wendy, and now my son , how differant

[laura]

oh how i know what heartache so many of you are going through, so, sorry for encroaching on other posts.

today i had a fone call from my eldest sons wife[ not heard from them for 14 years]

well, my second son, a twin, hung himself last night, left notes etc, so well planned, we had been estrangesd because of his temper, behaviour, etc, he was 50, how can someone plan this and go through with it? so many people would do anything to live!

i dont know how i feel, whats wrong with me? i havent cried over wendy, and now this, again no tears, im sad he died alone, and so unhappy. now what, i cant really think straight, my daughter, his twin, who lives in cornwall, was hysterical when bri and i went over, still no tears from me, worries me, sorry to take up post spaces,but so feel your my friends/

thinking of you all, yorkypaul, so much in my thoughtsx love and goodnight laura xx

[Sammy-Lou]

Laura, I'm glad I have found you still online!

What terrible news.. I don't think it matters if you haven't spoken in years, he was still part of you and nothing would change that.

No emotion is probably completely normal, shock I imagine as it is news out of the blue.

He sound like he was a troubled man and I hope he is at rest now.

I used to be a samaritan so please do talk to me if you need to as I have a lot of experience with similar situations..

Please don't second guess how you are feeling, no-one can tell you how to feel or not feel..

Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

[laura]

thanks so much sammy, i will really bear that in mind, thanks love to you laura xx

[yorkypaul]

Dear Laura, you have been so supportive to everyone here. I am so sorry that you are having more pain. I am at a loss to understand how things can turn out like this. Please stay strong. I hope there are loving people around you. Huge hugs from me,

Paul xx

[louiepc]

Oh Laura, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

I would say you are in deep shock, tears will come eventually, but not being in contact with your son for so long and the shocking way that he's gone is going to leave you reeling. It is so very hard to understand what has gone through someone's head for them to take their own life, when as we all know that is something we crave for our loved ones.

I lost a friend a long time ago to suicide, the emotions that you feel, shock, anger, guilt are more ferocious than when someone dies naturally.

The other major reason why you haven't cried over yr friend and now son is that possibly you know the tears will come one day for bri, and yr body is holding things together for whenever that may happen.

Don't feel guilty about crying or not, grief takes a different course with everyone and at a different pace. Much love to you and all your family at this sad time.

Louie xxx

[charney]

Laura I am so sorry to hear about your son, your emotions must be all over the place

at the moment, my thoughts are with, love and best wishes

cheryl xxx

[susikus]

Oh Laura, I am so, so sorry to hear about your son. What a shock for you and your family. Please look after yourself, you are very precious to all of us, your forum family. One step at a time. I am thinking of you and Bri and I hope the coming days and weeks are bearable. You will cope because you are very strong. Lots of love to you both, Sue, xxx

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura

So very sorry to hear about your son. You must be quite overwhelmed with everything and not surprisingly feeling quite numb. You have had such a lot to contend with over the last couple of years and it is understandable that you don't know how to feel - you probably don't know where to begin! How can we make sense of these things? Thinking of you and hoping that you are able to continue as you always have - I hope you know how well you of thought of by us all and that we have you in our collective hug.

With love

Deb

x

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Dear Laura,

I am so very sorry to hear about the news of your son's death and yet another blow to you.

Please accept condolences from all at PCUK. I am pleased that you have been able to come on the forums, to those who consider you as a real friend, and share some of the impact of this. As others have said, there is no prescriptive way of feeling, and no doubt, you will process things in time, when you are ready to.

Do take care, and once again, huge thanks for all you do on the forums.

Jeni.

[ali]

Hi

Laura

Hugs and kisses

Take Care

Helen

Xx

[Catherine]

Oh Laura, what sad news. Please don't feel guilty for having no tears, sometimes they don't come easily even when we think they should. Thinking of you and yours Catherine xxx

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura - how are you lovely lady? Just wanted to apologise for volunteering you to post on another thread - I see you did (you are wonderful) but I shouldn't have said you would. After I posted I told myself off - you have enough on your plate - apologies again. I do hope you are coping OK - you know where we are if you need to talk.

Sending lots of love

Deb

x

[laura]

hi deb, absolutely no problem, if i can help a little bit, thats great, so please no apologies and no worries, honest,

been a difficult few days [ no surprise there]. i have been in a huge dilemma, regarding my sons funeral, should i go or should i stay, well tonight i had a fone call from my other sons wife, who seem to be the go between, poor girl not fair on her, it appears that dean's wife does not want me to be at the funeral, because of our estrangement, i can understand how distraught she must be feeling, this made me question why i wanted to go, after much soul searching, i couldnt convince myself, that going would be the right thing for me or brian.

for the first time in 14 years brian felt relief at the news of his death, as we always felt he would appear at our home and carry out his threat to harm us, i didnt think he would, but knew he could, so based on that, i decided i would get nothing from going, so am staying where im happy, at brians side, brian said he would support me in any decision i made.

i am sure this will shock some of you mums, but i spose not having walked in my shoes,it must be hard to comprehend i hope you will find it in your hearts to be empathetic.

my love as always deb, and to everyone else who is having a troubled time. love laura xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Dearest Laura,

What a hard time for you just now? Please do not feel condemned about your decision.

