First post

[Wife]

My husband was diagnosed in September and it feels like a life ago. He is inoperable and only receiving palliative care. I am desperate and trembling. Manage to sleep only little bits and wake up to the nightmare. Have lived together for more than 35 years and cannot imagine life without him; he is my north, my rock, everything. People keep on saying they can imagine how I feel. How can they? My children are broken. Why is this happening? He has a beautiful mind and so much to give. Neither of us is 60 yet. Why must our inmense happiness end so soon? And the world goes on. How unfair!

[yorkypaul]

Hi. What you describe will be familiar to many users of this site. Please feel free to use the forum to write about how you feel - it can be therapeutic to write things down when you are in such turmoil. Also, you can be sure that most users of the forum know EXACTLY what you are going through - simply because many of them are experiencing the same situation as yourself.

Your situation with regard to your husband mirrors that of my wife. All I can do is fight her corner to ensure that she gets appropriate care, particularly in terms of pain relief and vomiting. She is reassured by my words and actions (sometimes just sitting with her as she snoozes) - reassured that I still love her deeply and always will - regardless of any physical changes that may occur as a result of her illness, or any changes in her mood.

Don't neglect yourself. Eat even when you are not hungry. Rest even when you can not sleep. Your husband will need you there for him, as I am sure you realise. This terrible disease respects nobody. Live each day at a time. The future this morning is this afternoon. The future this afternoon is tonight and so on....

Do not be afraid of consulting your Dr if you are having difficulty coping. They are there to help you too.

Sending you my best wishes and support. Hugs,

Paul

[susikus]

Oh 'wife', here you are among people who do know. You can talk to us all you like. We will hear you, hold you, understand you.

My husband, Pete, was 58. He was diagnosed in August and died in October. On Christmas eve it will be two long months since he went. Our lives have been turned upside down.

And yet, yet, yet, there have been some positives. A wonderful funeral, so many friends and family around us, surrounding us with love.

But I am learning to live a life alone, and that is hard and exhausting, physically and emotionally. My rock is not here.

I am thinking of you all. Hugs and love to each of you

Sue

xxx

[dabber66]

Oh dear, Wife, Paul and Sue, my heart really does go out to you all, and 'wife' would be nice to know your name, well, I know I hate it when people say, I know how you feel, but they don't really, we all are so different - but I felt very emotional when I read your posting this morning - ' and the world goes on' - think I understand, and know how you feel about that - I was also diagnosed in August, and told 'it was not good' and the one and a half hour journey home from the hospital afterwards, well, it all became so surreal, I watched from the car window, everyone rushing about, getting on with their lives - I felt on the outside, looking in. I had been told it was inoperable, but then, later the biopsy showed I had an endocrine tumour, and although it had spread, was now operable. I had my operation in October, and go back to the hospital on the 17th this month. My mum also died in August, so, with having to sort out her affairs, and clear out her home, I seemed to find strength I didn't know I had. I also started to clear out many of my possessions, showing my lovely husband how to use the washer etc. etc. strange isn't it how we react. I seemed so practical. I feel so emotional now, been such a roller coaster. We do find strength though, and it helps so much to be able to 'talk' to our new friends on this forum. Carole xx