A forum for people to support each other after the loss of a loved one

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I'm grateful that....

Postby Nardobd » Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:15 pm

...I at least have some time to show my husband just how much he means to me and how much I love him. Like, I suspect, most people, prior to his diagnosis we were caught up in the rat-race and this cosmic kick up the backside has made me realise that I needed to work much harder at our relationship.

In the spirit of "laugh and the world laughs with you...." would anyone else like to share things that they are grateful for?

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby chinup » Tue Apr 21, 2009 8:26 pm

.... During my darling mum's battle with pancreatic cancer I learned about patience, understanding, compassion, trust and the true value of life and love. I really loved my mum, but like many 40 somethings, I was wrapped up in my own life doing things my own way and thinking that was the only way. My mum faced her cancer with courage, dignity and a quiet determination to beat it. My dad's total devotion to her was absolutely inspirational and everyone who had anything to do with them commented on it. My mum died surrounded by his love. I love my own husband so very much and I have resolved never ever to take him for granted. I'd give anything to have another five minutes with mum and learn from her just a little bit more.

Nardodb, you are right. My dad's cheery smile and quick wit diffused many a difficult situation over the last year or so. I spent too many hours on the internet searching for information about pancreatic cancer in the hope of some kind of miracle for mum, but I wish I'd spent that time talking to her about how she really felt. Forget working hard at the workplace, save your energy for your family, that's what really counts at the very end. My mum and dad were true millionaires in love and I'm grateful that I have realised that I am too.

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby lorraine » Sat May 09, 2009 8:19 pm

Chinup your words are very true.You do find yourself getting wrapped up looking for a miracle for your loved one, and its not untill they have gone that you wish you had just spent that time with them.

Well what can i say, he gave me the best childhood i could have ever asked for.He worked very hard to give us what we wonted.He was a warm and caring man to the point that 2 weeks before he died he was in hospital ,there was a man across from him who had cancer too.His man was not going home for xmas and he was very upset,this man had a cuddly dog that he kepted close to him,Dad was so upset to see this man upset about not going home, that he told my mum & me to find a big teddy so he could give it to this man to cheer him up.When dad walked over to this man and gave him this teddy the look on this mans face was a picture.My dad had made his day and the words they both exchanged brought a lump to my throat.My dad was so ill but he would not rest untill this man had got his present.He always put other people first.
I have learned that family are very important and we need to spend as much time as we can with them,its' to easy to get carried away with work and day to day life.As my 8yr old said today " MUMMY GRANDAD IS ALWAYS HERE WITH YOU ,BUT YOU JUST CAN NOT SEE HIM THATS ALL".

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby Nardobd » Sun May 10, 2009 12:29 pm

Thank you, both of you for sharing your wonderful memories about your parents. It is those who we love that shape our characters and we, therefore, carry a piece of them wherever we are or whatever we do.

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby lizzie » Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:27 pm

My wonderful husband Bill died on 21 June 2008 of pancreatic cancer. I still find it hard to remember all the things we shared in the last few months but will never forget the way he took control of his illness and made the decisions that must have been so hard for him.
He was diagnosed in September 2007 and after only 24 hours he had made up his mind how he was going to tackle it. Chemotherapy made him so ill that after only 5 treatments he stopped it completely after consultations with his doctor. He made all the decisions about how to continue and I now know that what he did was so hard but the right thing for him.
I am so proud of him. His last few months were like a rollercoaster -sometimes he was on the up, then he was down but he never once complained or asked "why me?" He always said what is the point? He was so positive right till the end.
Now I know more about Pancreatic Cancer I realise that Bill's attitude was the only way to deal with his.
He was my shining light and we had been together for 43 years. It still hurts so much to think of him suffering and not being able to do anything to stop it. We all miss him so much but he died as he had lived, positive and hardworking, a wonderful man, husband, friend and father. His death proved to us all that the simplest things are the important things in life. Love, family, home - for when you come to the end these are the only things that really matter.
Rest in peace - you are always in our thoughts.
I am so proud to have known you and shared my life with you. With love. xxx I miss you.

