this time of year...

[louiepc]

Hi everyone,

old friends and new, it's this time of year, that many of us dread. I cannot believe that it's almost a year since I lost my mum.

I am taking one day at a time and not looking too far ahead at all. Next sunday is her anniversary, and I know I probably should go to church or do something like that, but I have this overwealming feeling that I want to go to the beach and blow the cobwebs away. I find solice at the seaside, and feel her around me there.

I hope everyone, wherever you may be on this awful journey, has as happier Christmas as they possibly can. If you have your loved one with you, make your memories, lots of hugs and time together, if you have lost your loved ones, my deepest condolences, look back to your memories of happier times.

Lots of love dear friends.

louie xxx

[Hopefulwife]

Hello to all of you going through the next phase.

My dear Steve passed away on 23rd December last year and it is our day to try and keep strong as a family. This afternoon I took one of my sons, Steve's sister and brother in law to the place where his ashes are scattered - I planted some primroses there on Friday and they were just the right reminder of where he is. Steve said no cemetery or plaque for him - so this was fitting.

Even with all the close family and friends offering support - it is still this sight and my unknown friends who I turn to to write my thoughts - because you know only too well what I am going through.

It will be difficult - but we somehow have to remember that we are still here, and it is OK to feel happiness and think that it is what our loved ones would have wanted for us.

So I send you my love and support, not just at Christmas, but for all those dark times.

Diane xx

[Lulu]

It is only five days since we buried Dad. I miss him so much it hurts, I miss talking to him, hearing his voice, worry that wherever he is now is he well again, feel unable to go through Christmas Day without him but know I must. Every twinkling Christmas light I see reminds me of the time of year but for this year I just cannot bear to think of being without him for ever more. The only comfort I can get is knowing if he was around me he'd be telling me to carry on as normal for his grandchildren's sake and have a 'proper Christmas'.

I also now get comfort from reading posts like these from people like Diane and Louie who have gone through this before me. If you can do it then I know it must be possible for us to get through this too. But the pain is overwhelming sometimes.

Love to you all x

[rachelqt]

Hi everyone

Was thinking about you the other day Louie, remembering how your mum made it to Christmas day and had her glass of wine!! Diane that is a lovely thing you done for Steve, I hope you and your boys are doing as well as you can be! It is hard to believe that we all now face christmas without them. Lulu, so sorry for your loss, just take one day at a time.

I have mixed emotions, one minute looking forward to christmas with the kids and knowing that my dad would boot my backside and tell me to have a great xmas, then feel so sad he is not here.

We took out decorations that he bought last year with lots of tears, he was on a high as his tumor markers were coming down with the chemo, so we all went to the shopping centre and he bought lots of things for the house..lol

Mum has decided she is cooking christmas dinner, my big thing I am dreading is sitting down at the table and dad not there, but we will get through it together and I will stay with her xmas night and raise a glass to my dad and all our lost loved ones!

I find I have no energy at times to come on here, but as soon as I get myself together I will be on more often, I plan to run the Womens Flora Marathan in Dublin in May to raise funds for PC.

Hope you all and your family have a lovely Christmas and get through it as best you can. Xxx

[DRAD3]

Hi all

I cannot believe the memories that have been flooding back in the lead up to Christmas. The Christmas before last was when things were first not right - my husband refusing his Christmas dinner, not wanting a glass of wine, falling asleep when family arrived - I thought he had the flu. It all went terribly downhill from there - diagnosed with PC four weeks later. Last Christmas we knew would be his last - he spoilt our daughter rotten. If only he'd have realised that money could not buy what we really wanted - just him to be well and with us this Christmas. Not to be. Christmas is now forever linked with these memories and now I have to focus my mind on what I have, rather than what I have lost for the sake of my young daughter. And I will, as we all will. My forum family have got me through some dark days and I wish you all a peaceful Christmas and will continue to think of you, going through your own difficult times.

Much love

Deb

xx

[susikus]

I wanted to wish you all a happy Christmas, as happy as we all can manage given our shared pain and memories. But we had a power failure all Christmas day and are still coping with the repercussions. It's made for an interesting Christmas to say the least! But I also feel I have been rushed off my feet, with no time to think or reflect, maybe that's no bad thing. I hope you are all OK, lots of memories, lots of love around you.

Thinking of you all

Sue

xxx

[mints]

Hi all,

This is my second xmas without my lovley husband,I have to say harder than the first.

The first year I didn't allow myself to think too much bcause it was too painful,this year I went away for a few days, escaping it again,maybe one day i'll have to face it head on.