As you say, you must know every side to a story before you make a comment, and we know how much of a support you are to Brian, and to others on these forums. Families can be complicated, and this is something no human will be able to understand. The thoughts, feelings and actions of some people towards others can be unbelievable sometimes (only have to look at recent shootings in USA), and as mothers, we might never understand or come to terms with what goes on within our own families. All we can do is try our best.

You will be in our thoughts over these difficult days. Take care.

Jeni.

[Hopefulwife]

Oh My Dear Friend Laura - I just dipped in here to see how you were all doing and read about your son. I am so very sorry for your loss - a different one to that which some of us are experiencing, but a loss nonetheless.

My cousin committed suicide in March last year and all everyone could comment was how could he do that to us all when poor Steve would have given anything for a life. But you have to question why someone would do that to themselves - and remember THEY did it, no-one else and how we all react is a very personal thing. Just remember you have your Bri, and he has been given extra time to spend with you - a very special person, so just try to cherish that. Tears will come, but if not - please don't beat yourself up about it.

With love Diane xxx

[Morwenna]

Oh Laura i'm so sorry to hear of your loss, you really are going through it!! No tears doesn't mean you don't care, we all deal with these things differently and cope in our own ways. I admire your honesty and if you don't go to the funeral then people should respect your decision.

Thinking of you.. (((((Hugs))))

Morwenna xx

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura - so lovely to hear from you and to hear that you are OK, despite how difficult things must be. I totally understand your decision about going to the funeral. As you say, no-one should judge anyone else until they have walked in their shoes. We often do things out of fear of what people will think of us. People who truly know us, the ones who care about us and the ones we care about, know the truth and will always understand and back us up - Brian has shown that. That is all that matters Laura. You know in your heart what is right, stick to it and continue being true to yourself - I admire you immensely - keep strong. Lots of love. Deb xx

[laura]

hi all, thanks so very much for all your lovely supporting posts, means a lot to me xxxx

i feel at peace with myself and my decision.

strangely after i made that decision and told my other sons wife, within a few minutes i had a fone call offering me an appointment for counselling, on the same day as the funeral,!

i have accepted it, though a bit sceptical, as i know really what my worries/anxiety's are and need to step back from some, however i cant knock it till i'v tried it. again thankyou thankyou, you lovely people.

isnt it a shame that we couldnt all meet a for a meal or something, or is it better to keep it secret?

take care every one, you all mean a lot to me, goodnight, love n hugs laura xxxxx

[DRAD3]

That is certainly fate, Laura - an opportunity to have a space to let go of some of your anxieties, rather than being in a place that would just add to them! I haven't been for any formal counselling but am lucky enough to work for a service that offers it and am surrounding by wonderful and wise people who know just what to say and what to do. It can be incredibly helpful to just be able to verbalise all of the hundreds of thoughts, fears and worries that constantly go round and round in our heads. We can't say them when we are trying to be strong for our loved ones and it is not good to keep them in - they only build up and come out in other ways that can be destructive. It won't be that magic wand, Laura, but just as coming on here and putting down your thoughts can help, so will the counselling session - I hope so, anyway.

As for the meal - that would be lovely, wouldn't it - sounds like a nightmare to organise though - I have enough trouble getting my (small) family together for social gatherings!!

love

Deb

x

[Catherine]

Laura, I think you are doing completely the right thing for you. I admire your bravery and decision. Good luck with the counselling. Much love Catherine xx

[Sammy-Lou]

Hi Laura,

I've haven't been on for a little while again for one thing or another and have just popped onto your thread to see how you were doing.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing ok and that a weight seems to have lifted since you made your decision, I totally agree that no one can judge til they've been in someone's shoes and feel that what ever someone elses opinions are of your actions, they are irrelevant because you make decisions (no matter what they are about) based on what is best for you and nobody can question that so please don't look to anyone for approval, too many people are quick to judge and trust me, I'm not religious but it's no-ones job to judge anyone else on this earth.

Like Debs said, Fate that you should be offered counsilling on that very day, something to help you rather than bring more heartache. I do hope you get something out of it and hope Brian is doing well?

You have been a wonderful support to myself and others on her and are so very valued and I hope you know that xxx