Our hero lost the battle

[karen17]

Can't quite believe I'm posting this but my brave bob finally passes away in the early hours this morning. We are exactly a year from diagnosis and he has worked full time, used the gym and really lived life 2 the full till 5 weeks ago when jaundice took him into hospital. Those weeks were not easy but we finally got our wish for him to be transferred to our local community hospital on Wednesday where he received fantastic care till the end. My daughter and I were with him on beds by the side of his with me cuddled up to him in our usual sleeping position. He had been fairly unresponsive all day but was aware that family visited and we brought his dog in for a few hours. I woke around 2am to find his breathing had changed slightly, woke Rebecca and within 10 minutes he had gone. So relieved he is free but so sad and scared too. I think he went the way he would have wanted with only a short time being really ill. I take my hat off to his courage, tenacity and bravery - my hero who I will so miss.

Thinking of u all in this shitty process and wish you strength.

Karen. Xxx

[Cathy]

Oh my G*d Karen!!

I am so so so sorry. We knew Bob was poorly and hadn't heard from you for a little while but, OMG, so fast!! And when he really had been doing so well.

I don't think there is anything I can say that will help but I am thinking of you my dear forum friend, and Rebecca too of course.

As well as Bob being brave and tenacious, you were as well, as well as a great support to others. An inspiration to the rest of us here.

We are thinking of you Karen and sending lots of virtual love and hugs.

Cathy xxxxxxxx

[Jwilson]

Oh no! Can't see the screen for tears for you! Terrible news. Watching suffering is so hard that at times you want it to be over for them and then on good days you feel awful for thinking such a thing. I don't know how you will cope but you know what? You can and you will. You will get strength to carry you through the worst times and other times you will just dissolve into a big mess.

It was good that Bob was moved to where you wanted him to be and that you were there, even the dog!

Thinking about you as I pack clean jammies for the cancer centre. More shite times.

June x

[J_T]

Karen and Rebecca, words cannot express the sadness I feel at your loss. Its all the more shocking because Bob had being doing SO well prior to the jaundice.

I know you and Rebecca will help each other through the difficult days ahead.

Much love to you both

Julia xxx

[nikkis]

So sorry to hear about your husband Karen. Really glad that you were both with him, and he got to see your dog. My husband always says that we are the lucky ones because we have got each other and he hasn't had to face this alone. Really hope it is a comfort to you that you have had lots of good times and were with him at the end,

Love Nikki

[Slewis7313]

Karen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Nothing I can say will take away your pain and I can only reiterate the comments of support from our friends on this forum. The fact that Bob's fortunes could change so much in such a short time after doing so well reinforces indeed what a rubbish illness this is.

Look after yourselves and I will be thinking of you during this most difficult of times.

Steve

X

[KATB]

Oh no Karen, I am so sad

I am so, so sorry. This awful, hideous disease - I hate it.

Sending you much love and strength and just know that I'm thinking of you.

K

x

[Jwilson]

How's it going Karen?

[Bee]

Karen,

I sobbed when reading your post.

I am so very sad to hear about Bob and send you so many virtual hugs.

Nothing I can say can take your pain away but I am thinking of you and Rebecca.

I guess as you say he lived life to to the full for as long as possible and sounds peaceful in his last days, surely what we all wish for.

I have no doubt you WILL find the strength to deal with this terrible time, keep posting,

With hugs and best wishes, I will raise a glass to your hero tonight!

Bee xxx

[Sueba]

Hi Karen

There is nothing else I can add to the comments above!

This disease is rubbish!!!

All my love and thoughts

Sue

Xxxx

[InfoForMum]

That's so awful. Karen I'm so sorry for you and the kids. I had been worried that things might have taken a turn for the worst with your last text, but hoped I'd read too much into it.

Being close-ish down the road, please, please let me know if I can do anything at all now or when the immediate shock and aftermath passes.

Nasty, viscious disease!

Sarah

[belgrade]

I am so sorry to hear this Karen amd my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My husband lost his fight against this cruel disease just over two weeks ago so I know how you feel. Perhaps, like me, you can take comfort in the fact that his pain and suffering are now over. The following poem was read at Dave's funeral and I have found the words a great comfort to me and perhaps, sums up the way in which we will carry on.

Thinking of you,

Hilary

He is gone

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

[Cathy]

That's a lovely poem Hilary. Thank you for sharing it. I found it hard to read as my eyes kept filling with tears and I didn't want Jonathan to see.

Hope you are doing ok and that you are surrounded by love and support.

Karen, I hope the same for you and to let you know you are in my thoughts constantly.

Cathy xxx

[karen17]

Thank u all for your kinds words and support and Hilary I have finally with many tears managed 2 get to the end of your poem. I am going 2 jot it down and discuss with Rebecca and Alex having it read at bobs funeral. It is just so appropriate.

Yesterday was a dreadful day with many tears and emotional and physical exhaustion but today I got up put on a brave face and did the shopping and normal things. Keeping busy certainly helps but i guess we are going 2 b very up and down.

thinking of you all xxx

[Cathy]

Hi Karen

It is a lovely poem isn't it.

Great to hear from you and well done you for managing to put on a brave face today. Don't feel you always have to though. Be easy on yourself and let others take the strain, if people offer their help, then let them if that will help you.

Things will be very up and down but you are a strong person so you will get through I'm sure.

I hope everything goes smoothly with organising Bob's funeral and that it goes perfectly for all of you. Don't ever hesitate to log on here and have a good rant/cry/whatever you feel like.

