Husband just diagnosed at 36

[SusannaUK]

Dear Fiona,

I am so sorry to read that Jim has lost his fight with this cruel PC. Life is just so unfair! He had done so incredibly well! He was so young and handsome indeed. My tears just running down my face now because as you know my husband passed away 3 months ago and they were similar age. My husband was 41 and also very handsome man. Ahhh, I just can't believe it. Jim was such a fighter. I know what you mean when you say that people on this forum are the ones who really understand how you feel, I feel the same. You've also done amazingly for supporting him.

My heart goes out for you and your little girl. You will see how amazing she will be! My boys just over 4 now and they are doing amazing! They totally understand what has happened and they are just so brave, I am so proud of them. You will see that she will give you some kind of comfort, I feel that with my boys. It will be very hard now but will get a tiny bit easier later. I still cry a lot but feel a little bit easier than in the last two months. If you would like to contact me, I am happy to give you my email address too, just ask the moderators. I would definitely share my thoughts and feelings with you and maybe some tips to deal with this terrible loss.

I am thinking of you a lot! Be strong and take care and look after yourself and your little girl.

Lots of love,

Susanna xxx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Dear Fiona,

On behalf of myself and Dianne, and the rest of the Support Team here at Pancreatic Cancer UK, and the wider charity, I would like to express our deepest condolences to you and Caitlin at the sad loss of Jim. Like the others, I am shocked to hear about his untimely passing - I know we had contact in the early days, and more recently, Jim with other departments in the charity, but I wasn't aware that things had escalated for Jim. Its an unbelievable situation, and I am sure a surreal one for you as you prepare for his funeral.

Jim was extremely generous with the charity in terms of using his story, photographs etc....and on the fundraising side of things as well. We thank you for this, as a family, for your time and input, which was invaluable. And for the video, which was a fantastic piece of work. He will leave a legacy for others no doubt. He was obviously an exceptionally strong man, to have carried on as he did, with such extent of disease.

Thinking of you all - so sorry again to have heard of this.

Kind regards,

Jeni Jones.

[jay]

Words can not express how sorry I am Fiona, my heart aches for you and your daughter.( My husband was 49 when he died in September and I have a 9 year old)

I promise, you will find inner strength from Caitlin. My doctor gave me a good piece of advice, just get through each day at a time, and don't think of weeks in advance.

If you would like my e mail just ask the moderators

Sending you all my love and prayers

Jayne

xx

[jay]

Just read Nikkis amazing quote from winnie poo, so so true x

[Guest]

Hi Fiona,

I don't believe we have met, but I have read your posts and searched fir Jim's picture. He was very attractive and very handsome, you must be so proud. I cannot believe how old he was. To lose any life is hard, but he was just so very young. I don't know how you are coping but hope it is some comfort that we all care so much.

I would really like to read Jim's story.

Thinking of you and your little girl.

Leila xx

[sandraW]

Hi Fiona,

I hope you are doing as well as you can do and coping with all the arrangements.

I forgot to say in my earlier post I too would love to read Jim's story, sending love to you, Caitlin and all the family sandrax xx

[Didge]

Hi Fiona - I would like to read it some time too. I'll keep it for later though as I'm not sure I'm up to it right now! Young children do keep you going through the tough times. I remember one of mine asking why I was sad saying "you've still got me!" Out of the mouths of babes. xxx

[Annie14]

Thank you all for such kind words. Your comments about how handsome he was have made me chuckle and brought back memories of his nurses at the chemo centre who would all fight over him. They used to get grumpy when he didn't turn up in his Arsenal suit as they all liked him in that but they particularly liked it on sunny days when he'd wear shorts to chemo. I sometimes had to remind them his wife was sitting next to him. It was all in good fun but they definatly had a fight over which of them would look after him each week.

They were so amazing and genuinely devastated when they saw him on Wednesday and it became clear to everyone he had gone downhill so quickly. Once I feel up to it I will go back and visit them to say my thanks.

Nikki - your pooh quote is so wonderful I'd like to use it in my eulogy to Jim if that's okay. It really seems to sum up what I'd like to say. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. It's great.

Also, if everyone who would like to read Jim's book wouldn't mind emailing Jeni for my email address she has kindly said she will pass my email onto everyone who would like to read it. If you email me your address I can attach the "book" in return.

Thank you again. I'm coping. One day at a time. There is so much to do. Arsenal have kindly put a tribute to Jim in their match programme for Sundays game so I'm going to go along and sit in the directors box. Very kind. I wasn't sure I'd be up to it but realised very quickly that Jim would be furious with me if I didn't go. He loved his job and they have been amazing to us so I'd like to go and say my thanks in person.

xxxx

[EmmaR]

Oh my dear Fiona thinking of you at this so so sad time there are no words that can really help but I can tell you it's all the brave supportive forum family who do know how you feel some just starting the cruel journey ,a lot of us still grieving and a lot still fighting the fight ,but our thoughts are with you at this moment .

Emma xx

[nikkis]

Hi Fiona,

Your bravery and strength is so inspiring. To go and watch that game on Sunday will be such a challenge I know, but what an amazing tribute to Jim.

I will be using Pooh when the time comes, and am very touched that you are too, and I am so pleased the words have brought you comfort as they have me. I never realised how beautifully AA Milne wrote, but my teenage girls looked at me strangely when I told them a big yellow bear summed up how I felt!

