Folfirinox started on Wednesday and other stuff

[Sueba]

So so sorry to hear your news,I will be thinking of you both!

Sue

Xx

[KATB]

Thank you for all your lovely thoughts.

Tomorrow will be tough but we need to celebrate his wonderful life. He meant so much to many. He was the best dad ever and I will think about him and miss him every single day.

K

X

[belgrade]

Dear Julia, Kate and family,

Just wanted to say I will be thinking of you all tomorrow and hope everything goes well.

Hilary x x

[J_T]

Thank you so much. I miss my man.

Xxxx

[Cathy]

I hope all is going well today Julia, Kate and the rest of your family.

I've been thinking of you today and sending lots of virtual hugs in your direction.

xxxxxxx

[J_T]

Hello my friends

We said our final goodbyes to Ray yesterday. The weather was just awful in the morning, lashing it down! Happily by the time we set off, it had stopped

When we got to the crematorium there was this long line of people waiting outside for us to arrive and I was so touched to see so many people come to pay their respects, standing room only at the back! Ray had been a senior police officer in GMP and there were quite a few officers there in their uniforms which was really lovely. When he retired from the police he had a job at premiership football club and many friends and colleagues from there turned up also and they had travelled quite a few miles to do so. Ray retired only last May

We were 60s kids so our music choices were very influenced by that. We had Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward which seemed appropriate given the time of year and we loved The Moody Blues. Then a dear friend and colleague of Ray's spoke about him with affection and there were a few laughs in there too (we'd wanted the service to be upbeat). Then I had chosen Just One Last Look by the Temptations, a Motown Group that we both loved, and the words said everything I wanted to say (Google it). Then another good friend, who was so upset he couldn't be there, wrote some memories of Ray and his daughter came and read it on his behalf. This guy is quite the comedian, so again some very amusing memories all helping to the keep it more like a celebration of Ray's life. We then had Psalm 23, then we sang Jerusalem (I picked this because it talks about walking England's mountains green, which is what we did together) and then the Lord's Prayer, committal and blessing. Final song was In My Life, The Beatles and many people said afterwards, I was okay up to that being played!

Afterwards friends and family joined us at a local hotel for food and drinkypoos and it was good.

In a funny kind of way it was a nice day. So many people said so many lovely things about Ray. I knew what a great man he was but so lovely to hear others say it.

I got through yesterday without too many tears but today, strangely, has been much harder and there have been lots of tears! Kate and I did collect Ray's ashes too today and I was surprised to feel very comforted by this, as I feel like I have got him back. (hope that doesn't make me sound weird!)

As ever I really hope everyone is doing well and feeling good. Keep on keeping on!

Much love to you all

Julia xxx

[J_T]

oh forgot to say, tomorrow I am going to Lanzarote with my youngest son and family and on Friday Kate and her lot are flying out so I am going to relax and get looked after. Going to Northumberland with oldest son and family on 22 November. My children have been first class and I'm so very proud of them all.

x

[J_T]

Another thing that helped me was that I wrote Ray a letter and enclosed copies of family photos and got the funeral director to place in his hand

[Cathy]

Hu Julia (and Kate),

I am so happy that it all went so perfectly and that the rain stopped. I was looking out the window here on Monday at the rain hoping it was a bit cheerier up there for you than it was down here.

That's a lovely idea about the letter and photographs and don't worry, I'm sure no-one will think you are weird about Ray's ashes. I can understand why that would be a comfort.

Lanzarote sounds like a perfect idea - how wonderful. Some sun and some TLC with your family - maybe you are on the way to the airport as I write?

Eat, drink and relax and we look forward to hearing from you on your return.

Loads of love

Cathy xxxx

[KATB]

It was a wonderful day in a strange way but I felt have felt very lost since then. I don't think it really hits you until afterwards. I feel as though I'm living in a bubble.

There has been so much stress and sadness over this year and this holiday is just what we all need - a chance to just be together with no stress or worry. The children will be a good distraction although I must admit my younger 2 have been very subdued since Monday. All 3 cried buckets at the funeral because they were so close to their grandad and love him so much. They have been asking lots of questions - a lot of 'why did this happen to OUR grandad' - very difficult

Thank you all so much for your support - hope you are all keeping well.

xxx

[J_T]

Lanzarote on Thursday! I'm losing it!

xxx

[Jwilson]

Julia, more tears reading your write up about Ray's funeral. It seems that not only you loved him eh? Lanzarote well whatever next. Good for you. It will feel odd I'm sure without him but will take you out of home environment and you will enjoy the grandchildren. Hope the sun shines on your upturned apple cheeks!

