Missing my mother so much

[ucyocho]

Its been a week only and I am still replaying her last few awful hours in my head.I just feel they never really did anything for her. From diagnosis it was just like off you go and come back to us when you are close to the end and then we will muck up your pain relief so you don't die peacefully The hospice staff were lovely but they admitted that they got it wrong. Very sad. I don't really know how I am going to cope with it all and my husband ( who has nver lost anyone) is expecting me to be normal and keeps asking why I am still crying and that I have two 2 yr olds to take my mind off things so pull yourself together. Its tough.

[susikus]

Oh Ucyocho, a week is so little time, after such a short time since your mother's diagnosis. Your husband has not experienced this and is not understanding what is happening to you. But what you are experiencing is normal and usual and I would be more worried if you had 'bounced back' and were behaving as though nothing had happened. Your twins will keep you going but they won't stop you grieving for your lovely mother, their grandmother. Please take care of yourself, is there someone you can find to talk to who will listen and understand you, maybe someone you know? Or if you prefer you can talk to someone who is not known to you by ringing a helpline like Cruse, who specialise in bereavement care. And you can 'talk' as much as you like to us. Your forum 'family' are here for you. Hugggggs for you, love Sue, xxx

[DRAD3]

So very sorry to hear how distressed you are and, believe me, it is completely understandable and normal. I am still re-living my husband's last hours and he died in April. I am not going to be of much comfort, saying that, I'm sorry but realistically it is very difficult to get over losing someone you hold so dear to your heart. My heart has quite simply been broken and I am very slowly getting through each day, holding it together for the sake of my teenage daughter - some days are easier than others but it never goes away - the emptiness and sadness. Your children will keep you going and they are a godsend, because I know, without my daughter I would be tempted to just sit feeling sorry for myself and be on a downward spiral. Concentrate of them and hopefully they will make you smile every day and remind you of what is wonderful about life. Be patient with your husband because unfortunately he will not understand how you feel at all, but that is not his fault. I find it hard to talk to people I know, because I don't want to burden them or make them worry. As time has gone on, I think everyone else may have moved on more quickly and be less inclined to understand that I still have difficult times, so I keep them to myself. Coming to talk to my forum family though has brought me great comfort and I hope that you feel you can come here and share anything you wish - we are always here to listen and understand.

Sending you lots of love

Deb

x

[Jayne2011]

I'm so sorry you feel like you do but I understand completely. My lovely, brave dad died 18 months ago, I miss him every day. My husband didn't really support me from day one and now seems to think that I must be over it by now. My little boy (6) asked me just today to get the photo of all the grandkids with my mum and dad down and just sat there saying grandpa grandpa and kissing the picture. It breaks my heart and I don't know how you ever begin to heal after losing someone you love so much to a cancer that's so cruel, so quick. I still cry a lot, feel like I'm very alone, I think it's something you learn to live through, not get over. I'm sorry these aren't words of great comfort, just reassurance that you are definitely not alone. xxx

[louiepc]

Hi

A week is no time at all, you will have so many different emotions going through your head, now and in time to come. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. I do think that your husband should possibly read this site, it may help him understand how you are feeling, and any different behaviour that you may show over the coming months.

I lost my mum on 30 December 2011. I am finding it very hard, coming up to the first anniversaries etc. I have been seeing a bereavement counsellor since April, it has helped me a great deal, I had so much anger in me, to the point that I didn't recognise myself anymore. I have realised that my emotions are like a rollercoaster, sometimes I can go on with my life, dealing with the kids, as "normal", then something tips me over the edge, and I can't cope. I miss my mum so very much, I don't think you ever "get over it".

Much love louie xx

[DRAD3]

You are right, Louie, you don't get over it, you just learn to live with it - painful as it is. I catch sight of myself sometimes and think how sad I look. I thought I was doing really well giving an impression that I was doing OK - pity my face hasn't caught up!! Don't isolate yourself will you - if you feel low and need to talk, come on here and get it out. Doing that may help. The love and support you will always get I hope will help too. You are not alone in this. lots of love to you.

Deb

X

[yorkypaul]

That is sooo true. I lost my mum over 3 years ago. She was 85. My dad had died from stomach cancer at 32, over 50 years before. She was left with 2 small boys (I was 3!). She worked her ass off alone to bring us up. As you can imagine, we were very close. People would ask how old she was when I lost her. I got the classic "Oh, she was a good age then" answer sometimes. THERE IS NO GOOD AGE!! She was my mum!

No. You don't "move on" or "get over it" or any other of the useless terms that some folks use. What happens is, you have to accept what has happened and you get used to living with the emptiness. It does, I admit, get a little easier with the passage of time, but you sure as hell don't "get over it" or "move on" and there is nothing wrong with that. Use your support network of friends and family to talk and vent how you feel (that includes your forum friends). Seek help if it becomes too much - GP is a start and thay can offer extra support if you need it. It's there to be used.

I hope I can listen to my own advice in the near future when I will be going through the loss of the love of my life...Stay stong if you can

Hugs

Paul

[mark hyatt]

She is in australia and we just got back.I am so glad i have spent a bit of time with her but it was a shock to see her looking so poorly.She had the wipple procedure but it has gone to her liver in multiple spots,the chemo is not working so she is about to try a different one just to buy herself a bit more time.Its really hard because i just want more time with her before the its time but got to keep the money coming in for bills etc.My heart goes out to people in my position and of course those that have anykind of the big C.Got to go now to upset.

[Ella50]

Oh bless you.. I lost my mam in July and Im still an emotional wreck.. to be honest, things seem to be getting harder, especially with christmas coming.. Its the 'first' of everything at the mo,, dont be so hard on yourself hun..

If I feel I need to cry, I do.. and so should you.. shout and scream if you have to.. no one can tell you how you should be feeling, there is no time limit on grief..

Your little ones can keep you busy.. Just think of yourself..

Take care

Ella xx