Lots of love,

Nikki

[Guest]

Beautiful Nikki. x

[Didge]

Fiona, I will be thinking of you on Sunday, which I am sure will such an emotional day. I can't bring myself to hope they win (I'm a Spurs fan!) but will be with you in spirit! Lots of love xxx

[jay]

Fiona I will be thinking of you on Sunday. You've inspired me to go and sit in Jem's seat at the football (he was a Newcastle united fan and ive let friends go instead of me)

massive hug

Jayne

x

[Cathy]

Dear Fiona

I was away on holiday when I found out that Jim had died. Like Lesley, although I didn't meet Jim on the day I was also part of the PCUK video and, those that I have shared it with since have been shocked and saddened by Jim's death.

When you wrote of Jim dying there were a lot of similarities with my Jonathan when he died last year. He was a big strong guy who looked so well for most of the time he was ill and his death came across us so quickly when he finally succumbed to the disease. Far faster than any of the hospice staff had anticipated. I think there is comfort in that and I hope you take comfort in it.

Well done on going back to Arsenal so soon. I think it will feel incredibly poignant but I am sure will be a huge comfort to you too.

Thinking of you and Caitlin and wishing you love and strength for the coming funeral and for the future. It's a tough road but take it one day at a time, it will get easier, and make sure you ask for help if you need it.

Cathy xx

[Sueoliver]

Dear Fiona there are no words but just to say I'm thinking of you and Arsenal are sure to win on Sunday. Sue x

[Guest]

I have just finished reading Jim's book. He was so inspirational, he kept me reading until I had finished.

He never lost faith.

He made me smile, made me laugh amd made me cry. The love he had for Fiona and their little girl was so beautiful. I hope they can take strength from that. I hope when Caitlin grows older, she can read this and feel so amazingly proud of him.

All the time, all the way through his story, he said everything is for Fiona and Caitlin. Everything he went through, was to spend time with them and make memories for them both to cherish.

This story needs to be published. For those people that struggle so hard with their feelings, and feel so alone ( a lot like my Dad does ) could read this and they will read their own feeling staring back at them.

I am proud to have read his story.

Leila xx

[Ant11]

Hi Fiona

Just to let you know we are all thinking about you and hope that Caitlin and you are doing as well as can be expected. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you over the coming days, weeks and months. We are looking forward to reading Jim's story when you feel up to emailing it to us. Jeni has said that she has forwarded my email address. Take care with love xx

[brodders]

So sorry to hear your news. My mum died last year 11 weeks after diagnosis- it is such a cruel disease. I read about Jim on the Pancreatic Charity website - you must be very proud of him and I have no doubt he is with you and Caitlin.

Take care and lots of love Cate Xx

[Annie14]

Hello,

Thank you all for messages, they are lovely to read so thank you!!!

Jim's funeral was on Tuesday and it was emotional but lovely. I think we gave him a great send off. Caitlin did fantastic and was so brave. People kept telling me how strong I was, I didn't really cry, I think I'm still in the stage where I'm so relieved he isn't in pain anymore. The past three weeks had been really bad for pain so I think I'm just numb I guess, but accepting.

The Arsenal game was incredible. They had celebrities coming over to me as if I was the celebrity. I was absolutely fine on the day there but when I got home I felt very overwhelmed and it was the most emotional evening I've had. Probably all the free champers didn't help.

My family leaves tomorrow so that will be the biggest test. My friends and even people I don't know so well have been inviting themselves all round so I don't think I'll be alone much but it'll be nice to find a balance over the coming weeks.

xxx

[J_T]

It sounds like Jim got the send of he deserved. I'm still reading his book and it is interesting and helpful to me, even though he and Ray's experience with pc couldn't have been more different, so thank you to both Jim and you Fiona for sharing his thoughts.

I didn't cry at Ray's funeral either, and yes I think relief at his release played a part in that too. Ray was a Man Utd fan so maybe he and Jim will be sharing some friendly banter this weekend

Sending love and strength for the coming weeks.

Love

Julia xxx

[Annie14]

Aw I'm sure they are. Jim is actually a Man United fan too. Ivan Gazidas (Arsenal CEO) even made a joke about it in his eulogy at the funeral. He loved Arsenal and his job but Man United always came first. I'm sure he and Carl will be cheering them on. Xxx

[Guest]

Hi Fiona,

Pleased the funeral went as well as you would have liked.

I think Jim will be playing a lot of Golf, hope they have some good greens for him up there. He said in his book that he wanted his Golf clubs with him, I bet he is playing right now.

I bet is difficult for you to be able to grieve, as you have to be so brave for Caitlin. I wish I could help you, and say more to help, but I can't. I don't know if it is a good thing to keep having people round, do you feel you need people with you? Or would you like time to yourselves? I think I would want both, and probably at the same time!

Here if you want a chat.

Leila xx

[Didge]

Fiona, glad the funeral went well and hope you manage to enjoy spring coming and the rebalancing of your life as people depart to go home. You know we are here whenever you need some forum support! And I can well imagine how emotional the game was - I think football matches are quite emotional anyway so it must have been a very intense experience x

[J_T]

Good to hear Jim had good taste in his football team! Funny, Ray worked at Everton latterly (after his career with the police service), always a lot of banter going on there too!