June.....still fighting the very horrible fight x

[karen17]

Hi Julia and Kate,

The funeral sounded very fitting for a wonderful man and I don't think your comments about ashes etc are weird at all Julia. I feel the same about having Bob just up the road and I look out of my window daily to say 'morning and goodnight'.

I agree it's afterwards that it hits you as you feel you have lost your sense of purpose.

Anyway have a wonderful holiday, you totally deserve it. Look after each other

Karen xxx

[KATB]

Thanks Karen - so looking forward to some time away. It will be lovely to spend some quality time with the boys as I've been away from them so much over the last 7 months.

K

x

[Cathy]

Have a lovely well earned break Julia, Kate and the boys.

Come home tanned, well rested and a little bit fatter (remember those maxi dress tips).

Karen, I think you said you were going up north (Yorkshire?) for a few days? I hope, wherever you are you are getting lots and lots of TLC.

Love to you all

Cathy xx

[KATB]

Thank you - planning to have a lovely relaxing time. I just so wish dad was with us - last time I went to this villa was for a mini break with mum and dad only 12 months ago

K

x

[InfoForMum]

Hi ladies,

Sounds like this trip is going to be bittersweet. Not surprising, but at least it's away from bill paying, work and housework so hopefully you'll have time to do the relaxing and reflecting it sounds like you sorely need.

I suspect Ray would thoroughly approve of your plans and take great comfort from the fact that you are taking care of each other and yourselves.

Hope you have as many laughs as tears and not too many hangovers!

Sarah

XXX

[belgrade]

Hello Julia, Kate and family,

Hope you are all having a well deserved holiday. I'm going to Crete on saturday with my daughter, her boyfriend and my 2 year old grand-daughter. like you said Kate with your family, the last time we were in Crete was September 2012 when Dave and I went with our daughter and grand-daughter. Seems unreal that he will not be going too, but we have wonderful memories of our holidays there as the girls were growing up....been going there now for 15 years. I hope you are coping Julia, I had a major panic tonight and wondered if it's too soon, but all booked now!!!!

Love to all my forum friends,

Hilary x

[belgrade]

Sorry....hope you are ok Karen, thinking of you.

Hilary x

[KATB]

Thank you all you lovely ladies for your messages. Just doing some last minute packing then we are off. Jools is already there with my brother and apparently it's scorchio - hurrah!

K

x

[Cathy]

Hi Hilary,

I just remembered reading a post of yours a little while back about Crete that I had intended to reply to.

Crete is a really special place for me and Jonathan as well. We always go to the same place and the last time we booked was less than a week from his diagnosis so actually getting there was very very special this time around.

It was hot when we left (12 Oct) so I hope the weather is good for you still too. We also had a little earthquake (a very little one) on our last day to add a bit of frisson to the holiday (which even temporarily helped the constipation problem lol).

Hope you have a really lovely time. It will feel very poignant I am sure, but I am also sure that, even though not physically with you, it will feel that Dave is there too.

We go to a place near Chania. Where do you go?

Cathy xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Have a fantastic holiday Kate and Julia.

Jeni.

[belgrade]

Hi Cathy,

Thank you for your kind reply. Dave regarded Crete as his second home, having made friends with Iannis and Maria who run the appartments we used to stay in. In fact, in 2009, Dave spent three weeks with Iannis helping with the olive harvest and was taken into their home and treated like one of the family. We spend most of our time in Kalyves, a typical working village about 20 Km from Chania, but this time we are going to Georgioupolis. Have planned another family holiday in Kalyves next year for my daughters and their husband/partner and grand-daughter when we will scatter Dave's ashes.

Love,

Hilary

[Cathy]

OMG Hilary

The first time I went to Crete many years ago I stayed in Kalyves (for 3 weeks). Where Jonathan and I go (that he calls our 2nd home) is Almyrida -the next village along!! What a coincidence . We had a cloudy day when we were there so I decided to go for a walk and walked to Kalyves. We also got a taxi 1 eve and went for a meal there having a drink at the little bar on the square and a meal in the taverna opposite (begins with A - been there years as I went when I stayed in Kalyves - Agrogali?).

We almost went to Georgoupolis for the day but ended up on the beach in Almyrida instead.

You and Dave are right. It is a special place.

What a small world

Cathy xx

[Bee]

Julia and Kate,

Hope you all have a fantastic restful holiday where you cal relive memories and create new ones,

Take care,

Bee xx