was an actor and musician and the ceremony started with Jake (his son) introducing a CD that he and his Dad had prepared last summer. Sound quality was great and everyone listened to Jonathan addressing his "audience" with his poetry, bits of plays he liked (Waiting for Godot and All my sons) and music of course (Beatles, Beach boys, Led Zeplin, Randy Newman) with a few jokes thrown in for good measure (inc a bit of Bill Hicks). The service ended by him telling us all to go and get "pi***d", him talking about keeping an appointment (with death) a bit from Becket about keeping an appointment in Waiting for Godot, and the final song, John Barry's The Appointment. During the last song me, Sally and Jake all stood up and went to the lectern to press the button then stood and watched the curtains go around the coffin with our arms around each other. A final tiny snip of one of Jake's songs and then applause from the congregation (his audience). Everyone said they loved it. We went back to his favourite pub which was heaving. There was an old contact sheet from his early days as an actor where people could cut out photos of him and books where people could write stories of him and the music in the background was Jonathan playing in various bands. There was a pile of his VoiceOver CDs that people helped themselves to. I met a lot of people from Jonathan's early days in his career who I hadn't met before which was great and a number of people expressed interest in helping out with a benefit including an acclaimed actress who played Jonathan's on screen wife in various things and was working in LA when he died. A well known comedian friend is going to tweet a link to Jonathan's JustGiving page (and will also be involved). Hopefully we will manage to raise a lot of money. So, it all went fine and, because of Jonathan's CD it wasn't a sad occasion but a really special one. A group of us ended up at a friends where we all got sozzled and had a takeaway.

The day was fine in the end although started very poignantly. As Jonathan had been in hospital before Christmas he hadn't been able to Chrismas shop and so had given Jake and a friend of mine a shopping list to get my Christmas presents. Anyhow, before we left for the funeral Jake got a box out of a pocket and said there was one present I hadn't had yet as Jonathan had been very specific about what he had wanted. By the time he had found what Jonathan had wanted Christmas was over and so it was to be a New Year present and then it was to be engraved and so it was after New Year by the time it had been done and Jonathan had said he thought it was "perfect". By then things happened very quickly with Jonathan's health declining and then he died. Jake and his Mum Sally decided that it would be very appropriate to give it to me on the morning of the funeral. The box contained a silver bracelet with a heart shaped charm on it. One one side was engraved "Jonathan" and the other "Cath. I love you". It was unbelievably poignant and moving. But absolutely perfect.

Rip Jonathan. You are deeply loved and terribly missed by many people.

xxx
Last edited by Cathy on Thu Jan 30, 2014 7:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby J_T » Thu Jan 30, 2014 7:04 pm

Oh I'm crying now! Sounds wonderful Cathy xxx

PS Bill Hicks in common too!

Cathy
Posts: 788
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:43 pm

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby Cathy » Thu Jan 30, 2014 7:26 pm

Thanks Julia

Lol.. He was a big Bill Hicks fan. The bit he read out on the CD was Bill Hicks at his sweariest best. Also died of PC.

I forgot to add that the order of service just described how the service would work, no eulogies etc. Then we added in a couple of poems. One he had written last year called the "Kansar Kyd" about "The Pancreatic cancer blues" that I found with the other stuff he had prepared for the funeral that I found. It seemed fitting to include it.

Hillary, I also included the words to "He is gone". I'd made a point of digging them out of a thread you had posted saying you'd used them yourself and I found them beautiful.

Then we added a bit about the benefit and PCUK.

They looked pretty cool when they were finished..

Cathy xx

sandraW
Posts: 1044
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby sandraW » Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:16 pm

Cathy how wonderful,I'm crying too, Sandra x

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby J_T » Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:09 pm

Yes to Bill Hicks and PC. Did you read his last words? "I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.” 

Lovely words xxx

InfoForMum
Posts: 332
Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:01 pm

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby InfoForMum » Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:19 pm

Bill Hicks Rules! Suspected lung cancer or cirrhosis had got him, had no idea it was PC!

Cathy hon, I have to admit to not crying, not cos I'm a heartless mare, but because the thing that shines out for me is how overwhelmingly proud you must have been of him and the kids on the day. So would have loved to know someone who prompted so much love, respect, laughter and friendship from so many.

Sounds like you did an absolutely amazing job. know from the time after Dad's funeral (another wingding with laughter easily outweighing tears) it can get a bit overwhelmingly quiet after a wee while. As I said in another post, that benefit, which is sounding more like a definite plan all the time, will hopefully be a welcome and positive distraction. If not and the silence gets a bit loud, promise you'll come see us.

Take great care and thank you for such a lovely post.

Sarah
XXX

nikkis
Posts: 513
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:29 am

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby nikkis » Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:37 pm

Dear Cathy

Well done for putting on such a special day, so glad it went so well. Lots of love to you and Jonathan's son, what a special man he sounds too,
Nikki

Kerri9499
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:40 am

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby Kerri9499 » Thu Jan 30, 2014 10:48 pm

Dear Cathy

What a beautiful and special service, he was obviously loved by many and from your post it's easy to see why.

Kerri x

laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:53 pm

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby laura » Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:03 pm

dear cathy, lovely posts, am sure you were feeling so empty, but how wonderful to read of the support all of yours and jonathon friends gave on the day.
the future will i'm sure have many difficult moments, but hopefully your memories will help you thru. my thoughts are with you. laura xx

cestrian
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:20 pm

Re: Jonathan's final performance

Postby cestrian » Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:18 am

Cathy

Sounds like a brilliant "send off" and very much in line with my own vision of the perfect celebration. Thank you so much for the superb account and I do hope the love shown for your beloved husband will help you through the coming days and weeks ahead.

Love and Peace

Mike x