Lots of love to you, Rebecca and Alex.

Xxxx

[Carole McGregor]

Oh Karen

Just popped onto forum to see how you are all doing and still can't quite believe what I have just read. Clive and I send all our love to you and your family. From the beginning, I have admired the way that you and Bob have handled this horrible disease and tried to live your lives as normally as possible for as long as possible. I hope you find some comfort at some stage in knowing that you were there to help him be pain free and peaceful at the end.

Carole xxx

[cestrian]

Dear Karen

So sorry to hear of your sad loss and my sincere condolences to you and your family at this difficult time.

Not long after I had been diagnosed my GP and I were chatting and he came up with "Something to be glad about" in that at least both I and my family had time to make sure that we all knew how much we loved each other and could say all those things that folk regret were left unspoken when a loved one dies unexpectedly.

His words were brought home to me in spades when within a couple of weeks two friends did indeed die suddenly, one from a heart attack and the other with a stroke. Such a horrendous shock to their families.

I am sure that you all treasured the ability to say all those things that are so often left unsaid and that this will be of comfort to you and your family in the coming weeks and months as you come to terms with your loss.

Peace and Love

Mike

[yorkypaul]

Karen, my thoughts and prayers are with you(and Bob) at this awful time. He was one lucky guy to have your amazing support during his brave fight against this terrible disease. Try to take comfort that he is no longer suffering, but do whatever you feel is right to keep going. It's a long, hard path to follow, but you will do it with the support of your friends and loved ones. I know exactly how you feel.

Big hug,

Paul xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Karen,

We are so very sorry to hear of Bob's passing, so unexpectedly. As you said, he bore this awful illness with great bravery and resilience.

Please accept our deepest sympathies, from the support team, and the wider charity.

Thinking of you all at this sad time.

Jeni and Dianne,

Support Team.

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Hi Karen and Rebecca,

We are so, so sorry to hear of Bob's passing and send our sincerest condolences from all the staff at Pancreatic Cancer UK. Such a sad and difficult time for you, and such a lovely brave message you posted, with Bob living life to the full until recent weeks.

In true supportive style your 'forum family' are all thinking of you at this difficult time, and we are here for you if you ever need a listening ear or feel like a chat.

With our heartfelt sympathy,

Jeni and Dianne,

Support Team

[Bee]

Hi Karen,

I read on another thread that Bob's funeral is imminent. All of your forum family will be thinking of you, from the sound of things it will be a full house. You sound like you are doing an amazing job and being amazingly strong.

Sending virtual hugs as always, and of course the wine and chocolate !!

Bee xxx

[karen17]

Thank you Bee - I have to say I am thinking about the funeral with trepidation. It seems so final. Spent yesterday cutting the grass and weeding for Bob's arrival home as he would want everything perfect. The grass was rather wet and I used the electric mower to my neighbours and mothers horror - I did smile to myself as I thought it was perhaps a good job a double grave was due to be dug! Apologies for my black sense of humour. Typical health professional!

once this has settled I plan to go back to my roots in Yorkshire for a week to give myself time to think and time out.

Mike I just read your post regarding in a way it is a blessing that we get time to say goodbye to our loved ones and I think you are just so right. Everything had been said between Bob and all of us so nothing to regret. In contrast a couple of months ago our close friend lost his wife to a massive heart attack and he is in a really bad way with a lot of it appearing to be around things not said.

Thank you Paul for your post too. I remember reading your posts which were very difficult and emotive. I admired the way you dealt with it all too.

Karen

[Jwilson]

Karen, hi. I did smile about the grass having to be perfect. Bob and Bill must have been quite alike. Bills hedges look like he used a spirit level when he was cutting them. I see this morning that another good man has gone. Julia's Ray. This is unbelievable. Who's next? Bill not good. He can't do stairs now. His feet and ankles are full of fluid. On the up side he is now eating quite well and has put on a bit of weight. We have a wheelchair to get him to his chemo. Otherwise he doesn't leave the house or get dressed. He is just so frail. Maybe in the future we ladies should have a weekend or something. We have all gone through such awful times. Meanwhile friend request me on Facebook. [Personal details removed as per forum guidance and rules - please contact us if you would like June's details - moderator] . Easy to find me. Big blonde woman at daughters wedding is my cover photo.

How are you coping really? I drink too much wine but hey I need to get to sleep!

Love June x

[Cathy]

Hi Karen

You do sound like you are coping admirably (despite what the lawn might look like ). I take my hat off to your strength and am thinking of you as the funeral approaches. As well as Julia and her family now, as I said on her post, although we have never met, you all feel like friends now.

June, sorry to hear that Bill is still frail but the weight gain is great news isn't it. I'll look you up on Facebook. I wonder if you'll have a glass in your hand

Loads of love.

Cathy xxx

[InfoForMum]

Hi Karen,

The grass cutting rang a bell with Mum and I too! Dad had beautifully manicured lawns with perfect lines. First time mum got out the old mower, again just before the funeral, it looked more like one of those crazy slides at the fun fair. We ended up laughing till we cried while laying flat on our backs on the slalomed lawn, then raising a glass to the old man. Mum commented that he'd be up there saying "Oh god, look at mine, p*ssed again!".

I hope his send off goes to plan. From what you've told me about Bob and your family it will be the hoped for celebration of a well lived life. Sending coping vibes to you and the kids.

Lots of love

Sarah

XX