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby jordan » Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:58 pm

My mam was diagnosed in august 2009 and passed away december 2009.I am grateful that i had such a wonderful and caring mother.She always put us first even when she was diagnosed, she was upset for us!We have loads of fantastic memories as a family,holidays,birthdays and christmases etc which cancer can never take from us.
I am proud to have had such a beautiful person in my life,who i miss everyday but is now out of her pain.

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby wendyh » Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:14 pm

I agreed that my husband could leave work 5 years ago to write a novel. It was only to be a year but didn't turn out that way. I also worked from home and we were together 24/7 for the last 5 years. Not many people get that. When he was diagnosed I stopped work and became his full time carer and only then realised what the word "carer" meant. The mental and physical strength needed for that task is incrediable. I am grateful that he had time to say his goodbyes, to spend time with his sons, his friends and family. I am grateful that I knew him at all, let along to be married to him for 25 years. x

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby clair2305 » Mon Jul 12, 2010 12:08 pm

I'm grateful that I have Blue. I'm grateful that despite telling me when we first met just over 9 years ago that a) he was no good a relationships, b) that he would never have another woman live with him and his son and c) that he would never get married......that in fact he a) is good at relationships, b) now has another woman living with him and c) asked me to marry him.

We've been married for 2 1/2 years and I love him millions n trillions. And I'm grateful for all the things Blue does for me....the silly things, a homemade christmas card made from brussel sprouts (it's true something we started years ago but has got forgotten in all this PC situation)

Like Wendy I too didn't return to work and became Blue's carer and I still shy away from that word, he's my husband and I love him and will do anything for him. When some people ask why I am not at work Blue says "she's my carer" and my response is normally "I'm chief pill dispenser"....carer seems to me like he has lost his independence I will fight to ensure that doesn't happen.

And I'm also grateful that Nicki started this thread and the support she has shown me over the past year


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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby laura » Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:15 pm

im grateful that this forum exists, and that peeople in such stressful situations as this take time out to be so supportive, im SO grateful that i met my husband 30 years ago, married 28 years next week, weve had a very happy life and i wouldnt change him for the world, but i would do anything for him not to have PC iv`e always been able to sort our problems out, but this ones got me beat, i know life`s not fair, i am 70 and georgie is 61, and we`re luckier than some but i want TO GO ON being grateful that we`re together, i am finding it difficult to be the same all the time i get upset,angry, tearful,determined and sometimes despondant but i am so grateful that i have been able to love him for thirty years and to know he loves me, the future is so scaryxx

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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby Suead70 » Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:02 pm

although my dad was very ill, he got the chance to come home, which is all he had wanted since being admitted to hospital on 24/05/11 after collapsing. These last couple of months have been like a roller coaster....on 3 separate occasions we have been told dad may only have hours to live, but dad being dad fought so hard and literally came back from the brink....Sadly dad passed away at home on Friday 22th July, surrounded by all of his family: his children and grandchildren, and although 'lucky' isn't a word I would associate with this terrible illness, I do feel lucky because we all got the chance to tell dad we love him and although it must have been very difficult for dad, he somehow found the strength to tell us he loved us all too. As dad slipped away, I cradled his head in my arms and told him to close his eyes and not be scared and if he wanted to he could let go....it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, but in the last three days my whole family has been able to take comfort from those last moments, knowing dad chose when to go: unafraid and surrounded by loved ones.

Dad has been the rock and foundation upon which our whole family has been built upon and we miss him so much, but we know he's now at peace and knowing this will get us through these dark days.

We love you dad.


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Re: I'm grateful that....

Postby NiaD » Fri Jan 13, 2012 9:40 pm

I want to tell the world how proud I am (and will always be) of Kevin, my husband. After the shock of diagnosis, he sat and thought about his situation. He told me that he had had "a good life and was ready to die". He was 41.
Kevin rang the bank and sorted out his finances. He arranged as much as he possibly could, knowing that these tasks would be left to me later, trying to save me some of the (harrowing as it turned out to be)things I had to do. He told me that he wanted to be cremated and where to scatter his ashes (still not done, but there's not a time limit, is there?).
He rang family members and told them not to worry. He even built bridges between some of them who are now in contact...they hadn't been in contact with each other before.
I still marvel at the courage he had for doing these things and doing them with dignity. Kevin, you were a very special man and I was privileged to have been your wife. I will always love and miss you xxxx